One more sleep til…

Happy almost Thanksgiving from the Pacific Northwest, the Eastern Oregon side. It has been an week full of odd things. Some have been good. I can finally actually walk and move. After a day of busy, I am beyond tired, but am managing quite well. (so far!) At least in the physical realm. Spiritually and in actually getting things done….not as well.

I’ve been absolutely angry at my family. Every year I am here, I start my holiday decorating around Thanksgiving. The holiday dishes are on the table, everything is spick and span, and there are just a few things left to put up. This year? Granted, I haven’t been feeling good, but I decided to try and do a speck of decorating and discovered it was going to be impossible. The Craftsman is not done with lights yet. (he goes all out in the lighting department and takes up the majority of the unfinished addition to empty his several totes of lights) I managed to put up a couple of things, Little Bear helped me when he heard a crash. After a bit, I stopped being angry. It just isn’t worth it. Perhaps it will get done on Saturday after Thanksgiving. (The Craftsman did find some holiday décor from Norway and Sweden that I’d taken from mom’s stash. I’m thankful to have those! I also have a mini nativity and a Russian doll nesting set from mom’s—I made her the nativity). It’s been horrible to clean, too- The funniest thing? Little Bear drives me to frustration and then does amazing helpful things. Two of the photos he’s shared with me:

I want another nativity in the shape of a cross (I collect nativities). I’ve wanted this since spring 2014 and it’s been thought about. I was hoping for help and was told ‘he had some ideas’. It is still not done. Nor is a giant earring holder I had started and The Craftsman took over last spring. He’s been busy with other things. (I think) Yet, in the larger scheme of things, I’m sure they will get done eventually and there are many other things much more important.  Like walking without limping, being able to purchase groceries, water (even if ours here has been doused with a percentage of bleach because a new well was opened), gas heating, inexpensive electricity, cats (usually), and so much more.

This Wednesday, I did manage to get out and about. I went shopping for last things I forgot (and completely didn’t realize I needed nasty white sugar!). I bought myself flowers (it is a friend’s birthday tomorrow, so I decided they were for both of us. She’s hundreds of miles away and so she won’t mind me keeping them in the window!). I went to a movie all by myself (as usual). For $5 I saw ‘The Holy Grail’ on a big screen and completely loved it. (the guys are at the movies tonight. The Ford vs Ferrari one. I could not watch that. I get vertigo with Wii golf! Cars racing on hills is a bad idea.) I stayed home to bake a pie.

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I’m rolling my eyes. I panicked because I noted I didn’t have the sugar AFTER I got everything measured and ready to mix. (I used brown, we’ll see how it goes) I made a whole lot of extra crust for decorations on the pie, too. I checked it and they looked almost done. The next time I checked, not more than two minutes later, they were overdone and on the extreme dark side of brown. So annoying! I did get most of the downstairs vacuumed and the dishes done, regular activities, but still they are done.  I’m going to post this also. Because I am on the desktop and Little Bear uses this to watch videos. (he’s been watching animal ones lately. Hilarious!)

For those in the US, may your plates be empty and your tummies full. For those in other places, have a splendid rest of the week!!!! (and be careful with those deals on Amazon!)

This is hard

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I’ve written a million times about mum and her last months. This summer I’ve dragged myself through generations of debris and lives. I’m supposed to be getting my own finds ready for boxing up to someday mail, but I tripped. I landed hard. I have fallen and I can’t get up. So, I’m talking to the only people I know who are awake and for some reason, listen.

This evening I started to attempt to sort the paperwork I acquired while caring for mum. The sympathy cards. The hospital records.  The notes from her cancer counselor on August 8 of last year that said mom was chatting about the local senior housing and was in great spirits and apparently feeling well, but that she and her daughter didn’t see eye to eye.

I have been crying off and on the last hour. I don’t know what to throw away. Gods, it’s like I gave her my last few years and nothing matters. I have to keep moving forward and I am not going anywhere. Like a treadmill with a virtual map. In the end, I’m tired and sweaty and back where I started. I don’t want to be strong anymore. I want held and cuddled and reminded it will be ok. Thank god for WordPress and my teddy bear!

When I return to Oregon, it’s exactly like that treadmill. I’ll have been changed, yet when I step back onto the floor, no one around me will notice anything other than that mostly quiet person is around again. I’ll be expected to be who I was 3 years ago.

In 10 hours, I need to be that strong person. I had hoped to ship boxes and totes in a container. Now, I need to adjust to moving them all by post. So, not only do I need to tear off bandages, exposing wounds, I need to discard what I had hoped to keep for what I might actually need to keep. Which is not really anything, except mom’s things I can better sell from the lower 48.

But, it really hurts.

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Raindrops are Falling on my Head

This is another favorite song from a while ago. If I remember the movie correctly, it was one of the first ones to romanticize bad guys. As a teen, I fell in love with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, carefully mentally editing those scenes where they shot people who bled graphically! (in the photo below, raindrops weren’t falling at that moment, but you can tell from the sparkles on the fireweed that they had been falling!)

Mum’s SABLE (Stash Acquired Beyond Life Expectancy) sale has been completed. There was a good sized crew of amazing women (and a few men) who helped this all come together. I woke Saturday night wondering if it was really done! I must admit, I’ve been second guessing some of the things I did (like NOT putting the expensive priced knitting kits with the regular yarn. I am certain they walked off in bags of ‘choose your own price’.). And with the rain, I was worried about the fabric and remnants of the stash, left under tarps in trucks til Monday morning. (The latter was done by the nice people who came to get it for a second hand store.) Yet, it isn’t my responsibility any longer and I have other things I need to do! As for the yarn, as a friend said, ‘People come to these sorts of events for steals.’ (So, I reckon a few got some, like the pick up full of bags of yarn!!!)

At 9 am, the doors opened and those queued outside came in and quietly packed up bags and bags and bags of crafting supplies. Some paid generously and others didn’t. I’m sure it all evened out (it was a donation sort of payment thing, except for those few things I knew had worth). It was odd the women with fancy nails, very nice clothing, and blinged out handbags were less open handed than others who dressed like ordinary folk. I’m glad it is done. Now, I can get to the real part of the house and it is so cool my bedroom echoes!!

When things were being unpacked before the sale, the ladies found some super awesome things and gave them to me. An Eskimo yo-yo (not made overseas!), some more of a ceramic chess set mum made that is in the shop of the garage (why it was in crafting stuff, one can only imagine!), and a million unfinished projects. I only cried a couple of times. Once when a nice lady offered to finish up a project and take the aprons to the Oncology centers (mum had been making them for the nurses, but didn’t count right. Now, the places have been partially restaffed, but it was a beautiful thing to choose to do). The first time was when a man came in with his wife and said to me, ‘I worked with your dad, he was a good man.’ I left the table and ran after him to talk about dad for a minute.

There were so many stories told to me about mum. (One lady I sincerely hope remembers to friend me on FB.) I’d mentioned I wanted to take mum to Homer and she was surprised mum had never been. I amended my comment and said, ‘Oh, we started there in the 70’s, but mum wanted to go back the last couple of years and we didn’t.’ The woman was very surprised cuz SHE lived in the same town at the same time we did and hadn’t known. I told her mum was pretty closemouthed about her early years in AK. We talked about where we’d lived and places we both remembered. Then, I mentioned we’d lived in an area of town that was pretty remote with my third dad. Her face was shocked. ‘Your mom was married to that B..….’ She paused. ‘Man? He was one of the scariest guys in out there! We were told to stay away from his place!’ I laughed and agreed, but she was floored.

One question that I realized the answer to Sunday morning in the shower was this. Q: ‘Why don’t you do any of these things.’ It dawned on me that I did not do the same sorts of crafts that mom did because she was so critical. Jake had trouble with that, I wasn’t going to even go there. So, I didn’t. She could guilt me for many things, but she couldn’t criticize me for my knitting or crocheting or sewing. Although, she did often say it wasn’t right I didn’t do it because if I did I could help her. (insert mega eye roll!)

These next weeks will be more difficult. I need to get the line dug up (or should I just keep having it cleaned out, expensive band aid?), talk to someone about buying it (gods, I do NOT want to do that…), and sort for the sale of more personal things. I also need to stop whining! If I get too horrible, please pull me up shorter than I already am. (thank you!)

I’ll close with a moose playing peekaboo last week! (I wasn’t THAT close–)

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Learning Goes On

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I feel like poor Ned in the Dr. Seuss book ‘One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish’. I don’t know what to do! I kept putting things off so I can talk to the accountant, but really, I just need to dive in and get the debris packed/sold/gone. As much as it breaks my heart, I cannot keep this place. (I’m starting to cry as I write) I cannot feasibly afford it and it is like experiencing my dad’s death all over again. (oddly, not mom’s. Mom left me with so much of a mess, I miss dad more right now. He brought us to this house and was our dad and it was home.) Yet, it isn’t the actual house I’m going to miss so much, or the lake (although, I will miss that. Dad’s ashes are in it-I need to add mom’s sometime), or watching the saga of life unfold outside the window (there is a fight commencing between two male common golden eyes for the same lady!). It is this amazing place where I belong. Once I actually leave, I can only return as a visitor. And, honestly, I’ll have no real reason to. My sister isn’t a large enough of a reason (she didn’t come south for anything in my family, although she might since her daughter is in Seattle and that is fairly close to where I live down there). This place is in my bones and blood. I may have lived in Oregon for most of my life, but not much of it counts for anything other than a place to have and raise the boys. There is a line in the book of Ruth-‘Your place shall be my place and your people shall be mine’ or something like that. I used that in my wedding, but my mindset wasn’t right. I was always the interloper, the outsider, the one who came in and stole a town icon and even the town icon seems every so often like he got into something he didn’t expect (of course, most marriages have that tendency!!!!!). Another thing I’ve learned, being up here, in my own house, I can act and do exactly what I want without having to worry about how people see me or gossip and I can dress in the way I want to. (small towns are very knowledgeable. In fact, out here, there is a giant network of information-right or wrong-, but I’ve not found it as wearing.)

This week has been educational in many ways. I’ve realized being alone is incredibly peaceful. Walking on the beach, spying a very young eagle overhead, and chatting with a fisherman who has a house with many of the same problems mine does! (must be a thing out here!) He has a wife who is dying, has 8 kids (that isn’t the same as me, thank goodness!), and goes to the inlet to find rest.  Although, he takes a pole and I just look at the mountains and find rocks.

I went to a bridal shower and found it entirely too loud! (I also thought about how different showers were in the late 80’s. Or at least mine. Mine was guested by mostly older women who gifted many utilitarian items that were doubled or tripled. Not a speck of lace unless it was on a throw pillow, or silky stuff or gift certificates for anywhere. Not a smidge of anything even slightly inappropriate!) This shower had things that made the older than I am bride to be blush like a full blown rose all mixed in with utilitarian. I admit,  I didn’t take one of the cupcakes. Mostly because I’d had a sliver of cake and was trying to keep the carbs down. I was also given a bag of kisses and a lovely cookie on my way out the door! (the elegance of the candies on the glass plate with the cupcakes nearby made me laugh!)

Friday was pretty busy with running around. I finally got the estate check (I hope) taken care of, I don’t know if there are any other checks in Oregon that might be estate. I hope not. (no one has notified me of any mail I might have gotten. I know I got an invitation to the wedding this weekend, but I’ve not been told yet. Thankfully, I asked what time it was while at the shower!) I also found out how very horrible technology is. Let me ‘splain. Mum had an expensive sewing machine. (If the price she wrote down is any indication, it was around 5 thousand US dollars) She didn’t use it much. (I found out later, my sister used it after it was purchased and broke something with the needles-of course. I believe it was fixed, as mom used it a few times before she died and  I was told that sort of thing happened often.) When she was in the hospital that last time, she kept telling me to sell it. l found out today it might be worth $500. Just before 6 pm, I called the Fabric Center where it was purchased and after exchanging more information, found out it might not even be worth that. You see, when mom purchased this, it was new and top of the line (that is actually in the name!). However, part of the fancy technology was computerized. Floppy disk computerized. If it had a USB port, that would make it more user friendly for today, but as my youngest said, it will need remodeled for the new era.

(OH! UPDATE: there is one male golden eye bobbing in and out of the water right near where I sit when I am down by the lake! I don’t see a lady. I wonder if he’s the spurned lover? Or perhaps he’s showing off how well he can dive in the same spot? I see the other male across the water, but the female is not visible. Of course, she’s not in bright white and black!)

One of the best parts of Friday was meeting an author. Patience Griffin not only creates chaptered designs with words and syntax, but she creates quilts and (I believe) the fabric she makes the quilts with that go with her books! I was honestly glad mum wasn’t with me, she’d have purchased all of Patience’s books and fabric and patterns online! (Actually, there may be some of the novels in mum’s stacks and boxes….) I need to find one to read. AFTER I get done here. I’m taking ages to read anything I have with me. Crazy!

The very best part of today was seeing twins. I think they were probably a couple of days old, I wasn’t able to snap their photograph. Babies even the size of a tiny horse move fast! I did take a fleeing photo of a single baby with a mom on my way to the wedding shower. I’ll work on getting better photographs of babies!

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Friday Night

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She had gone to bed early, waiting for him. He came in the room to get ready for bed and saw her waiting. His smile caught her breath and he crept under the covers to pull her close. As they kissed his hand dropped to her thigh and then inside her leg. She writhed under his touch and moaned into his devouring lips.

Gently, then with movements aided by primal hunger, they wound themselves around each other in the blankets. The darkened room filled with heat. The two lovers merged into one. Over and over, he thrust himself into her willing body. The jazz music he’d turned on, the taste of sweat on his skin, and the feel of her body stretching combined into a sensory overload. They couldn’t see much, just shadows, it was enough. Their enjoyment continued as the two tumbled into sleep, still wrapped in each other’s arms.

In the morning, birdsong woke them, but the dream went on.

What really happened:

She was in bed in her jammie top and panties pretending to read Jonathan Livingston Seagull. He finally arrived, with the cat following. Moses hopped up on the bed, was petted (to be fair, he was insisting on it!), and she was talked to about Moses. He crawled into the just washed sheets and blankets (clean linen is so sensuous!!!) after turning off the light and moving Moses. The two kissed a couple of times, one of his hands was ‘petting’ her bare thigh, and eventually he went to sleep with his hand on his tummy. Quietly, she moved her hand under his, palm against his lower abdomen. (She was remembering friends who suggested she encourage him in different ways). He sighed and his fingers instinctively clasped hers. Moses walked around the prone bodies looking for a place to rest, she moved him to the foot of the bed, where he stayed briefly. She stroked the slumbering man’s inner thigh with one hand while the other was held captive. Eventually, she realized his grasp had loosened and he was truly asleep. Moses moved to up in the bed to between her legs where he curled up for a nap. She smiled at the cat, carefully moved her hands since they were trapped (sleeping bodies must be heavier than ones awake!). Quietly, she listened to the CD always played at night, thinking of the futility of intimacy in the 5th decade. She eventually fell asleep.

In the morning, she woke and he tried to cuddle her. Unfortunately, she had to use the bathroom, he already had. After, she checked her glucose, took a smidge of insulin, she got back into bed. He stroked the side of her face over and over. Eventually, she moved to kiss his hand (the touches were a bit repetitive and not a bit sensual). He stopped moving and eventually dropped off to sleep. He was briefly awakened by her alarm and her movements to reach over and turn it off. She spooned against him, wriggling her bottom a bit, and he started stroking her arm. Until he dropped off to sleep again. After 30 more minutes, he finally got up and dressed, opened the blinds to the sunshine, kissed her as he exited the room, leaving the door open wide.

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I know he’s tired. I know we both hurt from our uncertain life stages (him-shoulders and back and knee, me-at least one disease that makes most of me worn out to the max!). I know I’m not thin anymore. I know I don’t believe I spend enough time doing things he’d like. (I did watch part of an old Jimmy Stewart movie he was watching. I was doing chores in between scenes. Since I leave in a week, there is a great deal to do!) I know this week has been busy for both of us and scheduled time is a necessity. We are going with the kid to see End Game on Sunday, so I reckon I’ll get to sit in between the two during. (back seat on the way there and probably next to after while they eat). Although, the time he wants to go is going to be difficult. I always need to check my glucose around 5 and definitely at 6. I will probably need to eat a protein bar during the movie, negating a need for a full meal after when they are eating. The movie is long and we’ll be in the theatre at that time. I’m sure it will work out, I may need to sit on the aisle so I can leave for 5 minutes. As I said earlier, ‘Let it Be.’

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OH, I had a blood draw on Friday and it didn’t take much time at all. I got to hold a purple warm hand for a bit (glove filled with hot water) and she used a butterfly on top of my hand, but she got what she needed! Whoo hooo! My endocrinologist appointment is on Tuesday-at 4 pm!!!! (I planned that poorly!) And I need to get dinner from the oven right now, so may your weekend be great and your experiences full of good things.

Bloom and Not

The Craftsman’s African Violet is finally showing beautiful blooms after a long dormancy. I, however, am not.

Saturday of this last week, The Craftsman said he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible since I was leaving in a few weeks (2, as of that particular date). I was skeptical, but agreed. Skeptical because this last week was the start of a tulip festival several hours away that I’ve always wanted to attend. (for at least a decade!) I had mentioned it, put information on the counter about it, and the time is passing. Little Bear even asked about it. This next Saturday night I could have gone to a musical with our former librarian, but opted out. In case The Craftsman should want to do something.

We’ve finally watched most of the Marvel movies (still need to see Ant Man and the Wasp, which I was told is more crucial to understanding End Game than the last very bad Marvel movie) and I suggested we should watch ‘Newsies‘ last weekend. It is a favorite, but we’ll get to it eventually. (it might be one I take north with me!!) Sunday night I was asked if I felt like going through boxes up at his mom’s from our move to EO in 2008. After about 30 minutes of sorting, a neighbor stopped by to ask a car question (they are both car buffs) and in the ensuing discussion the two discovered more mutual hobbies. This time of Hot Wheels and model railroading. (I laughed and left them to it) I eventually went home with the kid.

Monday, I baked and did chores all day. When The Craftsman called after work, he said he’d stop to pick up some things at the store, meds and what not. He also said he was going to help someone with their car that evening. (he did bring me home some delightful purple mini carnations. Although, I never buy flowers in the spring. I pick garden ones and have vases in several spots full of flowers! He got back from working on the car about 930 and after his shower went upstairs to do something.) Tuesday he has a weekly meeting to attend (Little Bear is going to try to see End Game. Neither will be home til after 9.). Wednesday, Little Bear is working after work for one of his bosses on her ranch and The Craftsman is maybe picking up some materials in a different town after work for a project he’s started. (about 40 minutes from here, so not too far away) Saturday is a city wide clean up and dump day (I got my pond and rocking yard chair different years from that particular day!). I’ve asked if we can got to End Game on Sunday afternoon, we’ll see.

As for me, one morning at the end of this week I get to have my blood drawn and then on the 7th I visit my endocrinologist. My glucoses have been ridiculous! I need to return to the north where I don’t cook or eat much but low sugar ice cream and chicken! Although, I did discover an excellent way to eat a yummy cheese spread I make frequently. It is cream cheese mixed with shredded cheese and a packet of dry ranch dressing. I started filling celery sticks with it and those are devoured like candy by all three of us! So, I think I’ll make that up there, too.

I missed Book and Flower day this year. It was on my calendar, but I decided not to give away either one and stayed inside. I also missed Earth Day..Since Naked Gardening Day is on Saturday, I’ll miss participating in that, too! I reckon I’ll go back in time and give you an army of frogs (that is what a LOT of frogs are called!) post Earth Day. These are from a few years back! (I love their little ‘hands’!)

Lessons in the Dirt-more or less

Wishing I wasn’t here. Yet, at the same time, I’m glad to be in my yard and garden and house. (usually) The last couple of nights I’ve been sleeping in the living room with the cats. To keep them from bothering The Craftsman while he gets the dubious amount of sleep he can. (he did a home sleep study, but he’s not heard back from the clinic yet. He got an MRI the other day on his neck. Aging is hard on a body!) I leave for the north in a bit more than a month. They will miss me when I go, no one will be here to make dinner again. (speaking of, I need to get that started soon. Chicken soup) I had to cancel my appointment with my MS doctor. It was for the end of July and I cannot dash back to the states and then turn around and go back north. No one knows what tomorrow brings, even when it is planned for. My next appointment is in November. We’ll see. I am hoping my primary doctor can reinstate the Vitamin D dosage I was on. (I sincerely felt better taking so much, even if those numbers on the blood tests were significantly higher than they were supposed to be.) There is a great deal to do and I’m not eager to do any of it!

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I was driving back to the house yesterday, thinking about where I am. I am not sure if there is a romantic love in my marriage. I’m pretty sure it is a caring, duty, sort of love. I have serious diseases that are mostly taken care of. I have a house I enjoy here (not the place, the house!) I mostly get to do things I want to do (I have mentioned several times we should go driving in the Mercury. I was out working in the yard last Sunday and The Craftsman came down to say if I wanted, he could get the car out. Surprised, I mentioned it was close to dinner and did he have time. He said not really, but it would be a good thing to spend time with me. I gently reminded him I was dirty and would need to get tidy and perhaps we should go a different day. He agreed. He also was supposed to grill our dinner, but wasn’t home til almost a half hour after I usually eat. I made dinner in the new frying pan Little Bear bought me. It was delicious, The Craftsman was a bit annoyed and said he got home as soon as he could.). It is crazy. This guy habitually watches Hallmark movies, so he must have romance in his soul. He is a very good kisser (when they happen) and he’s always touching me if we are in the same area. Yet…there is something missing. If I was a betting sort, I’d bet it was enjoyment.

I often wonder what I can do to make things better. I see so many instances where I ask and nothing happens (like the driving). I was going to make an earring holder. I bought some items and found out The Craftsman was working on a plan. It is in the basement in bits. I have a cross puzzle decoration idea I’ve been wanting to create for YEARS and The Craftsman was given the shape sizes and he’s still working on it. I know I need to sort through my things and get rid of some..they are underneath debris belonging to The Craftsman or Little Bear!!! (Moving their stuff is akin to misaligning a rocket booster!)

I was sharing with TnT that I felt a bit like a plant in the kitchen. It isn’t a Boston Fern, but an African Violet. It is green and has a million leaves, is huge, and is taken care of each week. But, it hasn’t bloomed in years. I seem to bloom best in Alaska.

One of the things I did this week was pull a root. It reminded me a great deal of life. (I was also struck by a comment made by Jack about pulling them up instead of letting them stay in the ground) One of the things I don’t like about spring is pulling up baby trees and flowers. This particular locust was rather tall and I wanted it out of my flower garden. So, I decided to take it out. I eventually cut it off when I got to the fence. The darn thing went under the fence and sidewalk and I’d already managed to get almost on my belly to remove it! (The lighter bit near the shovel handle is the ‘tree’ part.)

I found out later it had been mostly dug up when the septic line had been put in last summer. Then, it had been reburied. (I wanted to cry, but I suppose it was good for me to get on my knees in the dirt!) When we find things that need sorted and rebury them, it isn’t as simple to pull them out again later. They make more rootlets and start to grow again. This was also a sucker broken off the main towering tree in the middle of the yard. Suckers are little bits of trees pulling life from the host. They can sometimes be dug up and moved, creating a new tree, and even more rarely, they can be left alone to grow uninhibited, but more often, they just need taken out. My marriage has those reburied bits where I’m supposed to sedately grow the way I should. Or maybe they are bits that need removed? That is the problem with analogies, they work in many situations!!!

Catch Up

Ketchup is my son’s favorite condiment. Catch up is what I do when I put things off. So, in a nutshell.

Tuesday we went to see the newest Marvel movie. Honestly? It was only marginally good. In fact, if you miss the first hour for some reason, you won’t miss much of the story. There really wasn’t a plot, it was sketchy in many places, and the main character had about as much personality as a block of tofu. I fidgeted thru much of the first part and both Little Bear and The Craftsman (I was between them) asked if my blood was low! I kept hoping The Craftsman would hold my hand, but that didn’t happen til almost the end of the movie, for about 15 min. Later, I asked if maybe I had upset him (I really am a very bad movie goer.) I was too audible in many spots and I think I laughed way too hard when a few lyrics were sung near the end while the two main persons were doing dishes. (yeah, trying to not spoil anything good.) I think I was also one of the few in the theater who actually knew the song! Anyway, he seemed surprised. I said I liked it when he held my hand. He hugged me and then said, ‘The movie wasn’t bad.’ I felt a bit derailed. I let it go.

When the weekend arrived, I was pretty busy. On Saturday, I made cupcakes for church on Sunday (that was a mess!!! Piping icing needs to be HARD!) Soon after, I went to a wedding shower. This really deserves a post by itself because it was funny. I’ll sum up.

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I went with someone. (If I hadn’t been picked up, I’d probably not gone. I was feeling puny.) I’m glad I went. In spite of FB, I had no idea the bride to be had moved across the state. I also didn’t know her sister had moved to a totally different state with her older sister! Her older sister remembered a gift I’d given her for her wedding. (I was slightly mortified when she told me!) When I was married, many completely lovely and gifts of fru fru were given me.  One was a beautiful lily trivet. I used trivets, but this one had not been put into service yet. So, I decided to regift it. Unfortunately, I forgot something. Yup, under the gift in the box was a card to the newly married couple of my spouse and myself!!!!!! She thought it was funny and never forgot it. (stuff of memories) I gave the younger sister a gift card because I couldn’t make anything (I wasn’t told of this shower til two weeks before and wasn’t sure I wanted to go, even though I did) with short notice and not a single working glue stick and dust over everything in my craft room! Inside the card, I wrote a novel (we both love to read). Unfortunately, I forgot she’d been homeschooled and could not read or write cursive well at all. Her older sister said she’d read it to her later.

That evening, I decorated the cupcakes (see above note) and I think we watched Marvel’s ‘Winter Soldier’. I’ve been told there are no strong female super heroes. Obviously, the reviewers forgot about Black Widow. She is phenomenal. Although, she’s a whore and even mentioning that makes people freak out. Carol Danvers probably hadn’t kissed a man in decades, if ever, and was entirely too invincible. Another strong Marvel female was Peggy. I absolutely loved her and that series and was so darn mad when they terminated it after her character died in a major movie. Just cuz someone is dead doesn’t mean they don’t have a story!!

Sunday morning, my glucose was terrible. I was disgusted. It completely knocked me down for the morning. I managed to get a lot done, but I felt horrible. One of the things I did was put corned beef in the crock pot with basic veggies. Now, some might think this odd, but I’ve never made the stuff. Dad used to like it with the cabbage, I did not. So, this was an experimental meal. (note: it was well received!) After church, I went outside for a bit. It was so pretty and I wanted sunshine. Except, when I sat on my garden bench, all I could see were things that needed done. So, I went back inside, changed my clothes, mentioned to The Craftsman (he was watching TV, covered by cats) that I might need some help, and sailed into the weeding. Eventually, I went back in to get birdseed and said I was going to get a larger container for the debris. I was about done when he arrived outside, followed by cats. I had wanted some sturdy young trees pulled out (they multiplied like weeds while I wasn’t there to keep them under control). He used a very impressive looking set of clippers to remove them. Granted, they are ‘gone’, but their roots are still there. (kinda like my marriage. The obvious stuff is tidy, but underneath…..) Photos are before.

I had on a tank top, but since just a tank top makes him feel uncomfortable, I added a bra (I really hate those things!) and a short sleeved button up I removed when I was alone. He, himself, did not stick around the yard long. He went up to his mom’s to do some chores. He was also going to put gas in my car (I was grumpy. I had driven it on Friday and found it was almost empty. All weekend I’d been told he’d do it, but I’ll do it myself on Monday morning.) when he got back, but it was time for dinner. I got most of the stuff tidied up after that and went back outside. Except, I discovered my pond had melted more and at least one of the catfish had died. I could NOT sit and watch the sky knowing that white belly was viewable off to my left! So, I came inside, updated my laptop, and wrote out this bit.

PHEW!!!!!! Now, I am going to order some things off of Amazon. A book and maybe a skirt for me and a movie for him. Because he can’t seem to do it and I want to see it. (a Marvel one not on the shelf yet) I’ll leave you with this thought.

Name Games

Mawwidge is what bwings us togever…’ loosely quoted from ‘The Princess Bride‘. It brings families and often names under one roof. The wedding above was interesting. Strider was marrying his ‘soul mate’ (GOD, I hate that phrase!) and it was an obscure marriage. It was in the church he’d grown up in, because it was ‘free’. She had numerous friends on her side (one a man, she wanted–I think–to stir the strictly conservative guest list from his side), it was on Halloween, she almost called it the day of (because it wasn’t going to be how she wanted it. She wanted to just run off. I told her she could..just show up for the reception many of us had spent hours on! She rolled her eyes and went with it). Anyway, the oddest part of this wedding wasn’t the invitations (bottles of sand with a note inside. Expensive buggers!) or the real goldfish table decor. It was the closing. Even the minister (a sweet, gay love of a man who was good friends with our whole family–much to her surprise.), was a bit stymied. The church didn’t have a center aisle, so no one walked together. She wanted to keep her name, so at the end, they were announced ‘Strider’ and ‘Sprite’…not Mr. and Mrs. (Later The Prince–he’d been in many plays and was a prince in at least one– said, ‘Kris, I’m not sure how secure this knot is…..‘) Thankfully, she kept her name as the marriage lasted less than two years and it made it tons easier for her to stay herself. (NOTE: this is my point of view!!!)

I have a friend who has 3 daughters. All of them have the same middle name and one, when she was married, kept her maiden name. Her spouse changed his to hers! The Craftsman’s dad was an identical twin. Their names were also pretty similar. G. Rodney and J. Roderick (the letters were just letters…much to the chagrin of the Coast Guard in WW2) married at different times in their lives to women named Dorothy. They lived within 40 miles of each other. (talk about crazy confusing!!!!)

Names can be slightly ridiculous. One of my teacher friends in CA shudders at the start of the new year. He’s convinced he’s seen every way there is to use a ‘Y’ in a name! My niece’s have made up names and obscure middle ones. Many of us have read of celebrity names that are a bit bizarre. Or of those parents who choose difficult names like ‘Adolf Hitler’. One of the kids I went to college with had a longer name because (I think) he was allowed to choose it as a kid and added to what he originally wanted after he grew a bit. (Christopher Robin) Another friend was born near Christmas. So, since her last name was Day..yup. Mary Christmas Day. (we called her Chris)

I’m sure I could go on, but I won’t! A moniker is really only needed to organize us. (OK, that and a social security number!) If you want to change it, you can. If you want to keep it, you can. Thankfully, what we are called isn’t as important as who we are. You can be a blessing as anyone!

Thoughts and pictures

It’s been ages since I’ve wanted to say anything. I’ve been cooking, cleaning, and reading. Definitely boring! Im not trying hard enough to make The Craftsman the lodestar of my existence. (I’m not sure I want to.) I got more of my favorite flower for Valentine’s Day. I hadn’t purchased any for myself, the ones I’d gotten on my birthday still looked good. I’ll need to get more on March 1st. (I usually get out on Friday)

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Yet, much of my  month was waiting. I did make a snowman cuz we finally got snowman snow. Little Bear commented on it and asked if dad had helped. When I laughed and said no, he asked why. (The only persons to help me make snow people have been the boys. Little Bear last helped me a few years back) The Craftsman didn’t really say much in response.

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On the 28th, it was our 30th anniversary. He actually stayed home after dinner (I made something he liked.) He had gotten home a bit late because he stopped to get me something. It wasn’t what he wanted to get, but I’d mentioned I wanted to see it. (His gift was in the mail, it was delivered on Tuesday. I forgot about the bank holiday! It was a several CD version of The Screwtape Letters. He and the kid were very impressed. Little Bear mostly because the book has about 200 pages, double spaced…) Anyway, we watched ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. Absolute great fun, especially if you were an 80s teen! (I knew he’d not like it much and he didn’t. Because he doesn’t like that sort of thing. There was guy kissing ) Then, a good night kiss and that was that. Of course, I did bring up I thought using drugs in movies was worse than a normal thing like kisses. Bad, Kris. Ruined the nostalgic evening.

I even took a picture of waiting this week. He puts the tv on pause and does things that need done. I generally read or something. I get sort of bored, I need more to do. At least one choice I’ve made this month, has been to wear short skirts and leggings. He seems resigned to my decision. Probably cuz I don’t wear either of them alone.

We did go out for a combined birthday lunch at a family favorite restaurant. Little Bear had a gigantic hamburger with roast beef and bacon and ham. He called it a double beef, double pig..🙄🙄🙄

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As mentioned, I’ve been reading a lot. A great deal of Anne McCaffrey. I love her stuff. This particular book, I’ve had since before my name was changed the first time by my adoptive dad! Probably jr high. It’s been a favorite. 💕💕 Can you tell? It’s held together with clear vinyl!

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Today, Saturday, was sunny and almost 50F! I decided to go outside and sit. Needless to say, my butt got slightly soaked! The wet was rather chilly. 😳😳 I took the kris picture and noticed I look tired. More tired than I did when I was taking care of mom. Crazy! (Part of that maybe cuz the sun was in my eyes…)

I’m back to that having everything I need and not exactly what I want. Perhaps, it’s cuz I don’t know what I want. I do know, lately, curling up in a ball and hiding has been a choice I’ve regretfully avoided. Stupid circuitous living.

One thing I’ve learned for sure. Friendship is the most important part of being alive. No matter how long that friendship lasts on earth, it will never vanish completely. Friends change us, for better or worse and almost always for the best.

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