I just finished an absolutely wonderful story. Amelia 1868 is a ghost story full of searching and betrayal and love and forgiveness. I have had it on my ‘to read’ list for several years and never managed to get to it. I was going to read it on the plane coming back from AK, but was sidetracked by my own longings for a place I didn’t want to leave. I finally started it and had a hard time putting it down. Oddly, there were some bits that didn’t mesh properly (like how the main character had this great dog that every so often vanished in the story line, when it had been rollicking along with the character page after page), but it was ok. The author once in a while uses the same words in subsequent paragraphs (‘While I no longer’ and then a bit later, ‘While I no longer.’), but it wasn’t horrible. I also had to read the last few pages a couple of times to make sure I was reading it properly. The two main characters suddenly became the main character ghosts, as well as themselves, and even if it was odd, it worked! Yet, the one thing that kept coming past me was love and forgiveness. In fact, in the last sentences, the author wrote this, “I’ve learned that forgiveness is the key to letting go and freeing oneself of the burdens of the past.” Which I happen to agree with myself.
Driving today, I was thinking about the different kinds of love there are. I didn’t focus on the Greek words or even muskrats, but wandered into my own ideas. I wondered if I had been a zombie lover. The kind of person who walks around blindly, roughly grabbing love from any and every one and then tossing more love away like confetti hearts before blithely walking on. I don’t want to be one of those.
I then thought about my favorite yard flower, the true DYF (Damn Yellow Flower). So often our yards are infested with yellow flowers of dandelion like origin, but only a few thousand are actually the wonderful not-weeds-to-me I love. (there is that word again!) I started smiling as I was driving and decided I need to be more like a dandelion! A simple, bright coin of petals (not always wanted, but always there!) nestled and thriving almost anywhere possible. A plant that can be used for medicine or food or picked by little hands and given as a gift. Eventually, these golden buttons on a green waistcoat turn into magical fairy orbs that burst apart with a breath to land and make more! Wouldn’t that be a wonderful way to love and be? To spread love with a breath, to be love that glows and gives in so many ways, to be ordinary and magical in different seasons, and to be there when needed.
This morning I was feeling a bit useless again. It is like I came back to Oregon to cook and clean and bake (a totally different kind of cooking!!) and I’m tired. I so wanted to sell the house and use a portion of it for me. It will and it won’t. When I said, a bit jokingly, that I could use the money I’ve been paying house bills in AK with for my meds, The Craftsman agreed and said it would help. The laptop I brought back from AK (mom’s) is being used for ‘important’ things since all the other technology is a bit aged and not compatible with tax or banking programs. I had wanted to use it to type mom’s dozens of journals into. I probably still can, it just will have other things on it. The house needs a new large freezer (Little Bear lost 7 containers of ice cream at one go. He was a bit upset! Photo is of the upstairs freezer one year, before I objected to having no room for venison. He now keeps the frozen sweets at his grandma’s. A few blocks away!) and I’ll probably need to buy that. At least, I am going to pay for the fixing of my watch. Not sure when I’ll get it back, but I can wait. It isn’t exactly a useful watch, but unlike the most wonderful K’ixie thigh highs I purchased before leaving AK, I can wear this most anytime!
I wasn’t chosen for the jury I thought I’d be chosen for. The labs I was supposed to get today will end up being done next week, I can’t just drop in. (the physician was very annoyed, ‘You may have a UTI and you have to wait until next week to pee in a cup???’) No one came home until very late for the very excellent dinner I made (Little Bear insists it needs sent to a lab to find out what proportion of spices I added, since I just added and didn’t measure). They left again to visit Grandma, it is her birthday. (I did suggest things they could get Grandma and I made her a cake. I didn’t want to go up. She’s never really forgiven me for marrying her beloved son. Although, she loves the grandsons!)
However, I imagine I am not entirely useless. I am a dandelion and I will glow and grow and infest your yard with forgiving bright joy. No matter how often you step on me or mow me or pull me up, I’ll be there!!! ! (NOTE: I’ve probably written this same post once before! Lol)