One more sleep til…

Happy almost Thanksgiving from the Pacific Northwest, the Eastern Oregon side. It has been an week full of odd things. Some have been good. I can finally actually walk and move. After a day of busy, I am beyond tired, but am managing quite well. (so far!) At least in the physical realm. Spiritually and in actually getting things done….not as well.

I’ve been absolutely angry at my family. Every year I am here, I start my holiday decorating around Thanksgiving. The holiday dishes are on the table, everything is spick and span, and there are just a few things left to put up. This year? Granted, I haven’t been feeling good, but I decided to try and do a speck of decorating and discovered it was going to be impossible. The Craftsman is not done with lights yet. (he goes all out in the lighting department and takes up the majority of the unfinished addition to empty his several totes of lights) I managed to put up a couple of things, Little Bear helped me when he heard a crash. After a bit, I stopped being angry. It just isn’t worth it. Perhaps it will get done on Saturday after Thanksgiving. (The Craftsman did find some holiday décor from Norway and Sweden that I’d taken from mom’s stash. I’m thankful to have those! I also have a mini nativity and a Russian doll nesting set from mom’s—I made her the nativity). It’s been horrible to clean, too- The funniest thing? Little Bear drives me to frustration and then does amazing helpful things. Two of the photos he’s shared with me:

I want another nativity in the shape of a cross (I collect nativities). I’ve wanted this since spring 2014 and it’s been thought about. I was hoping for help and was told ‘he had some ideas’. It is still not done. Nor is a giant earring holder I had started and The Craftsman took over last spring. He’s been busy with other things. (I think) Yet, in the larger scheme of things, I’m sure they will get done eventually and there are many other things much more important.  Like walking without limping, being able to purchase groceries, water (even if ours here has been doused with a percentage of bleach because a new well was opened), gas heating, inexpensive electricity, cats (usually), and so much more.

This Wednesday, I did manage to get out and about. I went shopping for last things I forgot (and completely didn’t realize I needed nasty white sugar!). I bought myself flowers (it is a friend’s birthday tomorrow, so I decided they were for both of us. She’s hundreds of miles away and so she won’t mind me keeping them in the window!). I went to a movie all by myself (as usual). For $5 I saw ‘The Holy Grail’ on a big screen and completely loved it. (the guys are at the movies tonight. The Ford vs Ferrari one. I could not watch that. I get vertigo with Wii golf! Cars racing on hills is a bad idea.) I stayed home to bake a pie.

baked chef cook dough

Photo by Malidate Van on

I’m rolling my eyes. I panicked because I noted I didn’t have the sugar AFTER I got everything measured and ready to mix. (I used brown, we’ll see how it goes) I made a whole lot of extra crust for decorations on the pie, too. I checked it and they looked almost done. The next time I checked, not more than two minutes later, they were overdone and on the extreme dark side of brown. So annoying! I did get most of the downstairs vacuumed and the dishes done, regular activities, but still they are done.  I’m going to post this also. Because I am on the desktop and Little Bear uses this to watch videos. (he’s been watching animal ones lately. Hilarious!)

For those in the US, may your plates be empty and your tummies full. For those in other places, have a splendid rest of the week!!!! (and be careful with those deals on Amazon!)

A year later-

I was pretty apprehensive about Sunday. My sister and I were taking mum’s ashes down the inlet and well, yeah! Many people sent prayers and covered me with care and love. It was absolutely beautiful and I thank those on WP who did this for me.

Sunday morning, I got a text from Jake asking me to meet her in a park. Not at her house. I was confused, but did so. It appeared Gigman wanted to sing to his MiL for one last time (I’m pretty sure mum didn’t like his voice!) before we went and scattered her ashes. I had NO idea he was going with us. (I was fortunate I’d made up 3 bags of ashes and one bag I made little peat pellets into ash holders for Pippi cuz ashes gross her out a bit. Except Jake told me the poppy seeds I used were invasive. So, those didn’t get planted til I got home).  I was actually glad Gigman went. I think it annoyed Jake, but we found a lot of the same sorts of things funny and laughed about them. Anyway, we were looking for a cemetery to put the rest of dad’s ashes with his mom and missed the first exit, thankfully it had a loop. We never did find our Grams. We aren’t even sure she’s in that cemetery, Gigman scattered dad’s ashes anyway. Then, we went down to Homer. The tide was out, that meant mom’s ashes would settle into the muck and get picked up later. Perfect.


They also decided they wanted to eat at mom’s favorite place, I reminded them it was fairly expensive, but they said it would be ok. (I meant to pay for my dinner, but got sidetracked by going outside) I’d asked Pippi to take photos of me scattering mum’s ashes and showed her how to use the camera. Except, I told her to press the silver button..I should have said to DEPRESS the silver button. She was excited that she’d taken several and didn’t get a single one. I laughed. (OK. Depress means press harder when it seems it should mean to unpress something. Oh dear, then we get to repress, which doesn’t mean at all what it sounds like it should.) At any rate, it was an entirely amicable event. Probably one of the best times I’ve had with that family.

Monday was slightly irritating, so I was glad Sunday went so well. Jake is a managing sort. Sunday, when we were choosing meals, she asked her daughter what she felt like eating and named off menu items. (Pippi is almost 16 years old!!!!!) When the girl’s burger arrived, Jake asked if she wanted it cut. I defended Pippi and my niece ate more for dinner than she has in ages (because Jake says Pippi doesn’t eat very much). So, Monday Jake calls me. It appears the oldest, Princess, has shingles. I commented that it unfortunately happens when a person has a low immune system. Which got her defensive because her daughter is as healthy as she can be (she wears the same size as her 15 and a half year old sister). Then, she went on to say that Princess wanted Mommy time and wasn’t feeling good and couldn’t get a hold of her all day on Sunday. So, once again mom got in the way of her family. I got mad at that. (I even said a bad word!!!) I replied that Princess is 30 years old, you guys talk every day, she knew you were doing something you will never get to do again, she has been married for at least 10 years and has a husband. And a cat and a dog. She could certainly be ok for the 6 hours you were busy with mom. (I wanted to say, ‘I know this is a horrible disease, but don’t complain about mom when I’ve been doing stuff by myself for the last month and more.’ I refrained.) I was glad I wasn’t seeing them for a while. She did invite me over for dinner Tuesday after I posted that morning how odd I felt on the ever sharing FB, but thankfully I was doing something else. (she said it was one of mom’s favorite dinners. I had no idea mom liked dinners at my sister’s.)

Tuesday. Mum’s been gone an entire year. Her hairdresser (who also spoke at mom’s service) came with me to a different portion of the inlet to scatter a few more ashes. She also prayed with me and reminded me that I was the favorite child. (apparently people tell hairdressers everything!!!) I knew mom ‘liked’ me the most, it is why I was allowed to live with her.(Jake is not an easy sister, I can imagine she wasn’t an easy daughter!) I’m still tired and ready to cry from too much.  I am going to try to distance myself from everything for a day or so. Leave the house and my sister and Oregon. I’d say I was looking forward to it, but I’m only thinking it is a good idea at this moment. I wanted to leave Wednesday. Any time much later, I won’t have the chance!

Except when I was speaking to The Craftsman about mum’s car, he reminded me it’s been a while since the oil was checked. So, I will look at that tomorrow and top it if needed and hope it doesn’t need anything else. Living with a mechanic, I don’t think of these things. Sometimes I think I’m not as responsible as I believe I am.

Thankful- Cat Nips

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. ~W.J. Cameron

Mittens has adjusted to a house of two older male cats better than the two older males have adjusted to her. Maxwell is definitely aging and meows very loud now, cuz he can’t hear himself. Moses hisses and growls, yet he’s not as aggressive as he was with Kila. Part of it might be Mittens maturity, too. She’s over 10 years old and we gained Kila at barely 3. Kila was never mature and enjoyed romping. Mittens, she tends to walk around Moses if he is being annoying. It is funny to watch her disdain. She has hissed a bit at Maxwell, but he can’t hear her anyway!

Both boys are glad to see the female two legger back. Or at least, they are glad to be able to snuggle up to a body after the house empties in the morning and visit with me outside! I’m not too sure they are keen on my giving out CBD drops at bedtime. Maxwell is much harder to dose, he needs it the most, too. Moses is, I think, becoming resigned to them. You can see both of those two hurt as they move. Aging is hell on both man and beast. I’m not putting the drops in their food. Maxwell refuses it and Moses mostly nibbles.

Oddly, the other night, I thought I heard something in the laundry room. I was sure of it when Moses looked up from where he was sleeping on my legs. Then, there was a crash and even Max looked up. I carefully tiptoed out to the laundry room and saw something had fallen, but there was no evidence of an intruder, other than the empty food dish on the floor. I’ve been told there is a neighbor cat who sometimes visits. I was talking to the eldest son at the time and he laughed. His comment between the cats about town? ‘Man, you gotta visit these guys. Cat nip is so old school, they’ve got better stuff in their canned food!’ I had to remind him that CBD oil is not hallucinogenic.

Cats and kids. Crazy adorable fools.

Saving Lives

You don’t need to be a first responder or a health professional to save someone’s life. More often you are just a normal person living your everyday life. This happened to me today. I’ve had many experiences since my last post, but this one surpasses them all, because I’m alive. (I’m also writing this on my iPad because it’s near me and I’m too tired to walk to the laptop yet. Like Jack, I much prefer the keyboard. I reckon I’m old school in some respects!) I’ve had this sort of rescue before, but not in a long while.
By now, most of my followers know I have some health issues. They often cause annoyances in my life. I have trouble getting in and (especially) out of the kayak, my right leg often goes numb and aches, shoes usually hurt my feet, my eyesight is wonky now and then, I use syringes in public, and deal with other things caused by MS and or being a person with Diabetes. Living as a caretaker drops its own trying situations in my lap. And there in lies the germ of this incident.
I had been outside a good deal on Saturday. Ended up running errands twice for mom (she decided after I’d already done some errands, she needed more cracked corn for the ducks), was in the kayak chasing the beautiful assassin loon, and cleaned up the mess of soil mum made in the shop.
(And I just changed my keyboard on my iPad, so now I have to figure out how to put it back…half the letters are on the left, the others are on the right. Odd, you just pushed them together with your fingers, but it’s still in the wrong place. I should have waited til I felt better and used a real keyboard! Technology is so frustrating!)
Anyway, I did a great many outside things, so was tired. But, I also wanted a shower. I don’t like showering when mum’s awake. She gets disgruntled with longer ones and it’s less stressful for me if she’s sleeping with her oxygen on, because I know where she is! So, I stayed up rather late again. Four am, until it was time to get mum up to empty her waste bag. I had a low glucose about 230 am, so had too many carbs. I didn’t check my blood at 4. I should have. I woke again around 930 to look in on her, but she had been up and was sleeping again. She had expressed interest in attending church, but I opted not to wake her. (She’d had a pain pill and bolus and looked like she needed sleep.)
I had checked my own glucose and it was higher than I wished so, took some insulin. I don’t normally eat anything before noon, but I was sure I’d be ok. I had been given a chance to attend a barbecue and at about 1130, I texted my friend and said I’d be staying home today with mum. It was almost lunchtime, but for some stupid reason I plopped onto my bed and FELL ASLEEP! At 1, my friend texted me back. The ping woke me up and I was disoriented and confused. I was sweaty and (because I was confused, got dressed in clothes like I was going somewhere and not just staying home to dink around.) when I checked my glucose. It was 54.
I got some sugar, lunch, and texted my friend a thank you. Now, I’ve got a headache. However, I’m alive to get one. And I’m entirely grateful.

Instant Everything

Yup, all my fears were for naught. I’m going with instant everything. (do you know how many things in existence that are instant??? Least favorite, potatoes. Mashed potatoes need to made from real tubers. But, I digress!)

Thursday was awful, in many ways. (I’m still looking at it with dismay!) After I changed mum, I took her to the eye doctor. She was being all busy and slamming things around, she even put in her new teeth. I am pretty sure she would not have gone anywhere if the choice would have been hers. (Ignoring doctor visits is not a choice for her.) Once there, she was feeling quite well again. Although, her fitting started to leak. He prescribed new glasses. (she better live a lot longer, she’s getting lots of new things to help her with day to day life!) However, mum wasn’t too thrilled with the choices, nor was I. Glasses styles are now veering towards the cat eye or 70’s look again. I think that is silly. If I like a pair of glasses, I should be able to get the ones I want. Not ones that are in style! So, she did not get any yet. In a few weeks, the office will have new choices and she’ll go back in and look those over. After that, mum went shopping.

I waited in the car for almost an hour and she finally came out in a snit. Without any bags. It appears she wasn’t able to write a check and her credit card was denied. I couldn’t get much out of her, but went in and got her purchases. (They had been put aside because mom said her daughter would be in to get them.) Almost 70 dollars and most of it was just stuff. Lights for her garden and a sewing pattern for doll clothes and other junk she does not need. She was so mad, I get this, I’d have been mad, too! She hates depending on me to do things for her.

Anyway, the nurse arrived before mum finished lunch and I was able to chat with her about my fears. The gal is new and moved up to AK to fill in for 13 weeks from somewhere in the south. She said she had gone hiking and loved it. We reminded her to be very careful and take a firearm. Bears in spring have been known to kill. She was surprised at our insistence and said we were scaring her. Good! She did say, after she got in her car to leave, she saw a momma bear and two cubs in the road.

I talked to her about mum’s tummy. In pancreatic cancer (and in other illnesses) a health issue called Ascites can develop. This is a buildup of fluid in the abdomen from somewhere. Anyway, the nurse looked her over and said, for now, she looks good. She did say, that could change in a week. The hardness is there, but don’t worry and keep an eye on it. (My FIL had that happen a couple of times and needed ‘drained’. It was horrible. I do not want to have mum go thru that!) So, I was incredibly relieved to find out my worries were just that, a bunch of mountains made of mole hills. As if I need to add more troubles to a world who hands them out on a regular basis!

What do you do when you worry? I was so thankful after the nurse visited, I went out and got ice cream and read a book!


Friday morning, I woke mum again at 430 am. And needed to change another fitting. This time, I went straight back to sleep! (I was really very tired from yesterday.)

My Favorite People

This week is one I try to share love and good things. So, I’m going to do that by telling you about my very favorite job and the people who have it. (I’m a tad annoyed, the format of the blog is doing odd things. Bear with it, please!)

The other day, I was texting with a friend before my phone decided it was out of the service area (I’d not moved from the spot on my basement couch.). He had just told me that in school he was often allowed to run the projector. Now, most readers may not have a clue as to what this means, let me explain. It was a top dog role in the classroom. It was the chance to be in control of a moving picture and the reels it was on. I recalled how this job was often given to a male student, but the person who checked it out to the teacher was almost always a female. The librarian. She knew how to fix anything to do with the A/V equipment, was knowledgeable about the crazy thing called the Dewy Decimal system, and her area was almost a holy ground. She was my hero and I wanted to be one of those incredible people someday.
Alas, I was a lazy student, clueless, and by the time I graduated from school, I had decided to teach. (I went on to college and didn’t reach that goal either.) I’ve never lost my admiration and love for librarians. One of my very best friends became one and has worked all over the world. (She writes of her experiences in the blog Living the Travel Channel) Today,  I have several incredibly good friends who are librarians, of both sexes. I love them very much, each and every one. They are my heroes. I should have pursued the librarian dream…I am thankful I get to touch it!

I have been a volunteer with children programs in libraries and been a member of a city library board. I check out books from all over the US. (In one library, the employees always wanted to be the first to call me. They enjoyed how excited I was when a book came in!) When my boys were 5, their most precious birthday present was a library card of their very own. It was their passport to the universe and they’ve never abused that gift of knowledge. For myself, I have always loved meeting and working and playing  with these incredible and wonderful people.

Today, a librarian does a million more things than organize and dispense books. I’ve been told by many how obsolete a library is and I laugh. In a world of fast changing information, the best place to visit is a library. The best person to talk to is a librarian. Because, they know.

I leave you with this catchy tune from Music Man (found on YouTube, another library, photos are from free photo library in WP).


Pride and Thankfulness


I made a mistake. I was so proud of myself for taking such good care of mum’s finances and this month I blew it. It could have been worse, thank God it wasn’t. I forgot it was January. The month of premiums and the full price meds. Plus, I got those tickets to Oregon at the end of Dec and then the ones north for today. Last night, I had to use my Oregon debit card to pay for groceries. (I’ll need to put it back, The Craftsman will be surprised..) Anyway, I tumbled hard from my proud ledge and it hurt. I thought it was mostly fixed til I got home and went online. Another one of the bills I have taken from the account came thru after 6 pm. Electricity is expensive when your whole house is electric. Almost 750$. I transferred quite a bit from savings to checking, but it wasn’t enough.

I was so thankful I had a chance to see my SSC friend. When your soul is so full of tears they spill without any help, it is wonderful to have a friend who cares when you cry. So many things slipped out unexpectedly.

Then, this morning, I went online again. I thought I was going to need to transfer some more and the site was offline. (So screwy when online banking is offline!)  I dinked around a bit and went back. And almost cried. My dad came through again.

Years ago, I was in AK traveling to OR with the boys. HS and grade school age. We’d come to AK for Christmas break and were on our way back. We’d heard there was bad weather in Seattle, but planes were still flying, so it was just information. (I had no idea how important that information would be!) We were in ANC and dad asked if I needed any money. (He may have asked if I wanted it) I told him we’d be fine. We were only going to be in Seattle long enough to change planes and then we’d be in Portland. Piece of cake!

We blithely flew to Seattle to discover the cake had fallen and was on the floor and no one could tell what kind it was. The boys and I were stuck in Seattle for 3 days. Not Seattle, the airport. To this day, this airport is my least favorite place in the world. (granted, I’ve not been in too many airports, but after three days any airport will drive you nuts!) We did manage to run into a friend from the town we lived in. She was traveling with her 2 younger girls from Sweden. We got together and it was much better, but the boys and I quickly ran out of cash.

I decided then I would most likely never ever turn down the offer of cash when traveling. I may not want it, I may not use it, but I’d have it! Today, with the advent of debit cards, it would be less stressful. Maybe.

So, yeah, Dad came through with help again. His SS had been deposited and I’m so thankful dad is watching over things, still. I do miss you, Daddy. Thank you.

And I am



The day celebrating our American Thanksgiving has come and gone. Mum opted to go to my sister’s for lunch, she was in the ‘pushing jello uphill’ mode, but was determined. (It is terribly hard it is to be around someone who doesn’t want to do something they feel they should)

While discussing going last night, Mum asked me what we were bringing. I blinked. Do we have to bring anything? Mum responded she always brings something. Usually olives and baby pickles. I asked her why she hadn’t told me this earlier and she said she forgot. So, when we left late, I wasn’t sure we’d have time to stop at a store. We did and mum was going to get out. She then changed her mind and said I would be faster and to also get a veggie tray. I hoped I’d remember everything! (I did forget the smart water which was on the list I did not look at, the one residing in my back pocket!)

While at Jake’s, I discovered something. My little sister is like me in many ways. (these are from 2014, the missing heads is my favorite, my niece took that one!)

We have always been told all three of us look exactly alike, I’ve heard it said my sister and I have a similar laugh, and she does two things I do all the time. (things I’m learning to NOT do anymore and am more aware of.) She apologizes for everything and feels all problems are her fault. I wanted to cry when I heard her act the same way I do. This is NOT RIGHT! (shouting to remind myself it is important) How did two girls end up with the same thought pattern? Ok, I know, we were in the same family. But, I raised my sister, not mom. I guess Jake imprinted on me….ouch!

Mum dropped off to sleep a couple of times, forgot how to play Apples to Apples half way thru (this was sad, mum has always had a fast mind), and mentioned how she didn’t need pain meds anymore, so she wasn’t taking them often. I had the meds with me, she refused them til we got home. At that point she took two oxytocin and one for nausea. She also took a long nap and has been working on a scarf/hood (I wear mine often) for a cousin. She’s messed it up and is not sure where. She had trouble with one she was working on last year. Any sort of project with a bit of complication befuddles her. But, she’s fine. (I do not like that four letter word at all.)

Yet, I am thankful. I’m thankful for the people I know via WP, the ones I know from other social medias, for the people who help me as I muddle through my days, for my sister (was that an earthquake?? Laughing out loud!), for my family both near and far, for friends who care for me in spite of myself and for myself, for knowledge and being able to recognize when I need to let go. For knowing I can become the person I was meant to be.


Also for flirtatious men who try to make a ‘pick up’ at the local sanitation drop (dump!). Yes, that really happened and Kris smiled. I was bundled up from top to toe, was doing nothing more than the dump run, and wasn’t even thinking of flirting at that moment (yeah, I must have been feeling sick, right!?! LOL). The poor guy must have been hard up for women. But, as I said, it did make me smile as I followed his truck out onto the highway. (our paths diverged and it was quite ok!)

All’s Well, I hope!

If any of you have read my previous post, you know things have been bad this week. Friday, it got worse before it got better. Life is sort of like that.

On Thursday night, I cried over the phone to one of my friends and was helped enough I could finally sleep. Mum has been taking care of herself, it has been ok. She’s managed to muddle along. Her glucose is ridiculous, she insists she isn’t eating anything beyond what she is supposed to. (Which is illogical.) I suppose I should ask if she can get her insulin pump back. Mum feels it made things much easier. (I’m not entirely sure of that, but whatever.) I’ve not left her alone yet, Friday was very busy and then I have a stack of mom errands for Monday. Things I’ll do because I know she won’t get them done or can’t. She also wants me to find her totes of polar fleece (she has NOT finished with all the totes of yarn I brought up previously, but she’d like to change up her projects. Doing the same ones all the time is boring, I guess). I’m going to need muscle to help with those. Bringing them downstairs wasn’t that bad, gravity helped slide them down the carpet and I used a sled to pull them over the ground to get them from the garage (sleds are useful in summer, fun in winter!). Up is a bit more difficult. I suppose I could empty the totes and bring up the fabric and then bring up the empty tote…I may do that. If there is one thing I hate to do more than spending money, it is bothering people!

I had to bother people for the drains. I called the first company, Roto Rooter, and Travis came out before noon. It was horrible. While he was here, it flooded AGAIN in the laundry room. I think he was rather frustrated. So, was I. We cleaned up sewage water in the basement and tried to find reasons for why this keeps happening. He and a pumping company were here just a couple of months ago to clean grease out of the system. There isn’t any reason for it to happen so fast. Not even if we were pouring grease down all the time. Travis wonders if the ground is cursed! He broke up a layer of grease before the waste gets to the drain field and cleaned out the lines again with hot water.

I know there is a bad ‘pipe’ as dad used to snake from the kitchen all the time. Yet, the problem appears to be in the basement and when the camera is dropped down the pipe just outside the house, there is a thick coating of grease on the walls. There are many things which can create buildup. Soaps are horrible. I use the dishwasher a couple of times a week and wash three loads (or so) of clothes. Mum rarely showers. I shower every other day, if I can. Sometimes every day. I take short showers and turn off the water if I am going to be longer. I use shampoo and conditioner, I finally got new bottles after a year (yes, it can take me that long to go thru things!). I know my hair is a huge problem, the stuff sheds like maple leaves on a tree in an October storm. I am careful about grabbing it to keep from the drains, but am sure some escapes. However, the hair does not turn to grease. The coffee grounds were probably not a good idea. Travis found it stuck in the grease on the walls of the pipes.

I talked to a gal at the pumping place I called Friday afternoon. She said the Powers that Be are baffled as to why this keep happening. (When you call the same people for the same problem over and over, they start to look for patterns.) Mum is the only anomaly. Googling the topic is not as efficient as it could be. I don’t know what to ask. I belong to a couple of pancreatic sites, but I think I need to join some on ostomies as well. Yet, how can a single body be responsible for that much grease buildup?  I try to limit my own fat intake. I will be more careful. I did tell mum I could put us on a fat free diet and she said her diet is already boring. I was sad. I didn’t think it was boring and she does have a shake at least once a week.

Anyway, (I wished he’d have had time to snake the pipe in the wall, but the snake he uses was filthy after it was used in the laundry room! I was sort of glad I didn’t’ have to clean that up on a wall!) before he left, he gave me some other ideas to try and called the pumping service for me. Travis didn’t charge me for his visit, I was teary as he left. I fully expected to pay.

Later, about dinner time, Dustin showed up. Predictably, I was nervous. As often as this company has exhibited an overabundance of kindnesses towards mum and myself, well, they WERE responsible for the sewage flooding a couple of years back.  Dustin didn’t have a camera, wasn’t quite sure what the problem was, but after talking to Travis and his supervisor, sucked the thing clean from the house to the drain field. Again. I think the last part, the sucking out of the house, was probably the best thing. I’m pretty sure there is an issue inside. It was suggested I pour a couple of stock pots of boiling water into the bath at least once a week and let it drain through. Heating water in the microwave isn’t good enough, nor is water from the heater. It needs to be hotter. He told me what he had done, gave me a few more suggestions, and then I was handed the bill. I knew this was going to be at least $500 and had the check all ready to finish and sign. The total? It read zero. I cried and made Dustin get teary, too. I’m completely humbled by the kindnesses of these companies. They know it is something unusual, they are out often, and they want to help.

I scrubbed out the shower last night, didn’t take one, I’ll do that later. I need to wash some clothes first and mum says she wants a shower. I’m also going to google the history of an Elk’s shinding called a ‘Purple Bubble Ball.’ It is happening tonight and just sounds fun (no, am not going. I need a shower, remember?). I’ll also look into sites on the ostomy, later when I can spend more time online.



When a person starts a blog and then followers appear, the blogger wonders. At least, I do. I didn’t really mind if anyone ever followed me, it wasn’t important. (I didn’t realise how silly that was!) For me, I embrace a few of my followers and hope the rest don’t mind my trips thru the net. (I even follow some who don’t follow me.) I started this particular blog because I needed a place to scream visually, to be myself, and to cry. I’m pretty sure there are a great many wet shoulders out there! I call this my unfiltered facebook, because I can’t tell these things to most of the people who really know me…because 90% of this stuff is ‘OMG!!! You can’t be thinking/doing/believing/ that!” They’d like the cat parts I’ve added……..

Which is funny, those people I’ve lived with and/or known for years and years and they do NOT know me. You do. You blessed lights of people who share love and give advice and care and seem to like my mental wanderings. We are in each other’s living rooms, bedrooms, cars, work places and we belong.

Thank  you so much. I need you, each and every one. You are more than people I follow or people who follow me. You are friends.