The eve of another journey around the sun

I’m feeling age today. I had a bunch of checks in mom’s name I was finally able to get into the bank (3 months later!) and was excited because I needed to use that cash to pay for stuff attached to the house. Then, I realised how silly I was. I need to see how to do mom’s taxes for these latest checks and wait til the IRS takes them all. (or something) Not to mention, I need to split it with my sister.

Last week at dinner The Craftsman asked if I was going to buy flowers or should he. I was absolutely confused cuz I had no idea what he was talking about. Then, it dawned on me and I laughed. I said I had flowers already and they were still in good shape, if he wanted  to get me flowers he could wait til the 4th when these would be worn out. He asked why he should buy me flowers on Little Bear’s birthday and I said, ‘Cuz I’m the mom!’ (He also forgot my birthday was on Saturday and not Friday, he needs FB. lol)

My book series can’t be finished cuz I don’t have the middle book, so I will put that on hold while I go back to a different series I finally got the next book for. Totally different books, but both series have blood, death, swords, and male characters with a good does of hubris! (The Saxon Tales are ones I’m reading now, The Witcher is the one I had to put on hold first!) My dinner isn’t thawed, so I am hoping it will be before it goes in the oven.

On the other hand, February first is National Eat Ice Cream for breakfast day, so that is a great way to start the new month! Plus, I purchased a few more Valentine cards to mail to dear ones around me. I’ve purchased books for Little Bear for his birthday, books on CD for The Craftsman (I always try to give notes and gifts from the first til the 18th to him because of our anniversary. He says he isn’t any good at those kinds of things, but he enjoys being remembered.), and I even bought myself a book by Phil Collins. I had to, I rarely impulse buy, but this phrase sold me. “But, when I do go, I’d prefer my epitaph not to be ‘He came, he wrote ‘Sussudio’, he left.‘ (Phil Collins, Not Dead Yet) The Craftsman purchased a movie ‘The Hangover‘, which is a hilarious black and white, so maybe we can watch that on Saturday evening (or Dean Martin’s very funny, ‘Who Was that Lady?’).

I’ll spend most of this Friday evening making stuff for Sunday afternoon’s game hours and an angel food cake. Or maybe I’ll cook tomorrow, I do need to warm up the stove to make dinner.  I’ll just embrace whatever happens! (I share this often, it is one of my VERY favorite songs: enjoy thanks to YouTube!)


The end of the beginning

It is the end of January. The month opened with the promise of a blank 365 days to fill and learn and grow in. We’ve already enjoyed almost 31 days of this new year and not a lot looks much different from previous ones!

Little Bear has determined he wants an ordinary birthday cake this year (two layer chocolate-which made me laugh, I very rarely make a two layer cake!) because many other years had cakes that were labor intensive. (he was right!) He also said a nice gift would be no party (last year we had quite a few visit, in spite of the new snow that fell that day). He has also thought a bit about joining a shooting and fishing club near here, he has actually investigated it online and so his thinking is a bit more proactive than usual! (If he can manage to part with $100 for fees to be around other people, I’m of the mind this is a good idea)

My therapy is going ok. I may not do the twice a week since each visit is $40 and I can take what he’s teaching me out of the germ infested facility (it is a very busy spot with people of every age and health) into my own house. My recent visit was definitely interesting. First, I had to find it. Last time I got turned around inside the center. This time, I got turned around trying to get into the parking lot! To be fair, the sign is visible driving up the hill, unfortunately, I was looking for it from the other direction!


Once inside, I shared more information on my sore arm and leg and the therapist started working on me. He gently pulled my right arm and pressed on the shoulder. He called it shaking loose the rust inside. It felt amazing! In fact, it didn’t hurt as much as usual for almost 40 minutes. I was rather impressed. After the appointment, I thought I’d check my glucose before driving off in the dark (lately, driving in the dark is more difficult for me than it has been previously. It seems to get worse every year. A good reason to NOT live in the land of my soul!!). I was fortunate I checked. It was very low. Thankfully, I had stopped at the store before going to my appointment, where I had purchased those cute little fruits about the size of my breasts (probably not, but they must be close!). The oranges are super easy to peel, another good thing when a glucose is low and one is less than coordinated! (the blog highlighted is an old one of mine-I ditched weebly for WP)

I have an appointment for Friday, but don’t think I’ll make it to that one. I was going to do both therapy visits this week, but while I was low my cell rang. It was the bank. Looking back, I realise I was confused not just cuz my glucose was low. I had just visited the bank. I wanted to set up an appointment for next week. I had told the lady with the sticky note and pen who wrote notes that I was unavailable the rest of that day, but Wednesday would be a good day to call and I gave her times. I gave them the landline number and blithely went off, confident I’d get it sorted the next day. The baker and I ended up getting the appointment for Friday, three and a half hours before my PT appointment. Color me unimpressed! I wish I could visit the Alaska bank.

The worst thing that happened this week could have been a lot worse than it was. As Little Bear and Strider said, ‘Dad gave himself a new project.’ I was talking to Strider on the phone, The Craftsman was in the bathroom getting ready to shower. I heard the water start, a crashing sound, then silence. After a short bit, I told the eldest and he said to check. We both heard an aggravated, clipped response of, “I’m Fine.” Well, after being around mum for so long, fine is not a word I appreciate. Thankfully, he really was ok, but somehow his wet foot on the edge of the tub slipped off and struck the inside of the tub. He’s darn lucky he didn’t hamstring himself or slice something important. Bathrooms are a very dangerous location in a house. Always keep a towel with you—especially if you need covered up! (carrying a towel is from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) I’m incredibly thankful we didn’t have to rescue that 6’2” guy from the floor (so is his youngest!).  (you can see the crack running up and down alongside the yardstick I added for perspective)


Writing of bathrooms and needing to fix them reminds me of some pictures I was sent. My good friend, TnT, just finished tiling a shower area. I wish he was here, isn’t this lovely?

My heart breaks

Little Bear is often alone. He has some friends, but no one he has ever hung out with. He spends his time by himself or with his dad or his brother (when possible). He’s not a loner in a negative way, he is just alone. He always has been and it makes me sad. Soon, he’ll be 26 years old. He’s got a full time job, a lot of money in the bank, is frugal, reads, watches movies and whatever might be on youtube that tickles his fancy from cat videos to the evolution of traps and locking mechanisms. Our desktop computer has two profiles and on his there are many interesting things. I rarely look beyond photos, (he puts what he terms his best ones in a public folder) yet this was in a document called walls and it caught my eye and I opened it. I have no idea who wrote it, Little Bear could have (or Strider..). He’s a very good writer, but I don’t think he did. It fits him (and his older brother) exactly and this is why it breaks my mom heart. What did I do wrong? Is this fixable? I miss those little boys, am proud of my grown ones, yet how can they remove walls?


December 09

There once was a child born into the plains of life. He was happy and innocent. One day he looked up and saw a foundation around him, one brick high. He could see others around him outside the bricks. He could talk to them, but never let anyone in. Though some were closer than others, eventually they all left. For the wall had grown taller with the years. The boy started to become concerned because it grew harder and harder to see anyone on the other side. Eventually he would have to climb it just to see anyone at all, but always retreated back inside for he relished the safety of his enclosure. He came to realize as the years past what a problem this wall could be. The world told of all the great things one can do with the help of others (relationships). But the wall had grown too high; he climbed it daily and saw people go by. But no one stopped, for the wall was too formidable.

            For years this became the routine, he began to lose sight of what the world was like outside. He found that he wanted to be with those outside his wall, but he did not know how to get past it. Still more years past and this boy grew to a man, and he ignored the wall’s inconvenience. He still climbed it daily, and wanted what was beyond it; his hope of ever crossing it dwindled. No one on the outside could see in to see if it was worth it to break through. Few stopped to take a second glance.

            So now we are here. This man despairs because this wall is now his prison. He cries because he is lonely, but he laid the bricks himself. How could God have created a creature capable of love, but helpless to let himself find it? This wall has now become a fortress the sight of which strikes fear into all those who might glimpse its prisoner and wonder of his condition. What tools can tear down such a structure I do not know, for I did not know how it started, or under what circumstance it could end. Demons torment me that I have come to this place, and lick at the wounds that it leaves. Any dream of love is almost unbearable now, that anyone would desire the beast that now resides in this gulag. Most days I am numb to my situation, but some stab deep into despair. If I look to the future I see only this place. The desire to find another is still strong, but is countered by the shame that they must come here to find me. Even if there was someone who was capable of loving me, they would deserve someone without my faults which shackle this self –sentenced being. Someone that wonderful should not be wasted on me. Finding love is my most central desire and most over-reaching fear.


Once again-

I’ve started this post a couple of times. Perhaps this one will actually get posted!! The first one managed to get sidelined by glitches in the WP program. (OK< to be fair, it was probably the outdated computer I was using!). I added a photo and lost where I was in the post and then the whole thing vanished once I’d fixed the italics that somehow didn’t transpose from the copy and paste. After several frustrated moments that stretched into many, I logged off! Then, I decided to write and I got sidelined and thought I had but I hadn’t! (It has been one of those weeks!)

I went to a physical therapy place today, I was very thankful I’d left early. I forgot the road was being worked on, had to detour, got back to the one I thought I should be on too early, ended up in the wrong lane, followed the parking lot directions to the location and found myself on the far side of the building! Inside, I handed over the debit card to make the payment and learned their machines were down (a new one should be in by next week). I was asked if I had an alternative (I’ve not carried checks since shopping with mom, I’ve not used them since paying most of her bills off. The Oregon account I’ve not seen the checkbook in at least a year!).  Thankfully, she said they’d just bill the address and let it go. I imagine they’ve had to do that a lot lately!!

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Photo by on

The doctor who looked me over didn’t realise there were two offices referring me to PT. He also didn’t know I had MS. (I didn’t fill out a health form, not sure why. I’ve not been in a place for PT in over 10 years, so I don’t know the protocol for such spots.) Anyway, he suggested walking for my sore back (although, when he saw me walk, he wasn’t impressed with my agility!) and shoulder stretches for the painful arm/shoulder (I have a pulley, it just hasn’t been put up anywhere. I’m too short to mount it on the ceiling and The Craftsman needs reminded about jobs I want done..which I won’t do more than twice!). He also said to use heat to relax the muscles. I was thankful this doctor didn’t suggest cold. I am a lover of winter and snow, not one of chilled skin! I visit them twice next week and hope I’ll be moving well enough by then to not visit any longer.

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Cooked Canadian moose in the crock pot (it wasn’t bad!) for dinner, ordered an audio book for Strider for Valentine’s Day (an absurd one called ‘What If?’,  narrated by Wil Wheaton), and tried to be quiet cuz The Craftsman has a horrid headache. I did notice dozens more little spears of green thrusting through the grasses this morning and it was warm enough to wear capris and a t-shirt (I did take a long rain coat to my appointment, but didn’t need it). Our temps were in the mid-fifties of Fahrenheit. (I just asked Little Bear why the words Fahrenheit and Celsius are capitalized.  He hemmed and hawed about them being last names originally—he could sell a bridge in a desert—and then finally decided it was a science thing!) We did get more rain to wash away more of the moderate snow left over from a while ago, it is supposed to keep raining.

close up photo of jew drop

Photo by Bedis ElAcheche on

I’ve been thinking about something that might be controversial. I am not sure, but I’ll share it anyway! I wonder if the climate/warming change is because of prayer. People pray for it to stop raining or to start raining or to get warmer and those prayers are all over the globe. Very few people pray for snow and long cold winters and storms or winds. So, when God answers, He’s got prayers all over and around the same time, while the real weather is supposed to be happening and perhaps they get mixed up in delivery. (Personally, I miss long, frosty, snowy winters, but not the icy roads!) As Alice said, ‘Curiouser and Curiouser.’


Crazy Wonder

While out and about this Tuesday, I was reminded of Brigadoon. Lots of rain and intermittent fog and stark landscape. No Gene Kelly, though. I was thankful it wasn’t freezing, was wishing for snow, and wanting to be somewhere Alaska. I’ve had dreams about home and getting rid of the house. It was awful and I woke up sad. It needs to be done, though. I realised how much money I’ve dropped into that place and while money isn’t all that important, it does help smooth paths and I’d love to fix that particular leak in my finances. (I detest wasting money and it seems more and more like a waste.) Then, I think I’d like a Continuous Glucose Monitor,  I want to send my iPad to Apple, or buy more books. (although, those last two wants are not entirely important!)

Once online, I was introduced to this author and poem while reading one of my favorite blogs ‘Cauldrons and Cupcakes‘. Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese. (I hope you can read it!)

wild geese

I was thinking about wonderful things in my world (cue Louis Armstrong!) and decided to photograph some African violets in the kitchen. Technically, they were a birthday gift to me. Although, as Little Bear said when I received them, “Dad! Look, mom got a plantfor you to take care of!” Needless to say, he has and they are beautiful. I particularly like how the blooms glitter. Not being knowledgeable with this plant, I don’t know if they all have sparkling flowers, but I really appreciate them. I then discovered how different they looked, depending on where I put the flash to illuminate them. FUN FUN FUN!!

After reading Nicole’s notes,  I chanced upon another favorite author blogger of an entirely different sort. Kent Wayne and his latest musing struck me. ‘Problems are a…skill expanding puzzle.’ I love that idea. I’m not fond of problems, they keep me awake, make me cry, and frustrate me into kitchen frenzies (stress baking). However, I have learned from many of those problems. I have grown and left most of them more than half baked.

Glittery blooms and life lessons. Crazy wonder!


There are moments when I think I need hammered upside the head. (often!) I run across thoughts and stories and comments that all say the same thing and they are generally in a theme I’m familiar with, but not realizing at the moment. This week is another one of those.

I have a favorite book (OK, I know, I say this all the time, but it is true!! Almost every book I’ve read has special bits in it and so I class them all together under favorite!)  Each book, experience, person, and interaction shapes a being in some way. This particular read was an important tool in who I am (as nebulous as that topic is!). It is called ‘A Touch of Wonder’ by Arthur Gordon. It isn’t a churchy book, it is an inspirational one. It isn’t a chapter book or a teaching book, although it does teach. It is full of stories of wonderment. One of the best ones is the last, the story where the book title comes from. (I’d take a photo of it and share that way, but the iPad did that best and well, as you know, it is toast!)

“  ‘There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of one small candle….’

This inscription was found on a small, new gravestone after a devastating air raid on Britain in WW2. Some thought it might be a famous quotation, but it wasn’t. The words were written by a lonely old lady whose pet had been killed by a Nazi bomb.

I have always remembered those words, no so much for their poetry and imagery as for the truth they contain. In moments of discouragement, defeat or even despair, there are always certain things to cling to. Little things, usually: remembered laughter, the face of a sleeping child, a tree in the wind—in fact, any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved.

No man is so poor as to not have many of these small candles. When they are lighted darkness goes away…and a touch of wonder remains.

I had a hard time the last day or so deleting mom from her kindle and taking it over. I’ve been absorbed into so much of mom’s world and have kicked every step of the way. I am so tired of spending money on mom that I will never ever see recouped and yet, when it came time to deregister this small electronic device, it took a few days (it might have been longer, but I really wanted to finish the book I’d started!). It seemed as if I was trying to erase her.

This Sunday, I was thinking about how much of her life has gone on to bring joy to others. People have sent me pictures of skirts, scarves, holiday décor, and told me stories of where mom’s SABLE has spread. Her cat lives in Oregon, I wear her gold nugget watch, and now I’m using her Kindle (for now, I really truly much prefer Apple over Amazon!). She’s not gone, she never will be. When I eventually finish up north with the stuff of Mum and I can finish down here with the SABLE brought back (I refuse to EVER do this to my boys and if I die before I get things sorted here and leave mom’s and my stuff, I’ll move to the far side of the Kingdom of Heaven for a few centuries til I’m not grumpy at mom anymore! I am going to have to unload stuff up there for pennies or donation. I’m not thankful for that, but it will have to be. I cannot keep lollygagging around with this job!). I am looking forward to the day when I can finally step away from hers to see where my own life is going.

In the meantime, I am going to remember to look for candles to keep lighted and the wonder in that magical light. Such as being able to actually walk today without much pain and while outside finding tiny itty bitty spears of daffodil and crocus barely clearing the dead grasses of last summer around the melting snow. (NOTE: this particular pic is from awhile back)


A Tech Plan?

Written at 1 in the morning on an incredibly blustery night. You know, during the time between dusk and dawn in the witching hour when thoughts wander and light on solutions that may or may not be logical because wind makes me nervous and I have to have something to do besides fret under blankets!

(The above is one of my favorite scenes from The Princess Bride. YouTube is wonderful about finding bits and pieces to share, the book is also excellent!!)

As I sit here in the darkened living room beginning to cool down from daytime furnace temps, I shiver while I contemplate not having a certain book to finish. In this late hour, I realized I can do what Fezzik and Inigio did. I can go back to the beginning. (So to speak.) Let me sum up and hope I make sense:

I have always wanted technology and managed quite a bit with the family desktop. Then, in 2014, a good friend purchased me my laptop. It was an amazing gift that transported me all over the net. (in spite of the odd screen glitch that has half of it slightly off color and wavy!) Around that time, another friend gave me her old kindle. (I had wanted one of those for quite some time!) In addition to these two incredible tools, I had a trac phone cell phone. It was a flip phone, but I was pretty good at texting via the alphabet keys! I used these devices a lot. Then, Amazon stopped supporting the older Kindles. (I recently learned, the devices can still be used in a roundabout way. You download documents to your computer and then load them to your kindle! Thus, giving lip service to the ‘we still support older models of Kindle’.) I sorely missed being able to get new books to read, yet enjoyed the ones I had.

In December 2016, I gained a more modern cell phone (because the one I had wasn’t working in the area of AK I was in) and then the iPad. They were godsends in so many ways. Yet, at this time in my life, I really only need the cell phone.  As much as I love my hand me down iPad, I don’t exactly need it. I can reluctantly mothball the technology until I can afford to get it fixed. I have mom’s kindle here at the house and can ustilise that for several of the things I did with the iPad. (NOTE: A person can have up to 6 devices linked to a single email for kindle. I won’t need that many and can decommission the oldest one.) I might even be able to load on a few games, in spite of their quirkiness! (not that ridiculous word one..although, I’ve gotten through so many levels on the IPad, perhaps I can fly through them on a kindle!!). The kindle is made for documents and I’ll just not download my naughtier books. At least not all of them!!!! Maybe I’ll keep some of the more innocuous titles and authors. Definitely Aiken. (LOVE that author!!) For the majority of the social media, I will go back to using the laptop. I will not worry about losing the things on the iPad. I will try to see if I have the photos elsewhere and put them in a different method of saving and hope those I can’t are not lost for good. With the documents, I am working with One Note. It appears they don’t like something in my identification. I’ve sent them an email and we’ll see what happens next. I absolutely will miss Facetime and Skype. Although, I’ve not used them in months, I still like that option! Skype on my laptop is dubious. Workable, but not as efficient as it might be. I’m not sure about apps with the Kindle.

I don’t like Amazon as much as Apple when it comes to devices (Apple is more close mouthed with its technology, allowing a user to be more private!), but gift horses should not be looked at in the mouth. You never know what you might find!

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Photo by Matthias Zomer on

Presents are wonderful things and I’ve gotten many I’ve taken care of, while using them thoroughly. I’m truly a fortunate person. (and speaking of gifts, the two I ordered for Little Bear’s birthday have arrived. They aren’t needed til the 4th! I was thinking I’d ask for purple hued duct tape for mine. I do not like mom’s hot pink kindle cover and duct tape might help make it more Kris. I might even use some stickers I’ve got around.) 

So, reading this over in the waning afternoon light before it is time to make dinner once more (what is that with always needing to feed people????), I think this is a doable idea. Especially since Microsoft sent me an email saying I could log into my account, but it is still locked. (I even tried to communicate with a ‘person’ and had to log in only to be blocked cuz of the account being locked!!) I also picked up more books from the library. Bernard Cornwell’s Saxon Tales and Tamora Pierce’s Alanna quartet. The other ‘Witcher’ ones are on reserve…Hooray for books!!!

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Photo by Renato Abati on

To Read or not to Read? Just READ!


I love this picture of Loki, which is why I use it often! Without technology and the books on my iPad, I am thankful for bound editions. (I still want to finish the bubble gum book I’d started!!! Bubble gum reading are usually romances or lit churned out by authors with story lines very similar to each other. Comfort sorts of book). The books I’m working on at the moment are by a Polish author Anderzej Sapkowski. You might recognize his name, he’s the ‘HOT‘ fantasy author right now with a game and now a TV series made from this series I’m reading.

Personally, I cannot see how on earth these were made into a game. I don’t play video games, but I thought in a game you are a character and accomplished goals to reach an end. (at least that is how it works in the original Oregon Trail game..til you get dysentery and die!) The first book I read jumped around worse than a frog on a hot sidewalk. I was talking to Strider and he mentioned how most of the authors from that time period (80’s to early 90’sdid that. Little Bear then interjected those were called cliff hangers. Terry Brooks is very good with those, drives me nuts as a reader!!! Most of the book is similar to those favorite fantasy authors! Which makes sense. It is funny he is just now coming to light in the US market.

It appears the TV series (also not something I’ve partaken of), is based more on the books than the game. No matter, I’m plowing through quite quickly. The story is entertaining and I much appreciate the pithy comments interspersed inside the story. They are gems to find and hold up to the light. I’ll show you! (Note: he also is good for sentences that go on and on. Thankfully, NOT like Tad Williams who spent three pages going up a staircase.)

First gem: One of the characters is visiting a university town. The author shares this: “It was also a town of amusement, constant festivities, permanent holidays, and incessant revelry. Night and day, the streets resounded with music, song, and the clinking of chalices and tankards, for it is well known that nothing is such thirsty work as the acquisition of knowledge. Although, the chancellor’s orders forbade students and tutors to drink and play before dusk, drinking and playing took place around the clock in Oxenfurt, for it is well known that that if there is anything that makes men thirstier than the acquisition of knowledge it is the full or partial prohibition of drinking.”

The last one I’ll share made me laugh out loud. The mostly main character is a girl. (She starts out about 9, I imagine her TV character is the older version of her found in later books). In this ‘scene’ she is around her mid teens and is interested in sex. She’s been teased by other girls about being a virgin and her main teacher thinks the whole topic is pointless. Eventually, the teacher (who, according to my eldest, is an important TV character) tells the girl this about bedding a man: “…If you have any choice at all and no experience, appraise the bed….Those who have no beds, eliminate on the spot. From those who remain, you eliminate the owners of dirty or slovenly beds. And when only those who have clean and tidy beds remain, you chose the one you find most attractive. Unfortunately, the method is not 100% foolproof.”

I had to laugh at that last method of choice because it is true! I recall an incredibly mussed nest that startled me. Sweet man, but I do appreciate tidy and clean bodies and sleeping areas!

I didn’t realise this was going to be a ‘review’. I don’t think it is, exactly. It was a fun read I wanted to share by an author in his late 70’s. I do hope he doesn’t write off the deep end and I do hope I can get the rest of his books in this series soon. Since the series has taken off, his books are now harder to find. I was fortunate I snagged them just after the New Year. So, what is the series? ‘The Witcher‘. A name that is a type of mutated human and not just a single entity, although there aren’t very many of them anymore. The first book I read is called ‘Blood of Elves” and the title appears to be part of a prophecy or maybe it refers to the child character. I’m not entirely sure and hope the next book might tell me. It probably won’t, but we’ll see!


Ticked by Tech

Tech Ticks??? Could I create a new cereal? How many bytes is a carbon footprint? Needless to say, in this lovely wintery weather we finally have here in EO, I’m annoyed. My iPad finally died. In the middle of a book!!! I was so mad. Now, I need to see if I can figure out how to get a battery…I’m betting that will be at least before the end of Feb. (The funniest thing? I finally used the Amazon gift card the kid got me for Christmas and purchased regular stuff for gifts and ebooks for me. That I now cannot read! lol) I do have mum’s Kindle, but it doesn’t do near the things the iPad can. (not to mention the word game that oddly on the iPad the ‘price’ of the game hintss are cheaper than on the kindle! I don’t ever buy things for a game using money, but if you play long enough, you can build up ‘coins’.) Plus, I need to change it form mom to someone else. Jake wanted it for Pippi after Pippi broke her iPad by tossing it on the bed and doing a belly flop onto it..I didn’t think the 14 year old was responsible enough for more technology. (she got a new iPad later!)  It was a gift, I’ve had two battery cords for it, but this is, I’m pretty sure, internal. It won’t accept it has been plugged in and leaving it so (just in case, because when something isn’t working and should, you keep trying it over and over hoping for different results!) makes the part that is actually in the outlet get very very warm. Thus, not using it. Everything I have read suggests downloading the data before replacing the battery, but that will be impossible since I can’t get the darn thing open at all. Definitely a piffle.

THEN, I decided to check WP on the desktop. Which totally wigged out. I logged in like usual then it was blank!  I could access the site from looking it up via a search engine. However, when I got there, I could not use the dashboard. The oddest thing was finding the other wordpress sites I have under different addresses were using the address and passwords for this one! I couldn’t log off after logging on and so I decided to try the laptop. I can get to it from here, so I reckon I’ll just use this. I only hope it reboots on the desktop!

So far, my laptop is ok. AND I was reading two books (one paper), so I still have books to read! AND the best part is the snow today. Quite a bit for how long it has been since we’ve had snow in this area. I’ve not been outside, I am still having a great deal of trouble keeping my balance at times and Little Bear has had a mort of calls come through the pager for folks who have fallen or had stroke or heart attack symptoms. Often, when there is snow, people forget they haven’t done anything difficult in at least a year or so and shoveling or walking on ice is too much. I do not want to be a pager call!!!!

I am not an agile squirrel seeking seed in the snow!!

‘Teeny Tiny’ and tomorrow

I’ve not wanted to write anything. I’m a tad depressed. Not cuz of the weather, which is boring (no snow, just wind and a smidge of rain and a bit of a chill). Not cuz of the doctors, exactly. I think it is more because I need to get off my lazy duff and take care of myself by myself. KK once told me eons back something I wrote down and keep next to my earring holder so I can see it every day. He said, ‘Always remember, Dear One, that no one will care about your daily and eventual health more than thou.’  I need to care.

This New Year, I’ve read several books and notes and what not with thoughts and theories relating to health and taking control. The universe is telling me to do it, heeding that call is more difficult than it appears. It is crazy. I want to be well and healthy (most humans do), yet to do it goes against the grain (bad pun!) of generations. I was reading in one book where humanity prefers the path of least resistance, they enjoy bad food for the moments of pleasure they gain. Ignoring the overall picture of fat and sloth. Eons past, white flour or refined sugars were considered food for the elite, so to go back to bread that resembles something one could get knocked out by is going backwards. I mentioned to The Craftsman that I would start using whole wheat and make sure there were the proper veggies around. He grimaced and suggested I not get carried away. (Personally, I am not sure I could stop baking. Baking and reading are two of my escapes.)

Yet, food is just a portion (another pun!) of the changes I need to make. Moving is so hard for me. Rhapsody mentioned in a recent blog that you just need to take one step at a time. Such an encouraging blogger! The author of Cauldrons and Cupcakes is another blogger I appreciate for her words of wisdom. (actually, all of the blogs I read encourage. I think I’m one of the whiners…Wine blogs are fascinating!)

I visited a doctor on Friday, last. I hurt so much, I can’t sleep or sit and walking is painful. He referred me to physical therapy. For my arm. Not for walking or my aching knee. When I visited the MS doctor, she was pleased with my tests, but also referred me to therapy. For what she anticipates might be arthritis. I’m thankful to learn the pain and memory lapses and balance issues aren’t from MS or diabetes, I don’t really think it is arthritis. Maybe the therapy can lead somewhere. The neurologist told me I did have lesions in my brain and my spine from MS However, they were all ‘teeny tiny’ and not elongated. (she was cute, probably my age, but not as dilapidated!) They seemed to be stable. I don’t think she had records from my last MRI in 2015, to get those I need to request them again. She was unhappy with the lab I visit. They didn’t send her the results and then they didn’t even get one of the tests she had ordered. (I’ve had trouble with them before. In fact, the last three doctor haven’t gotten the labs they requested! I know I gave the blood. I just wonder what they did with it.  I’m reminded of a physician in AK who had clinics in other states. He was hoarding urine samples and charging Medicare a lot of money for bogus urology tests. I’m sure this is not the case, probably….) I see Dr. Z again in February for nerve testing. I’ve never had that before, it is supposed to be an hour and should be interesting. I may need to find a ride up. The Craftsman has taken two half days to drive me up and back (150 miles round trip) and I shouldn’t keep bugging him. The visits take ages, too.

We have been sleeping apart the last nights. It appears I snore now. He did say it was something he had never noticed before, but it is too disturbing. Since my arm and hips and legs ache and I have trouble sleeping anyway, I hang out elsewhere with Moses, which also helps! He is the breadwinner and it is his insurance and job that handles the medical bills, he needs to rest. I have noticed that I breathe better sitting upright and I can feel my throat close up when I crumple over in sleep. None of the physicians have noted anything off in my lungs and a hot shower as soon as I wake usually helps me get back on track. Mostly.

My left eye is always gummy and both of them are constantly weeping. I absolutely understand not wanting to be around me much. I’m a mess!!! (I wonder if I have another left tooth pulled, might that help my sinuses and eye…everything is connected. Losing one more wouldn’t really matter. Especially, if it made me feel better! One of my dearest friends had a bad tooth that she poured thousands of dollars into-at one point the dentist lost the tip of a drill inside it!- She eventually had it pulled and several health problems vanished!)

All in all, this is a very long silly post on health. Tomorrow we might get winter, which would be lovely. I told The Craftsman I wanted to get some big tumbleweeds and spray paint them white and make a ‘snowman’. He liked the idea, but said he’d not like me to collect weeds in any of the vehicles I regularly drive! I reckon I should wait for actual snow to craft with. It is tidier!


December 2015