I’m just tired and achy and wanting to cry. My right arm and elbow ache and burn. My left breast is sore (It has had something odd for several months, but I’ll get a mammogram when I return to Oregon). I work and then sleep for 10 hours and wake tired. My eye is still goopy and red. I hate doing this all alone. (and that isn’t even true! This week I’ve had at least half a dozen people who have visited and helped get things done.) I need to do laundry and go shopping and it is so difficult to decide to do those things when I have to be here. I’m just so darn tired for anything!
Being kind to others is much easier than to myself. Ok, being kind to most people is easier than myself. I do hope when my sister does eventually arrive someday, I’m considerate and gentle. (I keep bitch typing about what I know she’ll do, then I delete it! Writing it out isn’t going to change her actions and it isn’t necessary or nice of me) I do take time for Kris. I like to sit in the sun now and then. I do take time to play mindless games on the kindle (two, wordscapes and a lovely jewel game that must be a prototype cuz it is entirely not at all like any jewel game I’ve played. It is like an embryo version of many of them. I don’t even remember the name! lol). I was slightly annoyed. The kindle version of Wordscapes is different than the ipad one and the last few weeks, I could actually play words that I could on the ipad. Unfortunately, one of the powers that be must have realized people were accumulating up to 20 extra points with words like ‘tod’ or ‘tor’ or ‘lich’ or other somewhat obscure pairings. I try them anyway, just in case! Besides games, I have watched a couple of movies and gone to the beach once and watched the ducks now and then and fed the birds. I’ve baked several times and even mowed the yard twice. And I read. So, I really am doing things for myself.
Except, when you sleep for 10 hours or more, there isn’t much time left to get all that needs done completed! (ooooh, that is a confusing sentence!)
I have been sorting papers I set aside last fall. There was a will that cracked me up. I’m not entirely sure how many of these people are still alive, but the poor lawyer was looking in the early 90’s. I kept it because it was so typical of life. Confusing, with ties that twist and bind! As you can see by the partial photo document, there are a lot of names with not much information! Then, on another page, the lawyer says this: “The problem arose because Harry Franklin S name was changed to Harry Franklin E, he was than married at least twice, and it appears he may have adopted some of his step-children.” Later, I learned when he died, one of the persons mentioned sent a letter out for help with funeral costs. (that is the second photo). For me, I recognized some of the names, except the names were not for those people!!! Great Aunt Ginny was an alcoholic kick in the pants. Julie was my 4th dad’s mom and Uncle Harry was my dad’s brother and I thought Harry was his only sibling! It is bad enough naming kids after persons who have died, but to name them after living relations is just confusing!!! Then, I learned, dad, who had his name changed by court order ended up getting it changed again to E a few years after my sister and I were adopted and had our names changed to E. The worst part of adoption is that on the birth certificates, it now shows my dad, Bill, as my birth father in 1965. Except in 1965 my real dad and mom were living in MN and a few years later my sister was born. I also found divorce papers for mom’s previous marriages and in each one the document reads mum had proof for a cause for divorce. Now, I know in 2 of those, the men hit mom. I’ve never found anything anywhere to see exactly why mom left my real dad. I do know he wasn’t good at keeping jobs, his type 1 diabetes was uncontrolled and made him difficult, and I understand that mom never really wanted to marry him anyway (she wanted to marry my second dad and dear Johned him when he was in the military, thus marrying my birth father. Or at least, that was one story I was told by someone else!). I also laughed because in the second divorce, mom got the trailer with furnishings and that dad got a truck and a barometer!
I also, once again, lost my contacts. I was able to get many of them back cuz I hadn’t completely deleted all texts, but some…I’ll just have to wait for them to identify themselves more thoroughly! The golden eye mom has two young left as of Saturday night and today it is blowing and raining. Thankfully, I do like rain! It is also easier for the ducks to hide in plain sight, although they are pretty good at that normally!