To Scream

man person face portrait

Photo by Pixabay on

This last week has been ridiculous. I have wanted to post, but I’m so far behind in everything, one more just doesn’t matter. Monday I had two lovely bull moose in the yard. The first one didn’t seem to mind me photographing while naked (convoluted story. I was going downstairs to get clothes and saw it out the window and so, I slipped outside. The second moose, I had on a t-shirt. No one minded!).


(the photo of him looking at the lake was when he heard there was something down there. I loved the look on his face when he turned back to look at me!)


I was also texting Ms Monster (yikes! Nude texting!!!) and almost late for a lunch meeting. That didn’t matter, the woman was sick and forgot to tell me. After the not lunch, I made my bed (I never leave my room in the morning without making my bed!!) and checked to make sure the kayak hadn’t been stepped on by those big boys. It was ok, at least, I think it is! The moose topped the fireweed around it, but they didn’t step on the craft.


Jake came out later that day and ‘shopped’. (she sorted through the things I was going to get rid of and we went through some of mom’s clothes I’d not packed up yet. She will also take some of the pictures we didn’t want to a consignment store in ANC. I am also hoping they have a consignment fur store. Mum had a LOT of fur!!) It was good cuz I did get rid of a few things, but I’m not as organized as I need to be. I managed to keep the Hansel and Gretel print she wanted. I liked it because it was story book, she wanted it cuz it was old.

I met the new pastor at mom’s church the other night. She seems like a good match, only time will tell. (Not being impressed with religious institutions is a political post I will not touch!) My back aches, I’m sleeping way too much (I sleep well, but too much!) and I was reminded I like to whine (that was earlier this month). I finally got my clothes washed and most of them dried for this week!

It is almost August and I’m barely done with a single room in this damn house. I looked that single room today and thought I was making progress, then I picked up an item that was supposed to belong to a doll in the basement. Which reminded me the basement is still fairly full.  I was supposed to have a run away day this Thursday, but thankfully my friend forgot about it. I don’t have time to do anything but work and cry. My solace are two games I play for about 40 min a day while eating, sitting in the sun for another 40 and low carb ice cream. If I didn’t have to drive to town to wash or do basic chores, I’d have more time. As I said, I’m not very organized! I cannot believe I’ve been here since mid-May and so little is done!

The U-box the guys packed is ‘ready’ for pick up. That seems like a grand way to move things, but it leaves me unimpressed. They are supposed to call when the box arrives. The tracking shows when it left the place we’d dropped it off in Alaska and when it arrived in the city in WA. No information during the in between parts. They haven’t called. The Craftsman (because I was bossy) was checking the tracking number and noticed it was in. He’s called the store in WA several times and has talked to a young man who has told him (a) he can get a box, would he like to reserve one? (b) the manager is unavailable, he can’t answer the questions about when he can get the full box and (c) if he doesn’t get the store in Washington, he gets shunted off to the main U-Haul company line. The worst part? The day the box ‘arrived’ in WA was the day they added another month of rental because we had the box for more than a month. Incredibly inefficient. I’ve several things I need to ship from here and I have no idea how that will happen.

I’ve been advised more than once to sell. It is still full of stuff. I’m supposed to have an estate sale in 3 weeks, I’ve not advertised yet. It is too discombobulated. I was close to tears so many times yesterday. One person hugged me, thankfully I managed to pretend the tears were my eyes watering (they do that constantly, it drives me nuts and looks terrible!). I’m so thankful for those people who have been helping me, I need more and now, people are too busy. It reminds me of when mom was sick. The first few months after she was in the hospital in ANC, I was given some help. Mom was visited often. Then, we moved out north and I was alone except for my online community. At first (I think), helping out here was fun. But, now it is getting old. There are other people who are more interesting and closer to town, it is fishing season, and people are just summer time busy. I’m grateful for the couple hours a week my sister can donate.

Whining over. For now. I’m going to cry a few minutes and get something else done. I do have lists. The one I’ve been working on has nine items on it that need done ASAP. The today and tomorrow lists are shorter. Most of those are chores.

Thankfully, the sun is out today. You can see fall is on the way in the bright berries forming, the tall fireweed is almost finished blooming, and the rustling trees are reluctantly shaking one or two golden coins onto the earth as they dance in the breezes.  It is an incredibly  beautiful world!


23 thoughts on “To Scream

    • Moose is one of those odd words. Plural it is still moose. A male is a bull, female is a cow, their babies are calves and then they become yearlings. However, they LOOK odd, so they might as well be an unusual word! I’d really like the mom to bring the calf around before it grows up much more! They tend to visit when it is darker.


  1. Hey, those are 2 very large moose! I would freak seeing them and run for my life and probably get chased too LOL! I feel the chore ahead for you is a large task and it will take time for you to clear our everything. From this sharing of you, looks like I better go home and throw out stuff else when I keel over, I might be giving whoever the task to clear my pigeon hole a chore

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    • They were sweet. The older one was more mature in his attitude. The younger one might have caused trouble, but they were eating. Boys do love to eat!
      I know what you mean, I am so going to empty stuff out when I get back to Oregon! I had a bit over the winter, but I am definitely doing a lot more!


  2. Those Moose photos are so beautiful, and it is as though the Moose are looking at you with patient understanding. Animals can read us much better than we can read them.
    I fear your progress is hindered by a subconscious desire to hang on to it all, to keep the things that have so much connection to your young life. Your struggle is as subjectively internal, as it is objectively external (must get back to the clearing and selling). I feel your pain and loneliness as you say the long goodbye to your life (not just your Mom’s) . I imagine the loneliness you feel and the lack of understanding by family. It is grief, love. You will get through it, but it is a hard, long and very lonely process. Hugs from afar, and thoughts of comfort. Don’t feel guilty for not being a machine. We humans need time to validate our thoughts and that often just needs a sit down and reverie with nature. 🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️🌿🌿🌿 Crying is cathartic😭

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t want to keep all of it. It is fascinating the things I’ve found that I had no idea existed. Stories I am learning bits of. I’ve been recording some of them, yet there is so much more to do. I slept last night for almost 12 hours..ok, that was more than night, but I was not wanting to get up today! Thank you so much for your care and concern. I think of you often and wonder how you would react now and again! I honestly think it would be easier if I didn’t keep finding stories…as fascinating as it is!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can totally understand how overwhelming everything is. I am living it myself right now trying to get rid of stuff and clearing my own house. This is an overwhelming time but I love that you are making time for the beauty that surrounds you. Look at those beautiful moose. Make sure to do not put yourself last and believe I know how hard it is. Sending much love, light and healing to you. ❤️❤️❤️

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