Achilles and Angels

I recently thought about how each of us probably has an Achilles heel. A place we are vulnerable and a spot that gets us every time. Granted, we don’t get killed from this place of weakness (I hope!), but it exists and generally isn’t good. Then, today, while waiting for a friend, I started a short story in an erotic anthology. (this is a fairly good anthology series. I enjoy a short that is fairly well written and makes one think. There are some typos, a few bobbles here and there, and the editing isn’t as good as I’d like. I think those come within the territory of ebooks in this age) This story, it made me think. And so, you are getting a post about Achilles and Angels.

The story is titled ‘Bringing Angels to Life’ by Chloe Thurlow. A little bit like ‘My Fair Lady’, but not exactly. (oddly, until typing those words, I had not even noticed how similar it was in genre to that classic musical or even the story of ‘Pygmalion!) The story is about a man who sees a woman and awakens her, the author litters the short with pithy sentences that I ended up highlighting (I wonder if that is why my iPad went from full to 14% in just a few hours???).  Thinking about my own Achilles heel of being responsible, of doing for those around me and not as often myself, these phrases showed me places I need awakened. This will be a long post. Bear with me!!!!

This first quoted started my words winnowing, ‘What is life for, but to be lived?’  Mum made me aware of this and in the last months, I’ve forgotten it a bit. She always planned or said she would do something and it never was done. I have wanted to do things this year, they generally are pushed off because of responsible.

Was I living life? Or was I like the hands on the clock, just going through the motions?’ ME in Oregon or taking care of mom. I didn’t want to come back to the house today, because I am doing the same things over and over. (granted, as I work by myself or with others, I am making a bit of progress) ‘I wasn’t sure if chances came or chances were something you made happen yourself.’ Exactly true. In my Achilles heel, do I wait for chances or do I reach out and grasp them? ‘You only fail when you stop trying, stop believing. I was waiting for something to happen without realizing I was waiting. It was like I was dreaming of winning the lottery, but neither had the ticket or the intention of buying one.’ OUCH!!! I look at where I am with The Craftsman, dream of where my life could be, and do not do a thing besides what I’m expected to do. (I have had affairs. They have taught me more about myself than 30 years of marriage. Odd!)  One of my friends is changing his life, I’m so proud of him. I need to not just follow his example, but strike out onto my own path of change.

I laughed at this next quote I found. It was so me. Except I don’t look for new shoes, I look for books. The main character is wondering what she wants to do and glances down. ‘Some new shoes, I thought, that’s what I need.’ I highlighted it because it is so easy to find important things one needs that are useful for our daily life, but not what our soul needs.

The tired working woman character meets the Angel Maker after work and he says, ‘Come.’ She ‘realised I had been waiting as if on a cliff edge and just needed a push.’ When we are bent on one pattern, it takes something major to move you out of that rut. I have many places that trip me up. I don’t have a very good self-image. Mom didn’t encourage me much, my spouse doesn’t, and I absolutely crave being told I look nice or am pretty (I know, women are supposed to be beyond that. We are supposed to be lauded for our brains or achievements. I figure I can start with pretty and go from there!). The Angel maker tells the female character, ‘you are more interesting than you think you are.’ When I’m told this, I am flabbergasted. I often excuse the person saying it because they don’t know me in ‘real every day life.’ He then tells the woman, ‘You are here because you want to be.’ She’s not so sure. ‘You are crossing a bridge that is burning behind you as you go, he said. You don’t want to go back into the flames, the what’s the word, the ashes. And you are afraid to go forward. Is true?’ I nodded, ‘Yes.’ ‘I learn in this life, we do not regret the things we do, only what we wanted to do and never did.’   Powerful thought provoking words, those.

The secret of life is to discover what you are good at, then do it, whatever it is.’ I’m not sure what I’m good at. I do like to make others happy. I should not do it at the expense of myself. I need to be the chocolate chip cookie maker and not the doormat. (I was sad last fall when I went back to Oregon and learned the guys sort of weaned themselves off of sweet baked goods. Now what do I do?) ‘I had been waiting for something to happen. I had grown used to waiting, and you grow tired of waiting.’ Actually, that isn’t exactly true for me. Sometimes I get tired of waiting (most of my blog posts the last couple of years! Or getting the pipes dug up—there is a tractor in the drive as I type!), generally I carry books to help me during waits. Escape into another world is a good way to make time vanish.

In her transformation, he begins by sexually loving her. I liked how these scenes were written. It wasn’t graphic, it was beautiful. He accepted her for what she was, saw her desirability in her work environment and her clothes, removed her from the former and removed the latter—not because they were offensive, but as a part of who she was– dressed her in those same things the next day, then took her to buy new clothing and be guided into the woman she should have been.  He accepted her and guided her. (I’d probably do anything for a person who accepted me for myself.) ‘He made me feel wanted, beautiful, special.’ ‘I looked sexy but, more than sexy, I looked in the warm yellow light almost beautiful, and more than that, I looked happy, and thought those things go together like a matching handbag, shoes, and gloves.’ He pretends to be startled by the transformation and she laughs. He notes, ‘There is nothing sexier than a beautiful girl laughing.’ (NOTE: I had no idea sexual intimacy could be fun until I experienced it! I am a great flirt and giggle often while doing that, but laughing and giggling during sex? Blasphemy!) This last quote, I have experienced. KK told this to me years ago and it is a card I pull out every now and then. ‘If you think you’re beautiful, and special, if you lift your chin and hold your back straight, you are a desirable woman.’ ‘Remember at all times, and never forget it: you are a lady, not a tart.’ Then, the Angel Maker reminds her to ‘Never complain, never explain, and never apologise. Some famous lady said that, it’s good advice.’

As in ‘Hello, Dolly!’ ‘When you wear beautiful things, you do feel beautiful.’ I wore black sparkly tights today and my split jean skirt with a favorite flannel top that has a black velvety collar.  Warm and I felt it was pretty. (It was pouring rain today. When I texted The Craftsman that it was raining cats and dogs and I thought a St. Bernard landed in the lake, he responded with ‘A St Bernard?’ I should have just stuck to basic raining! Lol) Since I was meeting one friend for lunch and hoping to see another and shopping, I wanted to feel good and I did. This story I started, it helped me realise I need to wake up and shake off the clinging arrow in my foot.

I don’t need to keep waiting for something, I need to do. Whether I go back to school or move to Alaska or what, staying inside the house cooking and cleaning isn’t all I was created for. Taking care of mom won’t last forever. (I hope!)  I’m good at being responsible, somewhere there must be a different shoe for this Achilles heel of mine.

19 thoughts on “Achilles and Angels

  1. Wow. I certainly get this post Kris. As you know from my own recent post – I have a similar yearning for change and feel that ‘doing the responsible thing’ is holding me back.
    I wish I had the answers!
    The anthology sounds interesting too – not a genre I normally read but maybe that is exactly why I should?

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’ve learned something odd about the universe and lessons I need. They show up EVERYWHERE! Life is definitely a tapestry full of the warp and weave of people, places, experiences, and they often point out lessons. This week I’ve had the same one pointed out to me more than once! I’m sort of a little bit dense sometimes…..
      If you pick up this genre, I’d choose a different anthology first! lol
      I’m so glad to see you, you make me smile!

      Like

  2. I remember a blog post you wrote, where you felt like you were missing the parade. It seems that around that time, you did something you don’t normally do. Namely, going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s almost that time of year again, but before it gets here find a way to join the parade every day.

    Keith Heltsley

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Ah…

    There is a saying… ‘A man needs sex to feel loved, and a woman wants love to enjoy sex.’
    I think this is true… We are at odds with one another and ‘love’ can definitely be ‘blind,’ because we use our wits and trickery to get what we want.

    You know Kris, I am not that blessed with an attractive face, and generally, I have had a lot of sex in my life that came because a man (or several) told me I was gorgeous… Age or perhaps wisdom has seen that as a lot of lies. Truth is, when men tire of their partner, they want sex from somewhere else (to feel loved) , and we women are left feeling that somehow we let our side of a bargain down. The blame game is definitely put on our shoulders… When a relationship’love dies.

    Men Excuses. “She was cold, she always had a headache, She just lay there and I had to do all the work, she doesn’ t understand that I can love her, but want sex with another woman… ” it goes on and on that way.

    Women Excuses.” He never noticed me anymore, he never complimented me on my dress or new hairdo, he never asks how I feel, he never makes love – he just rolls over, does the deed and goes back to sleep, ” and it goes on and on that way.

    Yes, responsibility keeps us in place (for a variety of reasons), but so does an economic situation. It is always hard to go it alone, and I know from experience that leaping into the arms of another man (to take care of me) is never ‘unconditional’ and may even be a pact with the devil sometimes. Well, yes, it has been. And I can say with all honesty I am way ahead of you and your few affairs.

    My love, best advice I can give to you, is love yourself as if you are the very person you need. Dance like nobody is watching. Run naked in your own world.
    You know, recent studies have said that the people who imagine that they are exercising, do have similar cardiovascular benefits to those doing the real thing. I think that can translate to a mind that concentrates on imagined love and any sex that goes with it. The imagination is a wonderful thing… It breaks us free from the mundane and the responsible ties to the economic familiarity of cohabitation with another.

    If, you happen to fall in love with another along the way… Great, and enjoy it while it lasts, but ultimately, keep that love for you… Bathe in its light daily and never let it go… Because it is that love and that light that you take with you when you die and leave this world smiling. Massive hugs. 🤗 ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

      • I am glad my comment has lifted you a bit. We are goddesses in a human body. We should honour our abilities and lift our self image. Men like to think they are in control… As the breadwinner and all that. But the reality is that they do that for their sexual rewards and a feeling of being ‘needed.’ Women will always be the greater thinkers, and the most likely to find solutions to life’s big problems. Never forget that, especially when you feel hurt and neglected. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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