When the boys were little I used to sing a silly teaching tune to them. The title was ‘Head and shoulders, knees and toes.’ It had a few different stanzas of body parts repeated to different notes and I always ended it with a tickle to the belly the last time I sang toes. (This was even more silly since the entire point of the song was to point to the different body parts as you said the words and bellies were not one of the parts mentioned!)
Anyway, I was thinking about how important toes and feet were this last weekend. Yes, fluids are beyond necessary in a body, but if your toes and feet don’t work right or are gone, you can topple. Mum still has her feet and toes, she’s fortunate. Not all persons with diabetes can say that. (Especially when the glucose is out off the charts.) Sunday, she opted to take a shower. It almost did her in, but she did it. After, I changed her fitting and then she wanted socks on. OMG! Her toenails looked terrible. They were long and curling under her toe tops. I always carry fingernail clippers, but these were beyond me. I managed to shorten the big toenails, the other ones I’m going to have to talk to her doctor. I’m also a bit annoyed no one noticed them before. (Granted, I also forgot to have people look at mom’s feet. They always ask how her feet are and she says fine. NOT COOL!) These couldn’t have happened in a few months, I don’t know why her previous home nurses who looked at mom’s feet didn’t see how the toe nails curled. Very odd.
Anyway, Monday evening (or rather early on Tuesday morning), I took a shower and realized my foot hurt. I’ve been wearing my favorite sandals (they have little raised dots inside the sole where the foot sits and they don’t make my feet hurt when I wear them. Probably some kind of massage thing, but I really like them.) and some of my other summer shoes. I almost always wear socks, but not this last weekend. Guess what? Yup. There is a crack on the pad of my foot. Thankfully, I also plan ahead and have bandages and Neosporin in my bathroom basement. (I briefly toyed with using a crazy cat lady bandage, but those really need to be used when I have a visible wound area!)
I like feet and toes (I love looking at hands), I like to paint my toenails when I am feel ambitious enough to attempt pretty (I really don’t care much for makeup or additives to make someone beautiful, except for nail polish!). I know it is terribly important to care for those particular bits of the body and I am incredibly glad I caught this before it got really bad. Thankfully, I heal fairly fast (Neosporin is amazing stuff!). I just need to be a bit smarter with footwear for a while. I do wish those spendy black Nike shoes fit nicer. (I really should have looked somewhere else for footwear, or gotten the wild colored sneakers!)
In other news, Mom is home from the hospital. I’m not sure what is going to happen next. I do know I need to make several phone calls to different physicians in the morning. I also have a couple of errands to do, depending on where those phone calls lead me! I’m a tad uncomfortable with tonight. She had some of the first really solid food she’s had in several days. (Mashed taters and milkshakes don’t really count!) and I don’t know how it is going to settle. There is a chance she’s going to get a peg tube to help her empty her tummy (I need to look this up to understand it more!) and a pic line to help the health nurses hydrate her at home. I laughed when I asked her what she’d eaten today. She told me she ate her whole dinner. Surprised I said, ‘The entire burger and the potato salad?’ She said yes, then she said no. She rephrased her answer to say only half of the hamburger. She said she didn’t have her teeth in and it was hard to talk. (I guess it is also hard to say the words you mean, too!)
I’ve managed to let go of my expectations for mom’s mental health about her dying. I was comparing her to daddy when he died and what I’d feel comfortable with. Mom doesn’t want to admit she might be mortal. She is the center of the universe and she always has been. She is her own person and has been that irritating unloving woman her entire life. She is not going to change and I should not expect her to. My sister and I will not see her embrace us with love and kindness and Mom will never believe she might die before she’s 85 (she actually said recently she probably won’t live to be 100). I am so thankful for those who reached out to help me let go. GT was especially helpful and I am eternally grateful, as was Rhapsody. Being silly and changing patterns is great in a kid song and with toddlers. It is illogical and unhelpful to everyone when it is with a parent. (I was going to post the Wiggles singing the above nursery rhyme, then I found this gem on YouTube.)