September’s Arrival

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It is now September 2. The official sale of mum’s household SABLE is done. (I now need only $500 to get the pipes dug up!) I’m actually sitting in the dining room surrounded by items and waiting for someone who had contacted me on FB about something she wanted. I’m also sad because a few items I’d set aside or marked sold for people are now available again. Seriously. When you live in AK and can find something at a sale for a quarter of the online retail price, why quibble that it is $12 dollars? The lake is super calm today and I’m watching a lone golden eye duck ‘bloop’ around on the skin of our tiny water. It swims a bit, dives, pops back up, swims, dives, and repeats the process. Each time I try to take a photo, he ‘bloops’. (that is the sound the water makes as they dive) OH! There are two ducks! Twice as difficult to photograph. (Insert eye roll as I’m on my laptop and not the iPad!)

I had one person, if I had known how rude they’d been to my sister and a couple of others outside, I’d have charged them a bit more when I met them inside! They wanted lighthouses. The main woman was angry cuz we’d not answered her as to where the sale was (I had posted it, but not in a photo and it wasn’t an ‘event’) and my signage wasn’t as good as it should have been and she hoped there were some lighthouses left because she really wanted them. She did take quite a few. I was thankful, however, a friend of a friend took some of the really neat things (that friend was nicer all around!). After the grumpy woman left, I put out several more, plus a game that had been in a cabinet. There was another woman, who runs a shop in town. She was so respectful! She took much more than she paid, but it was ok. She went through the bell cabinet and set aside things with the words: ‘you need to look at this or keep this’. Much of the fancies in the cabinet we’d never really looked at. It was a stuffed locked glass cabinet full of glass! There are a great many good people in this world, I’m glad they help balance the dingbats. UPDATE on dingbats: In an estate sale, people look at things. They open boxes and remove the contents. But I wish they also could put them back the way they found them!! So rude. Leave no trace isn’t something most people have been taught. In the woods, in a house, or a store this is a good rule of thumb. (Thieves could leave fingerprints!!)

Since I’m just waiting today, I was hoping to get caught up on blogging. My blogging email address has over 100 unread email notifications! I know GH is out of the hospital (or was last I really read.).  Dewy is getting things more sorted in her new abode. Gary cooked something incredibly delicious looking awhile back-as usual! Jack is continuing to share profound thoughts. Rhapsody is always enlightening and generally writes what I need exactly as I need it. Ms. Monster texted she’ll take out someone for me, of needed—gigglesnorting still! Podman and Chirp are always a joy to hear from—they have a herd of grands staying with them! And I noticed a few others are back from a break. (I also discovered advertisements on WP are annoying!! I’m glad followers are able to skip around those to see my own pictures and words!!!!!)

This is an odd month for me. It is also another busy one. Many people use the next weeks to drive out of the state before snow settles. Migration and change is evident all around. (Very cool! Now there are three teen mallards swimming around! I captured them lifting off the other day.) Most of these pictures were from the last week or so-before mum’s stuff was partially sold.

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Earlier last week I spied a snipe and photographed it bathing. (yes, I’m a voyeur and they are a real creature!)

Haven’t seen the bigger moose lately, I do know the young one has a dangling antler piece from an encounter of some kind. (I bet it hurts!) I did get to see a youngling and its mom.

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This was RIGHT next to the house (see corner in photo). I was standing in the open doorway. 

It is a bittersweet time of year, yet…fall is a promise of a time of rest before starting new all over again. Good season. (makes sense to find a heart apple fritter this time of year!!)

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Birdies

Lazuli Bunting

Little Bear called me from his Grandma’s to tell me there was a bird in the yard with a bright blue head. I had an idea of what it might be, but wanted photographic proof. I drove the camera up and left him. He eventually caught this male bunting. I’ve only seen one of these before, on the Oregon Coast. Little Bear said there were three. The females are, typically, boring and I’m pretty sure we’ll not find those. However, knowing there were three males, I’m hoping for a bunting boom!!!

Once more, Little Bear was outside doing something and spied a ‘different’ sort of hummingbird. I was almost positive I knew what it was, but as before, photos are best. So, the kid sat outside with my camera. The first one is a Roufus male. Feisty little guys. The second photo is North America’s smallest hummer, a Calliope. It was exciting to see one of these around. I’d love to visit Arizona some summer and see all of the hummingbirds they have!

It is almost time for these birds to start nesting again. I honestly do not know how they manage to raise their babies! These nests are in depressions on the ground and they can be anywhere. When Little Bear found this one, he almost stepped in it! He’d heard the parent and it was doing the wounded wing thing, but he wasn’t sure where the young were. Still in eggs, it turns out! These are killdeer and at first the sounds they made were neat. Now, they are annoying, you hear them all the time!! The cool thing about the babies is that as soon as they break shell, they know how to run! Nature has so many babies who do amazing things as soon as they are born.

I must be off to do chores, so I’ll catch you again soon!!!

For the Birds!-Cat Nips

“The noisy jay swoops by and reviles me, he complains of my meow and my malingering.” Henry N. Beard

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I stopped to speak to a friend and found this stunning cat staring at the birds in a nearby yard. I poised my phone to take his photo and wasn’t able to capture it. I then realised I’d caught the attention of the owner of the house! So, being a cat person and a bird person, I went to speak to her. It wasn’t her cat, but she’d been feeding the birds and the youngster had been coming over from next door to check things out. While we were talking the cat jumped into the tree and poised perfectly. The beautiful two legger removed the gorgeous furbaby from the limb and held it gently until the owner’s daughter came to retrieve it. We were both a bit surprised, the daughter had an enormous dog and the cat was NOT impressed with the dog. He scratched the woman’s neck! The girl soon came back sans dog and took the feline. Crazy quick cat experience and the gaining of a new acquaintance! (The cat is named Klaus, from Vampire Diaries)

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Piffle!!!!!

I’ve been fairly good with my not food carb intake this week. I was not going to get any ice cream and then I got a phone call. But, I started in the middle. This isn’t an Oreo, I need to start at the beginning! (they make a lot of Oreos now, I think my all time favorite is Golden followed by the mint ones….)

Mom’s nurse came to visit early this morning and mom was having one of her better days. The nurse reminded her to not do things that might put her in danger. She also reminded mom to take her pain meds on time and not let them slide.

After she left, I called Sir Wrench. He suggested he’d call me later, if he was caught up. (he didn’t call.) While waiting, I napped and dinked around. Suddenly mom yelled at me that a bird was eating a duck on the pallets down by the kayak. (YIKES!) I ran upstairs with camera and binoculars and sure enough. A large grey bird with a freaking long tail was plucking a full grown duck while being watched by a great many ducks out on the lake. I took one bad photo from inside the house and noticed the duck moving. It was alive! (or I thought it might be) I knew the full grown duck was probably a mom and ducklings need moms to keep them safe, so I dashed out to see if I could scare the bird. I did. It calmly lifted the duck like it was nothing larger than a mouse and sailed off. The ducks on the lake scattered and all that was left were a bazillion feathers. I tried to identify it and think it may have been a goshawk. Unfortunately, most bird books show the underneath of the birds and we were looking down at it from the house. I wish I’d taken a better photo, but I was hell bent on saving a mommy!

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I finally left for town and didn’t get to house elf. I didn’t get the test strips I needed to get for mom (due to the fishing, much merchandise has flown off the store shelves!), I did get mine. I also found the past staring at me. I was walking past the clothing racks and a purple shirt jumped out at me. (it did!!! Purple does that!) I looked at the top and almost started laughing. Mom used to make shirts similar to that one when I was in Jr. High. They were called Angel Sleeve tops. This one seemed my size and was only $3, so I bought it. Mom thought it was hilarious. (It does fit, a trifle snug, but not bad. I am so going to look further into the Keto diet Julie has been using once I get back to my own kitchen and doctors! In retrospect…oh PUN!!! The snug fit might be cuz of the elastic around the bodice. Maybe I can get away without a bra with this one, too!)

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I was in line at the store and the gal in front of me was a tad flustered. It turned out the person in the other lane was the Captain of The Time Bandit (everyone comes to our town to fish), I snapped his photo when he wasn’t looking when I was getting in my car. Over at Home Depot (I needed to get some suet) I parked next to another Time Bandit rig. I loved the hood ornament and since the lady inside was sleeping, I took a picture of that, too!

While at the first store, I noticed I’d gotten a call and it wasn’t a number in my phone. I get many of those related to mom and listened to the message. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I called number. I expected this to happen, but it made me sad. After the nurse’s visit this morning and the stats mom’s got, it was decided to drop her from the Home Health roster. So, it is back on my shoulders exclusively again. At least until mom gets worse, which could be years. I’m glad she’s so healthy, but I wish it was enough so I could leave her alone and not worry.

I picked up meds for her and a few groceries and ice cream for me. (I wish I had some now. Even telling this story is depressing me! It is so nice to not be completely in charge of everything.) I called mom to see if she wanted something for dinner (she isn’t very hungry) and about the decision. She thought it was good that she’s not under the care of anyone and figures she can be perfectly fine all by herself. I laughed, hung up, and ate my ice cream. It lasted almost the entire drive home.

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Once at the house, I filled the suet feeders. Those Downy woodpeckers were very glad! The young ones are learning to forage and mom had put out a part of a biscuit covered in peanut butter and sunflower seeds. (I would have thrown it in the bushes, but the dog would have found it) I went inside and learned mom had not kept up on her pain pump meds. She did take some oral ones. She also walked down to the lake and back. I’m surprised she didn’t take a shower. I told her she needed to be careful and she could fall and no one would know for ages (she will not wear her medic button). She insisted she would not fall and falling could happen anywhere, so maybe she should just not do anything. (yes, she said that!) I told her I wasn’t responsible for her activities, but it would be helpful if she used caution. She blew me off.

I kept up on her pump meds til I dropped into a nap. I’d talked to The Craftsman who enjoyed his birthday present and tried to sit outside to watch the stars,, but ended up only watching the insides of his eyelids. I finally got mom to bed and am now listening to the raindrops in the chimney of the bad woodstove. I’m cold and would love to fire it up, but when I think maybe I will, I remember what Little Bear said and don’t do it. Fires are very scary. And I’m in the basement with no egress other than the stairs. NOTE: Because of the rain, I may not be able to be online….

OK< am back, finally!!! Also adding a photo from a previous post. Because mail is so much fun!!!!

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I found this great song and listened to it on YouTube. I wanted to share it. I love how erotic and romantic it is. The lyrics are more about the woman being God in a relationship than some sort of spiritual thing. Although, there is that, too. But, our society being what it is, it stirs up the populace. I liked she said it was art and art is supposed to stir up people. (Or at least, I think that is what she said!) What do you think?

Trains and Snipes

The last two weeks have been an out of control train and I’m not allowed to do anything but watch the driver. She’s going to kill herself. I hope I can jump off before she derails.

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This last week she has not wanted to do much of anything. Recall we got the results from her radiologist saying she was ‘good to do all manner of things, including a trip outside (to the states…the rest of the states in the lower 48 of the United States).’ From my point of view, she’s not really able to do much at all. She didn’t want her good friend to visit last Friday or Saturday. She didn’t go to church on Sunday. She stumbles often, but doesn’t fall (or at least, she hasn’t told me if she has). One day, I did find her on the floor. She said she was playing with her dog. (Plausible and probable as Obi was right next to her, but she has tripped over him before.) I heard crashing noises one night and jumped from my bed, to see what was the matter. (sheesh, I sound like I need to run to the window and throw up the sash!). Anyway, I heard her in the kitchen and she said she was trying to get a beverage bottle from the cupboard and the bottles fell out. She didn’t have anything to say as to why I heard a thud from the living room area of my ceiling. She has done a touch of weeding (I’m afraid she’ll fall into her big rosebush, but she wants to do it and it is outside and good for her) and sleeps and sleeps in a moment’s notice. (She says it is her age and that she stayed up to watch the latest Royal Wedding, which should not have continued to make her sleepy into this week…maybe) Today, we went to her pain doctor again. The doctor upped the doses. I think the one she has all the time was increased 20% and what she gets in a bolus boost was increased by another 10%, Mum was pretty out of it at the office. Even though she pretended, I think her doctor noticed mom falling asleep while waiting for the doctor to calibrate the machine. (Mom is really hurting a great deal. I wish I could make it go away.) When we were done, it was after noon (I really need to carry food with me) and mom didn’t want lunch yet. She wanted to get her new glasses first, so we did. I had assumed (silly me) we would eat in the store when we got to the place, but nope. Mom wanted her lunch in the car. So, I didn’t get anything til we got home after 130. (at dinner I mentioned I wasn’t that hungry cuz I had eaten a late lunch. Mom reminded me she ate late, too, because she didn’t eat all her lunch in the car. She had part of her sandwich in the house and didn’t finish her shake..where I ate too much and got sick from all the fats. Yuck) She’s not eating as much as she used to. Not really. She has most of her meals, but not all of them.  (I took this photo of her on the 21st)

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The part that makes me the most nervous is mom’s 8 pm alarm went off and I usually wait to see if she does it before reminding her. I heard her about 830 in the kitchen, so figured she was ‘ok’. About 915 I heard her say she and Obi were going on a walk about. I dashed to the stairs (it had rained and it was chilly and even if it was daylight, I wanted to make sure of what she was doing) and found out she was going to get her paper. I reminded her the paper hadn’t arrived today and I had looked 3 different times and we’d see if one would arrive in the morning. Well, it turns out she didn’t realise it was still night time. She thought it was morning. I understand this can happen in Alaska with long daylight hours, but it was still scary. She took her morning Lantus shot of 16 instead of the evening one of 4 units. She took several units of Humalog to cover her blood sugar and then ate breakfast. (we had eaten dinner at 6pm) So, her body had her dose of Humalog from her dinner she had eaten at 6 and then more for her ‘breakfast’ a couple of hours later. Thankfully she didn’t take the meds in her daily pills box. Which, I notice has only pills in it for Wednesday. Which she should have taken at the time of her real Wednesday breakfast. I wish she’d let me monitor things. She says I don’t need to do that, I’ve done it enough and she’s quite able to do things herself. (she needs to change a fitting and is sitting watching tv and reading like everything is perfectly perfect)

As for me, I finally got myself some CBD oil. I researched it and realized it would be a whole lot less stressful for my body to take than some of the prescribed meds. Like the one for neuropathy that reads (and I know, side effects cover anything that may have ever happened to people taking the drug) it may cause irritability (was told not to take it if that happened…I’m already irritable!!!) or depression (ummmm, I don’t want to do that again!) or tummy aches and headaches (like I want to add to the ones I keep getting) or blurred vision (hello? I need new glasses and when my glucose goes wonky, but vision blurs anyway!). So, I picked a tiny bottle of drops up and have started with a smidge and we’ll go from there.

I’m pretty sure I won’t get any sleep tonight, though, or get a less tension filled evening. Because I was told to keep an eye on mom by the health nurse I called after hours. I was also told to bring her insulin to my room, so she couldn’t take it. (closing the door after the horse is gone, I reckon) I didn’t do that, but I did go up and have her check her blood. Which she did quite calmly. The really cool CGM called the Freestyle Libre is not available yet. It appears the pharmacist didn’t hear back from the doctor or the doctor didn’t hear from the pharmacists. Thankfully, they remembered me at the pharmacy and resent it to the office. I wish we had it, I would find it much easier to press a remote over her arm to check her blood than have her do it on her own. (I JUST went up to see if she needed help with getting a bottle of ensure open for her lowering blood sugar and she got mad at me and said ‘I suppose you should, because I’m a baby now.’ She then opted to finish her shake from lunch.)

beautiful blooming blossom blur

Photo by Leigh Patrick on Pexels.com

In Oregon, the sod in the yard wasn’t put back like I thought and are now pillars of dried out grass and dirt. I suggested planting wildflowers in the (at least 24 foot long) bit of bare dirt in the yard, but it wasn’t met with much enthusiasm. I’d push for it if I was there! Imagine, a long 3 foot wide strip of wild flowers blooming in straight line down the almost middle of a verdant green lawn. It brings smiles to the soul. I do think they are rather fortunate I’m a million miles away and can’t go and buy seeds for the empty space. Strider is finding more interesting house things with being a home owner. It appears his water systems are all messed up (hoping this stops with the kid on the East Coast. I cringe when I hear the words ‘septic system’). On the great side, he got some of the sunstones he mined cut and they are beautiful!!!! (I keep reminding him his mom would love one of his ‘costume’ stones, but I guess I will need to wait. The expensive cut gems are more than I want, but I’d love one of the ones he is polishing and putting into his own jewelry. The cut stones he’ll sell after getting them appraised.) Up north I’m reading old favorites and seeing and talking and texting people from near and far. I continue to be incredibly tired and am thinking about more things than I make time to blog. I am not even too interested in getting out the kayak. The work of hauling it down to the lake and getting in and out of it are a tad daunting at the moment. Thankfully, it’s been cold and windy! The absolute most awesome thing was identifying a bird I’ve been wondering about since 2014. It is often heard when it is dark and I don’t have the technology to identify a bird by a call. I finally spotted it today. It was a dark fast moving speck high in the sky. I was able to get the binoculars on it and mark the shape. From there, I used mom’s silhouette bird book and on my ipad started looking up birds of that dimension and their sounds. Eventually, I stumbled upon the correct avian. It was a snipe. I’d been hunting for it for years and had no idea! (please click on the link. LOTS of awesome information!)

Waiting Cat Nips

Winter bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail. –Montenegrin Proverb

Birds are one of my favorite things. Which is funny, because I also love cats. Unfortunately, the cats also enjoy the birds. But not in the same way. There are several feeders in the yard and we need to be aware of where the cats might be. There is a window in the dining room with a table in front of it. The table top is at the bottom of the window and we don’t keep anything on it, except a towel. (Sometimes stuff does end up there, but never for very long!!) This table top belongs to the cats. Outside the window is a tall double shepherd’s hook. On the hooks are bird feeders. Sometimes we hang a suet feeder on one side, but in this part of EO, suet melts or turns rancid in warmer months. So, we almost always hang up feeders full of seed. Moses has been known to sit in the window chittering at the feeding fowl. We usually get juncos and goldfinches and rose finches. Rarely do other birds show up.

One winter, while filling feeders, seed was spilled on the porch. I went in the house to get a broom and turned around to see Moses in the open door. Waiting. He didn’t get anything that day, but I had to take his photo anyway!

A little loony-

I learned from mum that a loon is not a bird.

I had asked her if a loon was one of her favorite birds and she said, ‘NO!’ This surprised me. It is the state bird for her home state, she enjoys seeing them on the lake, and she likes to hear their calls. She told me her favorite bird is a chickadee and then she said, ‘Besides, a loon isn’t a bird.’

She didn’t tell me what it was, though!

(Confusion is becoming more and more common, but there is always a reason for it. She’s tired, or the meds, or the treatments, or…….)

Point of View-

In an odd move, The Craftsman sent me a text today. It was supposed to be romantic, but it made me laugh. I talked to him later, explained my giggling, and he realized what he’d done. Let me ‘splain. The text was from Song of Songs and was about hiding doves near a cliff and that the voice was pleasant and the dove is lovely. The dove, in this verse, probably refers to one of King Solomon’s wives. It was a very surprising sweet move by The Craftsman, but there is always another point of view……..

When I read the first line, I wondered what kind of hunting game the dad was playing with the kid. Bear frequently shoots pigeons when he works for local farmers and then has the birds for dinner. Doves are protected, but much easier to spell than pigeon for an unfamiliar texter. Doves also abound in the area of Oregon I normally live in (see photo below). As I read on, I realized what the words were and laughed out loud. I’m still smiling!  In our family, there is a history with a singular male dove. It was not a positive relationship.

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Romeo. Mum adopted Romeo when birds became taboo for classrooms. About a bazillion years back. Time went on and we wondered how long the bird would live. My sister researched doves and found this particular one, a ring neck dove, would live for decades in captivity. The two of us were not impressed. I felt sorry for this bird, because with mum getting so sick, she neglected it. It was an awful care. It lived in a tiny cage and made messes and cooed and cooed and cooed and drove the rest of us nuts… Did I say it cooed? My poor dad tried to kill it twice. Actually, he painted twice and forgot to open the windows. Romeo survived. Dad died about 10 years ago. Romeo lived on. You could never call without hearing that bird in the background. Like a steady drip, the gentle coos reverberated in the ear, blocking the canal with echoing song. Everyone who talked to mum had this bird in the background, cooing. My boys often dreamed of doing it in. An ear worm driven in firmly by an almost 24 hour bird. If it heard you awake, it woke, too. And cooed.

These last years, my sister and I tried to convince mum to give Romeo away. She wouldn’t do it. Then, mum got sick and her lungs were destroyed by the chemo. The blessed physician in charge of breathing (whatever the name is!), found out mum had a bird and suggested she find a home for it before she returned to hers. It appears the bird dander could, and probably would, cause her lungs more harm. I was on the phone in minutes and my sister posted the bird on an online site. Before the day was over, Romeo had someone interested in him. My sister promptly collected the bird and all the do dads to keep him content and met the party at an approved location. The new bird owner wanted to pay my sister and, in horror, she told the nice couple WE should pay them! When my sister texted the transaction was complete, I remember hopping in joy! That damn dove was gone and I am sure my dad grinned from above, as well. I know the boys were glad!

 

A crazy week!

20170612_171241 I drove a push button rig which I learned was not quite as modern as we think. In the link, by the 6th slide you learn they existed as early as 1912. 20170613_185645 I mowed mum’s yard. It isn’t a lawn, it is a very steep slope of various sorts of greens. It kills my calves as I  push the mower (see star) up and down the expanse. IMG_6424 I looked into the recesses of one of mum’s cupboards for something I decided I didn’t need when I realised I probably couldn’t get it out if I found it anyway. IMG_6463 (2) I spent time photographing this lovely instrument of death while it was perched in the yard. After I took close to 60 photos, the darn thing flew down to the lake and snatched a duckling for his post photo op snacking pleasure. It wasn’t enough, he got another one about 20 min later. 20170616_200420 It appears I wore old worn white shoes for several days this week. Well, one of them is more worn than the other. I also discovered I had a duplicate set in a different area of my basement. 20170616_174530Then, I found this in a store where I was picking up burgers for dinner. It sort of seems seasonal with the white and red color scheme. However, I was feeling it an apt bit of signage for me this crazy week. I have been too nice lately and I am ready for naughty!

These two blogs made me laugh out loud, too. This friend shared a song and this friend words so bizarre, you have to laugh!

Paddle On

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The lake has so many babies on it, avian predators are using it as a refueling stop in their travels. Eagles, both immature and grown, are frequent visitors as are loon. The goshawk hasn’t been spotted yet, but I’d not be surprised if we see it soon. Granted, the immature eagle is not very adept in his hunting (I watched him/her slip from the perch it was trying to land on), yet the bird terrifies the families. The loon is absolutely fascinating. I’ve been googling these birds and they truly are beautiful creatures of death. Although, one article I found shared a loon adopting a baby goldeneye. On this lake, goldeneye are tasty morsels.

It is frustrating to watch this not family friendly saga of life on a lake. I want to go out and protect the babies, but I’m also considered a predator. A bright orange kayak gliding on the water surface is an unknown and therefore, scary. Mum feeds the mallards up at the house, she isn’t supposed to. I often go out and feed them. Mostly because she will if I don’t. But, also because the babies are so darn CUTE! I’ve even gone down and tossed cracked corn in the water near the shore, it makes it easier to focus on them with binocular and camera lens!

The mamas have a lot of work with their babies. As they get braver, they venture further away from her proximity. Some mamas are not very good at keeping track of their kids. After some predator appears, the lake echoes with shrill peeps and distressed squawks until everyone is back to where they are supposed to be. Moms who had 8 offspring are down to 3 or 4 and they rally them close and keep on paddling.

I often see myself reflected in this season of young things. I am caregiving and often I don’t do it right. Parts of mum’s care escape me.

Today I truly screwed up and gave her the wrong insulin when my own blood sugar was in the 70’s. Her care comes first and glucose tablets sort of helped me. (I also had a bit of mum’s apple crisp and couldn’t even taste it—I must have been low! Later, however, my glucose was way too high.) Anyway, this morning, when I gave her both lantus and humalog, I put the pens in the wrong boxes and at lunch gave her 6 more of lantus instead of the 6 of Humalog. Thankfully, she didn’t notice anything about me giving her two shots at lunch (I gave her the Humalog, too). She gets pretty pissed when I mess up her insulin. She wants her insulin pump back badly. Then she can take care of things all on her own (mostly).  Her blood sugars have remained in the 300’s, after a fasting blood sugar in the 200’s. So, with the not being able to keep her in the 200 ranges and messing up her shots in the first place, I’m feeling like that mama duck. Not entirely useful at keeping those around me where they should be. Or at least, mum. I’ve only been taking care of her since the last days of November. It hasn’t been very long, really. And I should be better at it, especially with the Diabetes part. I’ve been a person with Diabetes years longer than she has!

I wish I could toss this task into someone else’s lap. This choice I made to stay with her was probably the best one, but gods, I am so bad at it! I often wish I was back in Oregon. Being ignored and doing boring routines tasks in my own house with my own books and kitchen and cupboards and not having to do number things like finances, looks better every day. And if I was in Oregon, I could go to a movie (maybe even with someone!!) and not worry about the consequences. I could dig in my own yard and not do it wrong, I wouldn’t have to mow the grass and weeds (this is a daunting task at mum’s), and I could sleep in my own comfy bed with the cats.

Paddling on is all I can do. And cry helpless tears in the shower, where they can wash away and not be noticed.  (and whine on WP!)