The Day after Easter

woman working girl sitting

Photo by Alexander Dummer on

I’m so tired of being tired and confused. I’m tired of starting a day on the up and then after a couple of hours, feeling crappy. I’ve had others tell me they have confusion because they don’t know what day it is..or what they are doing. My days are pretty much exactly as they always have been. I live online, read, cook, clean, see my guys briefly in 24  hours (usually at dinner), and go outside now and again. But, I have been making mistakes in so many areas. Generally culinary, since I do a lot more of that than other things!

Saturday I made pies. Little Bear suggested punkin and Strider said that was sacrilegious to have punkin pie in spring. I made them anyway! I carefully measured ingredients for the crust and combined them and then thought…’that looks like one crust.’ Yup, I mixed ingredients for two crusts, except when adding flour. Instead of tossing out that ‘batch’, I added more flour after it was already mixed. BAD idea. Then, I didn’t realise that a can of punkin (I usually only make one pie at a time) that said it made two pies, makes them thin. So annoyed!!! The dinner I made was entertaining. I have made bacon turtles, but thought I would try lizards to eat in hoagie buns. Those worked, mostly. I’ll definitely do the process much differently next time!! The appendages were difficult to keep attached and cooked much faster than the rest. A friend told me it looked like a lot of work for a fancy hot dog. (I was not impressed, as I knew it was critical and not poking fun!) I was also going to make a cheese spread, but only after unwrapping the warmed cream cheese did I discover I didn’t have an important ingredient. All in all, I was tired and frustrated.


Sunday, I woke up late and the pancakes I made for the guys didn’t exactly turn out as intended. They tasted ok, probably the final test! I dipped strawberries in chocolate and learned those are a lot of work! (Little Bear said they need eaten over a plate!) The ham I attempted cooking took WAY longer than anticipated and had more fat and bone than meat. The muffins I made looked more like a drop biscuit in a muffin pan (those were VERY good). The taters were stellar (cut into pieces, mixed with olive oil, baked with Mrs. Dash).


Little Bear caught a rabbit that has been up at Grandma’s for the last year (we wonder if it was an Easter pet tossed out after it got too big). Jake identified it as a Chinchilla rabbit, useful for fur and meat. Little Bear is seriously thinking of raising some, although he needs more than one! We’ll see what happens.

My lasagna gardens have been blooming with daffs, tulips, hyacinth, and a tiny blue flower I have no idea yet what they are. Those ones have color, but in the yard, most of the blossoms now are in shades of white. In the ‘vase’  photo, the white fluffy looking daffs are called White Lion, the yellow are either Golden Ducat or Double Smiles. (I like the latter name!)

I’m making mistakes in typing, so am going to sign off for now. Have a splendid Tuesday and know you are brightening up at least one life here in Eastern Oregon!

Sick or just annoyed?

I’m lumping all into one, but at this moment in time, I’m appalled with the people called American. I’m a conservative social media user and am curbing my forays into FB. If I was a drinking sort, this would drive me further along the beverage cart. The people I know are burying heads in sand and not seeing the overall picture and the only thing to do is watch. As Strider said, the world is burning and we’ve got a front row seat. Grab the popcorn, it is a once in a lifetime show.

The other day on FB, I posted how I was thankful my tests came back negative. But I wonder if the 43 people who liked it realized it was for basic health tests and not the dreaded virus. (I finally deleted the post since I was tired of so many people being grateful with me.) One of my best friends since college is living in China and shares her story of quarantine. I have ‘friends’ here in my town who are already wearing out on their Day 4 of quarantine. (These guys have NOT A CLUE what a real quarantine is like.) Another very good friend here in town was angry because they had packed the car and were ready to leave for a beach vacation on Monday when they got notice the beaches were being closed. (they’d planned on this vacation since Christmas and were certain they would be the exception to the closures) I used to live in the town they were headed for and those folks were scared. (That town has two locations to shop and the only hospital for at least an hour in 3 directions.) BUT, people want what they want now.

I look at how virus testing is limited, how many older folks who might be vulnerable are confused about conflicting stories this ‘new’ disease, and how it is ok for us/them to lose  lives for the good of the nation. All people testing isn’t necessary, most  who get this survive. How 3% or even 4 isn’t that big of a deal. I’m not a math person, but I looked up a few numbers. The US, at the moment of the last census, has 327 million people living here. 4% of that number, according to Google, is 13,088,000. In WW2 405,000 Americans lost their lives. This is crazy to imagine that it is ‘ok’ to lose 4% of our nation. We celebrate our Vets all the time, yet now we are looking at throwing more than that away? When I read and share the WHO information, I’m considered uninformed. Staying in and washing hands will make this all go away.  I shared with Little Bear a skittles meme. If you were given a bowl of skittles and three would kill you, would you eat them? He said that didn’t work because these skittles are invisible and you don’t know you have eaten them or where you got them til days or weeks later!

I hear stories of people of all ages, especially younger ones, have been exposed and gotten sick and yet, were only tested because they asked for it. One young man was tested, but his girlfriend was told to just stay home and get well if she thought she had it. (she had similar symptoms to her BF, but it was decided she wasn’t sick enough for testing!!) A Fed Ex driver Little Bear talked to was sure he had it, but couldn’t take off that much time or he’d lose his job and is concerned he exposed hundreds of people (I sort of get this, sanitizing as you get in and out of a truck and juggle packages is probably not that easy!). He was told he didn’t need testing. Only really ill people get tested, the rest of us just ‘hunker down’ and wait for it to blow over. Because isolating will flatten the curve of the disease and we’ll get back to normal. My friend in China has been in quarantine for 46 days and they are doing all kinds of things to make sure this virus doesn’t get back in. Testing for anyone who gets off public transportation, fever checks at all times, and yes the US wouldn’t go for that because I can take my own temps when I want to. I can absolutely see where a stricter country would have benefits now, not that I’d want to live in one!

Our nation is so freaking scared of the president they won’t do a damn thing to stand up and admit he’s a megalomaniac ass. The few who have will probably get some sort of punishment. That is the beauty of this man. He plays and watches and when he finds the chips in his favor, he snatches. If the chips are off, he’ll wait and push the blame elsewhere. (It is China’s fault or Obama’s fault) Dumping cash into the economy when there isn’t much to back it is beyond ridiculous! We need to take care of the people and not the economy right now. (Economy has always run the world, it is not anything new, history shows this, but it is sad) I believe there is a video on youtube about substituting this president for any other president who served in a war situation and I can’t imagine what this person would have done in WW! Or 2. (Strider was telling me about it) But, I digress.

I cannot mention anything like this on FB or I’ll get called on my illogical or wrong interpretations. I had one of my better friends cut me off in a message conversation because he was telling me about his ammo he’ll use to defend himself. If he needs it. I said that was silly and he dropped me like a hot pan. Idiots. If anyone comes into this house to get something, well, if I’m the only one here, they are welcome to it. My faith may not be as strict as others, but I do know I have a life after this one elsewhere. I’m not going to be like some of the Christians I know who say ‘if I die, I die.’ I will do my damnedest to stay on this side of the rainbow bridge (why are pets the only ones who cross that???), but if it happens, I’m ok. I’d prefer to get the house up north sold and the stuff sorted, but that might all end up being moot anyway!

This is super long. I’m sorry. I should just save it to my journal, but I’m not. I can chat with Strider, but most of the rest of my family are on the fence about the virus and completely in favor of cash saving our economy. America, you have made me ill.

Adding a trio of turtles and flowers from the yard to brighten your day! (NOTE: my sister didn’t believe the turtles were mine. She thought I had taken the photo from somewhere else…because ‘those are so cute!’ Sheesh.)



I can’t say anything on FB, I just won’t. There are too many people there! However, I am a tad disgruntled. After sharing the post about the Coronavirus earlier, I am really hoping for common sense to prevail. Germination is apparent from the yard to our human bodies in many places. (photos from free photos on WP)

It turns out an active member in our church was in contact with the person who is now in a local hospital.. she was just taken to the hospital with breathing problems Tuesday night. The pastor of our church took her in after already being in contact with her. Her family was here just a few days ago and are now scattered in different parts of the state. The nearby casino with the infected employee has cancelled everything from movies to gambling to buffets to their extensive hotel. Here in town, luncheons and gatherings have been either cancelled or moved to other times. Yet, the Oregon State Basketball tournament for this division, taking place less than 20 miles from the casino, is still being held.

Stores are being emptied of certain items and we JUST got over the city water issue. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before…Due to the flooding in this area, the town ended up with bacteria in the water supply. The city hall office put notices up everywhere for people to use bottled water or to boil before using. Then, they had to call a much used store to stop selling fountain sodas. As the Craftsman said, ‘There is no law against stupidity.” That lasted more than a week. It ended last Friday, when the city had their banquet to bestow honors on citizens of the year, which was very well attended. The person who was brought in this evening had a huge surprise birthday party for a friend on Feb 23. Dozens of us went.

I imagine the PNW area is going to explode with new growth….and with the advent of spring, coffing with be rampant. Allergies and tiny bugs all enjoying new habitats. I’m still of the mind to stay inside this fenced yard and house walls!


While Waiting

With 18 calls ahead of me while I wait to figure out what to do with mum’s PFD, I decided to do a spot of blog writing….or I could write in my laptop journal. (I’ve not written in either in ages!) A PFD is a check from the state of Alaska, they are funds sent out each year to eligible Alaskans. Since mom died at the end of 2018, she was still eligible to receive the monies if I sent in the proper documentation. So, I did. The state kindly sent a check to the Oregon address. To my mother. Which, when I took it to the bank, they would not cash for me cuz it was in mom’s name. Today I’m waiting to chat to someone to see if it can be reissued to the estate instead of mom, especially since she’s going to have a very difficult time signing and cashing this thing!

This entire week has been frustrating. I had a blood draw last Saturday, fully expecting the lab results to be sent to three different offices. When I arrived at the first office on Wednesday, they had not gotten them yet. The next day, at the second office, it was found they had not received results yet, either. When I got back to the house, I contacted the lab myself and found that they hadn’t gotten the faxes for certain tests to be done! So, the lovely lady (who was determined to figure out what the scoop was and, oddly, called herself Sherlock Holmes—I am reading some Sherlock stories!!!) discovered that since they lab query was not on file with them anywhere (the doctor office did send them!), we had another option. I do not want to have more blood taken, but it appears that ‘lavender’ vials are kept in storage for a week. Since an A1C is from a lavender tube, if my doctor office called and talked to Sherlock personally, they could do the test. Now an A1C test can be done with a simple finger stick. Which was done in the endocrinology office twice! The first time it came up blank, the second time it read an error! So, the nurse opted to have me come in next week for a draw. (I’d much prefer the blood storage choice!)

Well, I just got off the phone with a couple of very helpful men in Alaska. The checks are always sent to the address of the executor and written to the individual. The banker I spoke to is one who knows me very well and has helped me with much of mom’s stuff. He was surprised we’d need the estate account, but he recalled I did have the information in order if I do need to set it up. Or, he said, I could just get back north in April before the check is ‘out of date’ and cash it then! I laughed. I’ll visit the bank here before my 3 hours of MRI on Tuesday and see what happens.

I did purchase some bulbs this week. I wanted a bag of hope (bulbs are hope, they look dead and bloom later!). However, I think I may need The Craftsman to cut a box in half for me to plant them. I have an old bottomless apple box I’d put bulbs in previously. Unfortunately, those boxes need a LOT of dirt to fill them enough. So, if it was cut in half it would be practically perfect. I may need to lasagna plant before the box gets done. (Lasagna planting is a simple way to plant gardens. Most of my tubs or boxes are planted in this fashion. Mum got me a book on this ages ago and most of it is pretty logical. Some doesn’t work in EO, but a lot of things pertaining to gardens elsewhere doesn’t work here!) I really want to put these bulbs in soil. I can always add a box later. I am going to see if I can get a screen to put down under the layers in order to keep out the rodents who adore tulips. The bulbs I bought are daffs and something else, but hoping I get tulips for a stocking stuffer at Christmas! (speaking of lasagna and plants, GH has a great recycle for her chopsticks and her dollar house plant!)

Other than that, not much going on in this sector. I’ve been light headed and dizzy off and on. Hoping the MRI will show something during my January follow up. I did learn that my platelets were low, but the doctor who noted it had me contact my primary since specialist doctors are not supposed to take care of things outside their specialty. (this doctor is sweet, she has noted many things I’ve passed on to a primary, who didn’t notice anything!) My iPad is being annoying and running out of juice super-fast. I’ve deleted and turned off apps and done everything except set it back to absolutely clean and start it anew. As the site where I found this information said, that route is a pain in the apps, but sometimes it is the only one that works! Lol (At least I’d be able to rise fast in the few games I play!!) So, even though I have several new books I’ve downloaded, I finally went to the library and got 3 to keep me a few days!!

change close up color dried leaves

Photo by Harshit Tiwari on

It’s a hard thing to risk what you know and are sure of, just for the possibility of something better. Even when it’s a pretty strong possibility, and something that’s a whole lot better.” Patricia Wrede

A Little Bit Low

Tonight I’m feeling a little bit low. I know in the end, everything will be ok. Yet, at the moment, I’m sad. And angry. This time last year, mum was dying. My aunt and cousin had finally decided to come up and see her and were on the way. I had no idea how much sorrow for myself I’d have towards mom a year later. She has taken so much from me. It was my choice to let her, so I really shouldn’t be mad at her.

Today was rainy. The house is so chilly, but I choose to keep the heat down as much as possible cuz of cost. I have so much to do and will be gone in less than 20 days. I’ve only seen my sister twice, that I can recall, since the 30th of August. Once to pick up tables we’d used in the sale (I had cleared them off and folded them up) and once to hand over her half of the money we’d made. We were going to take mum’s ashes down to Homer sometime this week. Jake already told me that the 24th wouldn’t work, her family has things going on. She mentioned Sunday might be a good day (she calls once in a while or texts or sends me a comment on FB), but I’ve not had that verified. I scratched my eyeball when my alarm went off this morning and I reached over to turn it off (that REALLY hurts!). There was a slim chance I’d see a good friend today and didn’t (although, that isn’t something to be sad about. Good things are happening in that life and the roller coaster is on a smooth spot!). I want to take photos of mom’s ashes in the lake and it cleared up this afternoon and was lovely, but I’m alone and can’t spread and shoot at the same time (OK…that just sounds wrong!!!). I haven’t spoken to The Craftsman in a couple of days. He called tonight, just a little over 10 minutes. I got a few texts from the Jukebox guy, but not one concerning when he’d come down and get the boxes. Last Sunday (was it just a week ago???) I was hoping to attend a program and didn’t get there. I was invited to go to another presentation the last weekend I’m in AK. But, I’m afraid to. Because of mom.

You see, Mum was secretary of the local Historical Society for years and years. I’ve been trying to return things I’ve found relating to the society. I keep finding checks and letters and notes and documents and notebooks and all kinds of things. The last time I tried to take some back, I was told no. I threw the stuff away. I’m not even spending money to shred it anymore. Tonight, I found MORE documents and checks and an unopened Alaskan flag. (I have one, so I don’t need another) The presentation I’m invited to is for the local Historical Society. I’m so nervous they’ll realise who I am. Mum dropped the ball and this is one I cannot pick up for her very easily. If I go, I’ll sit as far away from the speakers as possible and ask the person who invited me to not introduce me. (I laughed when she sent an email invitation. She said, it would be fun and ‘your mom did so much for the Historical Society.’) Unfortunately, I look a great deal like her. (odd note: I had people ask if Jake and I were twins at the estate sale!!!!!!) They also have a potluck lunch that I will also avoid if I go.

I’m either waiting or busy doing stuff I don’t want to do or wanting to cry. And the tears are hurting the scratched eye!

Gracious! What a terribly whiny post! (Actually, I think I need one of those for my Oregon yard. A sturdy post with holes in it to hold empty wine bottles..that I’ll get from somewhere!) I’d better share something cheerful.




As large as…

I went to the doctor today and discovered not eating anything (or much at all) from 730 pm to noon hasn’t done much at all for my physical appearance. It turns out I weigh a bit more than a Javan pig and a bit less than a Short beaked saddle back dolphin. So, in spite of the size of the images, I’m going to go with the dolphin!

However, I was sad. I’m pretty sure my MS is not helping. I may not consume as many carbs in the night or morning, but I probably ingest too many in the rest of the hours, not to mention it hurts so damn much to move. There are days I spend a couple of hours outside and end up almost in tears. When I am on the bed, I come close to crying. It hurts so very much to be flat. My legs from my waist down will go to sleep and lately even my arms are starting to tingle and go slightly numb. (I felt better with the memory foam mattress form, but since The Craftsman felt worse, it is up for sale.) I am also going to start taking the Vitamin D in the high doses again. I’ve been taking it since about 2011 and stopped just after Christmas. (when I started feeling 100% worse!)

It is funny, though. Monday I sent a box to Strider and the gal at the post mentioned how she and her sisters were discussing that Little Bear needs a girl. I later told The Craftsman and tried to tell him who the gal at the post was. He then said, ‘Oh, yes. She’s a sister to the two girls who run the Sugar Shack. She doesn’t look anything like them, though. She’s heavyset.’ I was stunned. She is NOT heavyset and said so. He amended his phrase with ‘Big boned.’ I was so mad. I’m bigger than she is and said so, he denied my observation. Yet, when was the last time he actually looked at me? It’s been years since he’s seen my unclothed. I’m not even sure he’s seen me in less than a tank top and panties. Ridiculous.

I reckon I’m just a dolphin in a singular pod! Or just a big girl hanging out in a garden!!!

Catch Up

Ketchup is my son’s favorite condiment. Catch up is what I do when I put things off. So, in a nutshell.

Tuesday we went to see the newest Marvel movie. Honestly? It was only marginally good. In fact, if you miss the first hour for some reason, you won’t miss much of the story. There really wasn’t a plot, it was sketchy in many places, and the main character had about as much personality as a block of tofu. I fidgeted thru much of the first part and both Little Bear and The Craftsman (I was between them) asked if my blood was low! I kept hoping The Craftsman would hold my hand, but that didn’t happen til almost the end of the movie, for about 15 min. Later, I asked if maybe I had upset him (I really am a very bad movie goer.) I was too audible in many spots and I think I laughed way too hard when a few lyrics were sung near the end while the two main persons were doing dishes. (yeah, trying to not spoil anything good.) I think I was also one of the few in the theater who actually knew the song! Anyway, he seemed surprised. I said I liked it when he held my hand. He hugged me and then said, ‘The movie wasn’t bad.’ I felt a bit derailed. I let it go.

When the weekend arrived, I was pretty busy. On Saturday, I made cupcakes for church on Sunday (that was a mess!!! Piping icing needs to be HARD!) Soon after, I went to a wedding shower. This really deserves a post by itself because it was funny. I’ll sum up.

Photo by Pixabay on

I went with someone. (If I hadn’t been picked up, I’d probably not gone. I was feeling puny.) I’m glad I went. In spite of FB, I had no idea the bride to be had moved across the state. I also didn’t know her sister had moved to a totally different state with her older sister! Her older sister remembered a gift I’d given her for her wedding. (I was slightly mortified when she told me!) When I was married, many completely lovely and gifts of fru fru were given me.  One was a beautiful lily trivet. I used trivets, but this one had not been put into service yet. So, I decided to regift it. Unfortunately, I forgot something. Yup, under the gift in the box was a card to the newly married couple of my spouse and myself!!!!!! She thought it was funny and never forgot it. (stuff of memories) I gave the younger sister a gift card because I couldn’t make anything (I wasn’t told of this shower til two weeks before and wasn’t sure I wanted to go, even though I did) with short notice and not a single working glue stick and dust over everything in my craft room! Inside the card, I wrote a novel (we both love to read). Unfortunately, I forgot she’d been homeschooled and could not read or write cursive well at all. Her older sister said she’d read it to her later.

That evening, I decorated the cupcakes (see above note) and I think we watched Marvel’s ‘Winter Soldier’. I’ve been told there are no strong female super heroes. Obviously, the reviewers forgot about Black Widow. She is phenomenal. Although, she’s a whore and even mentioning that makes people freak out. Carol Danvers probably hadn’t kissed a man in decades, if ever, and was entirely too invincible. Another strong Marvel female was Peggy. I absolutely loved her and that series and was so darn mad when they terminated it after her character died in a major movie. Just cuz someone is dead doesn’t mean they don’t have a story!!

Sunday morning, my glucose was terrible. I was disgusted. It completely knocked me down for the morning. I managed to get a lot done, but I felt horrible. One of the things I did was put corned beef in the crock pot with basic veggies. Now, some might think this odd, but I’ve never made the stuff. Dad used to like it with the cabbage, I did not. So, this was an experimental meal. (note: it was well received!) After church, I went outside for a bit. It was so pretty and I wanted sunshine. Except, when I sat on my garden bench, all I could see were things that needed done. So, I went back inside, changed my clothes, mentioned to The Craftsman (he was watching TV, covered by cats) that I might need some help, and sailed into the weeding. Eventually, I went back in to get birdseed and said I was going to get a larger container for the debris. I was about done when he arrived outside, followed by cats. I had wanted some sturdy young trees pulled out (they multiplied like weeds while I wasn’t there to keep them under control). He used a very impressive looking set of clippers to remove them. Granted, they are ‘gone’, but their roots are still there. (kinda like my marriage. The obvious stuff is tidy, but underneath…..) Photos are before.

I had on a tank top, but since just a tank top makes him feel uncomfortable, I added a bra (I really hate those things!) and a short sleeved button up I removed when I was alone. He, himself, did not stick around the yard long. He went up to his mom’s to do some chores. He was also going to put gas in my car (I was grumpy. I had driven it on Friday and found it was almost empty. All weekend I’d been told he’d do it, but I’ll do it myself on Monday morning.) when he got back, but it was time for dinner. I got most of the stuff tidied up after that and went back outside. Except, I discovered my pond had melted more and at least one of the catfish had died. I could NOT sit and watch the sky knowing that white belly was viewable off to my left! So, I came inside, updated my laptop, and wrote out this bit.

PHEW!!!!!! Now, I am going to order some things off of Amazon. A book and maybe a skirt for me and a movie for him. Because he can’t seem to do it and I want to see it. (a Marvel one not on the shelf yet) I’ll leave you with this thought.

Thoughts and pictures

It’s been ages since I’ve wanted to say anything. I’ve been cooking, cleaning, and reading. Definitely boring! Im not trying hard enough to make The Craftsman the lodestar of my existence. (I’m not sure I want to.) I got more of my favorite flower for Valentine’s Day. I hadn’t purchased any for myself, the ones I’d gotten on my birthday still looked good. I’ll need to get more on March 1st. (I usually get out on Friday)


Yet, much of my  month was waiting. I did make a snowman cuz we finally got snowman snow. Little Bear commented on it and asked if dad had helped. When I laughed and said no, he asked why. (The only persons to help me make snow people have been the boys. Little Bear last helped me a few years back) The Craftsman didn’t really say much in response.


On the 28th, it was our 30th anniversary. He actually stayed home after dinner (I made something he liked.) He had gotten home a bit late because he stopped to get me something. It wasn’t what he wanted to get, but I’d mentioned I wanted to see it. (His gift was in the mail, it was delivered on Tuesday. I forgot about the bank holiday! It was a several CD version of The Screwtape Letters. He and the kid were very impressed. Little Bear mostly because the book has about 200 pages, double spaced…) Anyway, we watched ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. Absolute great fun, especially if you were an 80s teen! (I knew he’d not like it much and he didn’t. Because he doesn’t like that sort of thing. There was guy kissing ) Then, a good night kiss and that was that. Of course, I did bring up I thought using drugs in movies was worse than a normal thing like kisses. Bad, Kris. Ruined the nostalgic evening.

I even took a picture of waiting this week. He puts the tv on pause and does things that need done. I generally read or something. I get sort of bored, I need more to do. At least one choice I’ve made this month, has been to wear short skirts and leggings. He seems resigned to my decision. Probably cuz I don’t wear either of them alone.

We did go out for a combined birthday lunch at a family favorite restaurant. Little Bear had a gigantic hamburger with roast beef and bacon and ham. He called it a double beef, double pig..🙄🙄🙄



As mentioned, I’ve been reading a lot. A great deal of Anne McCaffrey. I love her stuff. This particular book, I’ve had since before my name was changed the first time by my adoptive dad! Probably jr high. It’s been a favorite. 💕💕 Can you tell? It’s held together with clear vinyl!


Today, Saturday, was sunny and almost 50F! I decided to go outside and sit. Needless to say, my butt got slightly soaked! The wet was rather chilly. 😳😳 I took the kris picture and noticed I look tired. More tired than I did when I was taking care of mom. Crazy! (Part of that maybe cuz the sun was in my eyes…)

I’m back to that having everything I need and not exactly what I want. Perhaps, it’s cuz I don’t know what I want. I do know, lately, curling up in a ball and hiding has been a choice I’ve regretfully avoided. Stupid circuitous living.

One thing I’ve learned for sure. Friendship is the most important part of being alive. No matter how long that friendship lasts on earth, it will never vanish completely. Friends change us, for better or worse and almost always for the best.


Drink up.

I know it’s just feelings and feelings aren’t a true barometer of what is real, but I’m frustrated. Yes, I feel like crappachino and need to venti. Ouch, it seems to be a tall drink!

aroma bean beverage black coffee

Photo by Burst on

One of my best friends in the world says I’m a bit of a drama queen. I’m sure he’s right. Another good friend has said I should not look at what I want and focus on what is done and be thankful. I look at little things and make them big. So, being about to cry is my own choice. Thankfully, my eyes are still watering profusely and that’s a good way to disguise minute moments of tears.

I haven’t chosen to let go of mom yet. It’s not that I’ve not had time, I’m constantly alone. I can do whatever I want when I am alone, besides the things I need to do! I’ve been told it’s been long enough and it’s not like anyone here really knew her. Even my family didn’t.

I got a call today for her. It appears one of mom’s doctors was owed money and they wanted to speak to her. I thought for sure I’d contacted them after mums death, I guess not. Anyway, they’d not sent a bill cuz it was under $10, but she was calling to tell mom about it. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 I asked her to send it and I’d take care of it.

I had dinner ready at six pm, I almost always do. Little Bear called his dad on the phone to ask him to come home for dinner. I figured The Craftsman would arrive eventually. Then, after dinner, I mentioned I thought maybe my glucose had dropped. He agreed, saying he’d lived with me for 38 years and knew the signs. I’m sure he didn’t suggest fruit or something like that cuz we’d we had been eating dinner. So, I was acting “off” and they were just letting me. (He also didn’t count the last two years of our marriage cuz we’d not lived together for them..although, I did find out he counted me on taxes.) Often, at dinner, I can find something amusing. .its a game to discover fun in the one conversation I listen to each day and may even be a part of. Not tonight. (I was proud of myself. I didn’t apologize for dinner. It wasn’t exactly what I’d envisioned, but it wasn’t bad. I won’t make it again, though.)

After dinner, I was frustrated with how the dishes were being loaded. I do a majority of the chores and have figured out the most efficient ways to do them. I’ve probably got bubbles in my brain. The Craftsman didn’t see anything wrong. I let it go. It really isn’t important. Besides, I needed to get my glucose up.

I ate my low carb ice cream at the table, he had punkin pie in the living room. Now, I’m writing in the kitchen. He’s still in the living room.

This morning , I woke up alone, he’d awakened earlier and wanted more sleep, so he went elsewhere. I’ve received at least three nice hugs and a couple of kisses today. He called this afternoon from the store to verify what I needed and had forgotten while shopping on Friday. He was busy doing projects all day because it was fairly dry and sunny. We have spent a lot of time together this week, I shouldn’t want more. On Friday, I called to tell him I was in town. He was glad and we had lunch together in a local fast food spot. He did say it cost as much per person as the birthday one we had with the kid on Sunday.(It was my choice to feel guilty about that comment). We didn’t talk much, I tried and was silly. I brought up something controversial. Absolutely cutting any sort of communication off at the very beginning. It may have related to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’

I’ve not been happy since my return. Little Bear thinks I’m crazy to miss Alaska so much. Because Home should be with my family. A place isn’t as important as those who love me. I guess I need to grow up and know love is whatever I’m given. At least my last weeks in Alaska, I didn’t have to pretend very often.

Que, sera, sera.

Love, The Boston Fern, who really doesn’t like coffee..except when kissing!