One tends to reflect on the eve of a new year. (nose crinkle) This last day of January, I feel better than I have in ages. Still horrid, but not too bad at all. I self-diagnosed and think I hurt my back this last summer moving boxes. It aches and aches and I was almost in tears the other night. It even hurts into my right butt cheek! I see the MS specialist on Monday next, we’ll see if she addresses something other than MS. (Often a specialist will send you back to your regular doctor for other issues. Annoying, but I guess it is less hassle for them.) I don’t make resolutions or plans. It is almost another day that has a lot of noise at midnight and not much else. So, to reflect from the bottom up. .
This last year I’ve read 171 books (in 2018 I read 154), most of them are old friends, but some are brand new reads. I’ve not baked near as much as usual (today I did make an odd batch of cookies, it only made about 4 and a half dozen). I did get much of mom’s house cleaned, even if there is so much left it makes me want to scream! I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on that place and mum with no to little hope of recouping any of it. I’ve not heard from the IRS to see if they are going to seize her property. It is in my name, so I’ll just go on like it does belong to me and go from there. I do not have all my holiday cards sent, I reckon I’ll finish that in the New Year. (Last year I didn’t send more than a few, so getting out more is a positive step.) I created new gardens and was a part of a November/December cycle of sick. I purchased a fitted bra, ran off and met mushers, and realised how people will step up to help in the most frustrating of times. There are a great many good people in the world, I’ve met quite a few this last summer. It has been a year with more positive than not and I am grateful.
The oddest thing. I’m a fretter. (It makes for a good story later) I tend to whine (like my followers don’t know that! Lol). I tend to fold up into naps when the chips are down and hide in fiction. The other day I got the oracle fairy cards I have and stood outside with no real question to have answered other than vague thoughts of the future and what might be next. I shuffled and dealt myself three cards and came inside to set them down on the table. I don’t know much about reading these fairy cards, I have a tiny notebook that has meanings inside.
The first card was upside down. This (the booklet says) means it is difficult. The card was ‘Rise above problems’. To step back, let go and be at peace. The second card was also upside down. It read ‘New Opportunities’. This one had a drawing of an open window on it telling me to stop looking for a door and take the window. To trust and to go to new places. The last one was face up and was ‘Breaking Free’. To stop being afraid and let go, although this one also talked about being responsible. The odd part? I’ve been seeing and hearing these thoughts all around me. In books I’ve been reading, in sermons, in other blogs I have read in my email. To stop being afraid and to let go and to be myself. To let go of what might happen with the house and just do what I can. To trust those around me instead of just existing with them. I am not the horrid person I think I am (although, there is a FB quiz that tells your inner you and your outer self. Outside I’m Snow White, inside I’m Darth Vader!)
It is easy for me to get back into that person who serves and does and pushes herself away for others. I know I am a fortunate person. I have nothing to do except chores. I can read or play word games that annoy me because what the heck does that word mean and why did they use it and not something normal that won’t play anyway? (sorry, bit of a pet peeve there) Granted, I often am ignored and at the same time, I’m noticed.
Little Bear helped me research the Christmas present I wanted and he made sure to get it for me with his dad on Black Friday. The Craftsman gave me cash to help pay for a passport and Little Bear gave me a gift card for Amazon that I will use to get gifts for my family for birthdays. (because any of ‘my’ money needs to be spent on the house) I did not get a stylus or the energy bars I suggested might be nice stocking stuffers. No matter, as Little Bear said, I can use the Amazon card and get a box of styluses! So, yes, I am fortunate. Jake is using a lot of things she’s conned from mum’s and tells me this via fb or in brief calls. The antique dishes and silver and crystal and furniture. I’m glad they seem to be making her happy. She’s losing weight (now I’m the fat one! lol), spent a weekend in Seattle with her oldest, and seems to be busier than ever. I hope she can pen time to help me into her schedule next summer, but if not, it will be ok. I’ve learned how to wait, but I’ve also learned not to. Life happens in spite of what we want!
I don’t know what sort of exercises might need done to help make my back and right arm/shoulder feel better. I don’t know much at all. Yet, I am blessed by different friends around me online who encourage and care and let me grow. And someday The Craftsman might just do more than rest his hand on my hip or thigh and go to sleep!!! (OK, that latter might be expecting beyond reality, but I do love fiction!) YIKES! One thing I need to remember is to pay attention to the kitchen when I’m not in there. I was typing away and plumb forgot I was boiling eggs. Thankfully, there was about an inch of water left in the pan when I walked in to find a snack. I reckon it is a good thing I don’t have a lot to do, I don’t do what I need to very well! Silly, Kris. (Perhaps that will change..probably not!)
All in all, I think the best thing to do this next year is to focus and ‘Always Look on The Bright Side of Life‘. Shall we? (YouTube)