I’m sorry I’ve not written. I haven’t been able to muster up the energy to say anything. Not because there isn’t much to say, I’m just a tad numb. First about mum and then a bit from where I stand at the moment. I am beginning to hate this year, I’m still a lover of February and thank goodness we have more snow in the offing, but I hate this year. (Bad part about the new snow, I need to drive to the next city over to get a single item for mom care. I should have gotten it on TH when I was in town and the roads were good and I the next town was just a skip away.)
She’s doing absolutely perfect. Everyone is pleased with how well she came thru the surgery, how well she is recuperating, how healthy she is. It amazes people she’s had so many major cancers and has 4 small tumors growing inside of her. They love her attitude and fortitude and how nice she is about the trials she’s facing. (I’m the bitchy whining worn out one!) Our trip north was almost canceled because of fog, the pilot took two approaches before we managed to land. Got mom to the hospital and they prepped her. She was in love with the bizarre air blanket they put over her. Most of my time was spent alone and waiting. (Literally. As you can see from the photo, no one else was waiting for a patient in surgery!) I read and was pretty bored. (I was also amused by the mountain scape under the appointment window. It looks a great deal like a sleeping woman with erect nipples. Please, tell me you see it, too!) I didn’t manage to eat lunch or dinner that day, but I managed. One of my friends picked me up around 11pm, after mom flew thru the over 2 hour surgery. (recovery and what not was longer)
Her doctor was more concerned with the pain part and forgot she takes insulin. I gave her a shot before surgery and in recovery. Once she was in her room, the nurse said she’d have to do it. But, they didn’t have orders to do it, so they’d call in the morning to see if they’d be allowed to. They had to call the doctor twice. Once for each insulin. I arrived and we sprang her by 2. I was so tired, but she was her normal independent self. A friend took me out that night to see a play. (I love live theatre!!!) I think it was probably the 7th time I’ve been out in public with someone other than my mom since last Feb!!! (I’m a difficult person to take places. I tend to be a bit embarrassing and am on the lower edge of elegant. My friend is VERY elegant and incredibly confident. In high school, she was one of those pretty, smart girls who roamed the upper section of the cliques. I was in a lower middle clique). Some of those times include when I’ve met a friend briefly in places like fast food spots or the laundromat!!! At any rate, it was a splendid play and not quite like the movie. Little Shop of Horrors. I really do think my friend was amused with how much fun I had. There was someone behind us who was quietly singing with the cast and, during intermission, one of the people in front of us was heard to say ‘I didn’t realise this was so dark.’ And then, ‘I always get this mixed up with ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’. (I immediately wondered if Audrey 2 provided salad for the dinner scene, to go with the meatloaf……)
Got back to the hotel (we had been asked to change rooms for a maintenance thing. I was glad, the new room was a bazillion times warmer!) and talked to Strider for a bit. He was telling me about the movie, Black Panther. (I’m not even going to think about it!). We flew back home the next day. Mum sat with a friend, so I was able to get a window seat on the other side of the plane. I didn’t know what I was looking at, but I did enjoy myself. It is funny to see how straight the marks man make on the land are and how curvaceous the natural landmarks are. I was incredibly harried, but I managed. We got home, eventually, and she was knackered. Not tired or worn out, knackered.
So, am I. I have been close to tears or in tears so much the last month. Since being back this week, I’ve slept and slept and read. I did see a doctor again (somehow, I am behind on payments and need to rectify that as soon as possible. I hate debts) and he upped my Toujeo from 28 to 30 units. I’m supposed to go back for a GYN thing next week. Had to cancel because of mom’s appointments. Haven’t heard from The Craftsman, except in texts since last Sunday. (I’ve called and talked to Little Bear, he also went to see Black Panther.) OK, that isn’t true. He sent me a Christmas package this week. As you can see from the photos, it was a bit amusing. Little Bear bought me the gift card, The Craftsman sent the silver dangly earrings (they were prettier after I dusted them off!!). In the box were also two boxes of my expensive test strips (I needed to use them before they expired. He had been picking up the spendy strips and saving them til I returned, I’ve been using the less expensive ones up here.), a Christmas card from friends in GA, two pieces of mail associated with mum (they were sent to Oregon because that is my mailing address on my ID), a devotional book given to women in the church, and all those lovely air filled packing pouches! I’m sure I’ll find something to do with them.
In this last month, I recalled this quote from one of my favorite books (both I’ve mentioned in here many times, it’s from Daddy Long Legs, by Jean Webster): “One doesn’t miss what one has never had; but it is awfully hard going without things after one has commenced thinking they are his….” I’d have to amend this quote to read ‘thinking they might be his!’ Human touch is so important to me. I often reach out and kiss people a hug because I need to touch. (I got an unsolicited one the other day from a receptionist! A hug, not a kiss.) Hearing a voice is powerful, conversation is beautiful. Feeling a two armed hug is beyond incredible. I’ve gotten some and I want more. Unfortunately, when a person is a super hero sort of Shadow Girl like I am, it is easy to be overlooked or hidden. I know where I am is not as bad as the places others are. I realise I chose this situation. I understand I have everything in the world I need. Returning to Oregon and the existence there actually seems rather nice after these ridiculous seasons. Cooking and making lunches and baking and cleaning house and reading favorite books with the cats and weeding and shopping once a week sounds like a lovely agenda. (Boring, but it is my house and my yard and I’m used to it!)
Kissing you a hug from Kris, Shadow Girl! (I need a costume with purple…….no capes!)