I’ve not wanted to write anything. I’m a tad depressed. Not cuz of the weather, which is boring (no snow, just wind and a smidge of rain and a bit of a chill). Not cuz of the doctors, exactly. I think it is more because I need to get off my lazy duff and take care of myself by myself. KK once told me eons back something I wrote down and keep next to my earring holder so I can see it every day. He said, ‘Always remember, Dear One, that no one will care about your daily and eventual health more than thou.’ I need to care.
This New Year, I’ve read several books and notes and what not with thoughts and theories relating to health and taking control. The universe is telling me to do it, heeding that call is more difficult than it appears. It is crazy. I want to be well and healthy (most humans do), yet to do it goes against the grain (bad pun!) of generations. I was reading in one book where humanity prefers the path of least resistance, they enjoy bad food for the moments of pleasure they gain. Ignoring the overall picture of fat and sloth. Eons past, white flour or refined sugars were considered food for the elite, so to go back to bread that resembles something one could get knocked out by is going backwards. I mentioned to The Craftsman that I would start using whole wheat and make sure there were the proper veggies around. He grimaced and suggested I not get carried away. (Personally, I am not sure I could stop baking. Baking and reading are two of my escapes.)
Yet, food is just a portion (another pun!) of the changes I need to make. Moving is so hard for me. Rhapsody mentioned in a recent blog that you just need to take one step at a time. Such an encouraging blogger! The author of Cauldrons and Cupcakes is another blogger I appreciate for her words of wisdom. (actually, all of the blogs I read encourage. I think I’m one of the whiners…Wine blogs are fascinating!)
I visited a doctor on Friday, last. I hurt so much, I can’t sleep or sit and walking is painful. He referred me to physical therapy. For my arm. Not for walking or my aching knee. When I visited the MS doctor, she was pleased with my tests, but also referred me to therapy. For what she anticipates might be arthritis. I’m thankful to learn the pain and memory lapses and balance issues aren’t from MS or diabetes, I don’t really think it is arthritis. Maybe the therapy can lead somewhere. The neurologist told me I did have lesions in my brain and my spine from MS However, they were all ‘teeny tiny’ and not elongated. (she was cute, probably my age, but not as dilapidated!) They seemed to be stable. I don’t think she had records from my last MRI in 2015, to get those I need to request them again. She was unhappy with the lab I visit. They didn’t send her the results and then they didn’t even get one of the tests she had ordered. (I’ve had trouble with them before. In fact, the last three doctor haven’t gotten the labs they requested! I know I gave the blood. I just wonder what they did with it. I’m reminded of a physician in AK who had clinics in other states. He was hoarding urine samples and charging Medicare a lot of money for bogus urology tests. I’m sure this is not the case, probably….) I see Dr. Z again in February for nerve testing. I’ve never had that before, it is supposed to be an hour and should be interesting. I may need to find a ride up. The Craftsman has taken two half days to drive me up and back (150 miles round trip) and I shouldn’t keep bugging him. The visits take ages, too.
We have been sleeping apart the last nights. It appears I snore now. He did say it was something he had never noticed before, but it is too disturbing. Since my arm and hips and legs ache and I have trouble sleeping anyway, I hang out elsewhere with Moses, which also helps! He is the breadwinner and it is his insurance and job that handles the medical bills, he needs to rest. I have noticed that I breathe better sitting upright and I can feel my throat close up when I crumple over in sleep. None of the physicians have noted anything off in my lungs and a hot shower as soon as I wake usually helps me get back on track. Mostly.
My left eye is always gummy and both of them are constantly weeping. I absolutely understand not wanting to be around me much. I’m a mess!!! (I wonder if I have another left tooth pulled, might that help my sinuses and eye…everything is connected. Losing one more wouldn’t really matter. Especially, if it made me feel better! One of my dearest friends had a bad tooth that she poured thousands of dollars into-at one point the dentist lost the tip of a drill inside it!- She eventually had it pulled and several health problems vanished!)
All in all, this is a very long silly post on health. Tomorrow we might get winter, which would be lovely. I told The Craftsman I wanted to get some big tumbleweeds and spray paint them white and make a ‘snowman’. He liked the idea, but said he’d not like me to collect weeds in any of the vehicles I regularly drive! I reckon I should wait for actual snow to craft with. It is tidier!