Climbing from the Pit of Despair

Isn’t it odd how after a run of great moments, you can find yourself in the Pit of Despair?


The sewing machine is delivered and working (I think I didn’t pay attention to writing down what I was going to sell it for, but it doesn’t matter. It’s gone and being used.), my laundry was washed and eventually dried (I brought it to the house instead of doing it at the laundromat.), and I had a splendid time from top to toe on Tuesday (OK, the doctor visit was annoying. It appears I need to just wait out my sore ear, weeping eyes, and treat OTC as I have been! Lol)

Tuesday I was supposed to meet a friend at 10 in the morning to pick fireweed blossoms. Another high school friend who lives on the East Coast wanted blossoms to make honey with. So, we offered to pick them and C was going to send them off. We ended up picking for an hour cuz we didn’t meet til after 11 and I had that doctor appointment and needed a shower (fireweed blossoms are sticky and full of little bugs!) and to get back to the house. Which was a good thing, Jake wanted to take some of the art we’d not wanted to a dealer and see if it was worth anything. After discombobulating rooms getting her the artwork, I got showered and left.

After the doctor, I was going to wash laundry and it was busy, so I opted to hang out in the cemetery for a bit. Those places are absolutely fascinating! The history buried there, literally, and the way people who are left honor those who are gone are as varied as buns in a cake display! Here are a couple of shots I took. The first one was for a young teen sort of girl who had died in the last couple of years. Her plot reminded me of the floor in mom’s room before we cleaned it up. (yikes!) There was one I didn’t photograph and should have. It was FANCY. She had also died recently and had a giant stone (about 3×4, maybe) with a plot full of that white gravel and a bench inside the plot on the gravel with an inscription on that, too. Others were neglected, other older ones were covered with a cement ‘blanket’ (a few of those had been cracked because of winter and quake damage).  I wandered around with my shirt open cuz it was so warm and quiet.

TnT joined me later on and we got a chance to talk. I’d talked to C about a plan I had thought and even TnT thought it was doable. Then, my sister called. I was glad to not be alone because I was very mature in my responses. Jake asked if I was sitting cuz she wanted to tell me something. I just told her to speak. Well, it turns out the pictures she took in are pretty much worthless, maybe a hundred dollars total. Except for hers. She also decided to have appraised two pictures an aging local artist did. They were hers, their worth means nothing to me financially. She had taken one from the house. But, they are worth several thousand. She seemed surprised I wasn’t as thrilled as she was.

Then, I slept badly. Tossed and turned and had a low glucose at 3 AM. I had to wake early to get the pictures from my sister. She wanted to make sure they weren’t in her possession for some reason (I think she just wanted to get them out of her house). When I got back, I cried. I did some math and realized that I do not have the 5 grand to get me through October that was a part of the plan I’d made (including a plane ticket back to Oregon) and then I need about 700 a month to keep the house til spring when I can be sure to empty and sell it. But, with all the cash I’ve made selling stuff, after splitting it with my sister, I have just enough to pay a couple of estate bills and the property taxes. A little over 2,000$. I wanted to do a sale this month, except the weekend I was shooting for, Jake will be gone to take her daughter to the airport so she can visit her sister in the PNW and go to a YMCA camp. (it is a homeschool write off and they are sending her first class cuz she’s 14 and traveling alone is scary.)

It was then I realized my sister didn’t bring me one of the pictures she took and asked her about it. It seems it was checked over carefully. It was dubiously determined the canvas might be by unknown painter instead of someone famous. Since it is also slightly damaged, Jake decided she’d keep the lovely little Indian girl on black canvas.

Doing a sale any other time will be difficult. State fairs the next couple of weeks are a huge draw for people, school is starting in 20 days, and people are gearing down for winter. June and early July are the best times for sales here.  I don’t want to donate everything. I have quite a bit I want to take back. I’ve gone over some of it more than once to determine if I really need it and I don’t. Most of it are wants. As an advisor told me, you didn’t know it existed, you did quite well without it, why keep it? I’m putting some on thumb drives, it isn’t enough. How can you put a fabric apron worn by your mom as a baby on a drive? Or a pair of embroidered kid gloves? Or slides you haven’t even seen yet?


Today is not a glowing pearl of a day. But, in spite of everything, glittering huge dragonflies are darting in front of the window, there are golden leaves falling fast, and fall colors are starting to appear on the seasonal fashion runway. I’ll leave you with a picture of the young bull from the other day (he wanders past now and again!) and a sunset from the same day.


9 thoughts on “Climbing from the Pit of Despair

  1. Oh, hun! 😦 I wish I lived closer! I know hearing that doesn’t make things easier for you and I’m sorry for that. You are going through so much. Life is such an asshole. Just know that I am rooting for you & always here for you.

    P.S. I love Bullwinkle. Keep snapping pics.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know it’s tough but the advice you received about not knowing about things and really not needing them is what I’d focus on. I hope you can take good photographs for memories.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hugs! It is amazing how many memories and belongings a person has! Every time you post a picture I’m in awe because that is a part of your mother’s life and your life. You have to relive wonderful sappy memories. Yet it is also frustrating because there are so many belongings!
    I am in awe because I wouldn’t know what to do and I would probably keep most of my parents stuff like a hoarder!
    Love the pictures of the moose! Much love!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi, Just getting caught up on your posts. Wow! You are getting so much done and I know there is still much to do. Wish I was closer because I would certainly help! I know you can’t take all of the precious items that you want (I couldn’t do it either with my parent’s stuff) but I took lots and lots of photos. Kept things that I really wanted and have the photos for my memories of the others. Huge hugs!
    P.S. Love all the moose visits! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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