What to Do?

I looked at myself in the mirror after my shower. I stared into the dark eyes and wondered what to do. The steam filled the glass obscuring my face and my question remained unanswered.

woman in black shirt facing mirror

Photo by Ivan Obolensky on Pexels.com

I’ve been taking care of mom the last couple of days. (blood tests, shots, fittings…) She’s needed it. The surgery, as usual, went well. Mom charmed everyone and made all those around her feel like mom was the nicest woman. I got a couple of ‘looks’ when I didn’t help her as much as they thought I should. I knew she’d push me away. I’ll let someone who gets paid for it help her. Mom is better with that. She did tell me on Saturday ‘I think I’d better let you take care of me today. I’m not quite up to it yet.’ She’s not sure she’ll feel well enough to attend church. She did come up with an idea, though. She ticked off some names of friends her age who have health issues on her fingers and said, ‘we need a prayer group for healing.’ I told her I’d take her to Minnesota and the Mayo Clinic, she didn’t respond. (I don’t understand this at all. All of her roots are there, plus her relatives. Ok, Aunt Opossum is difficult…but, she wouldn’t have to see her!)

I also learned on Friday mom’s car needs work again. Probably. Sir Wrench can’t look at it til late next week (he’s on vacation). He had hoped the symptoms I was describing were loose lug nuts, but after I took the infernal hub cap things off, the lugs were all tight. (I also couldn’t get the blamed things back on. Mom noticed.) It could be bearings or brakes or… Meanwhile, I was told to ‘be careful.’ I have one trip to the doctor next week (about 50 miles round trip or so) and I hope not much else.

I have not been on WP much to respond or comment. I do read blogs as they come thru my email. I’m incredibly thankful Jack is ok. I worry about Garfield Hugs and hope she didn’t trade Oz for a Zoo. I’m so glad her mom is out of the hospital. My heart is following Rhapsody as she struggles with her mom, too. Even Julie is having mom trials. It must be the season of ‘Mom’.

As I stood in front of the mirror, I wondered if I should force mom (like that will happen! Lol) to get rid of things and move into my house in Oregon. I wondered if my family could manage having mom there? She’d have to get rid of everything (I could probably move both pets, too…shudder!) and we’d need to give up the master bedroom. It’s large enough she could have a sewing machine or whatever she wanted in it. She’s not getting better, she not really getting worse. Just in lots more pain. Would it be better for her in the states? (She did say tonight ‘something moved’ and she has diarrhea. But, she says that is probably cuz of taking more pain meds.)

By mid-July, I’ll have spent 2 years in AK taking care of mom (except for the 2 and half weeks I was in Oregon in October of ’16). I’ve been living out of a suitcase, I’ve been waiting to leave, and it isn’t fair to have all the chores left to one person when he was used to having them shared. I wanted to go back by The Craftsman’s birthday, that won’t happen. Mom has several important appointments that week. One with the radiologist again. If he tells her what I think he will, that the tumor is a bit bigger, but nothing really to be concerned with, I’ll ask about the clinic and see what he says.

I am glad I came up, I’d like to go back. Oddly, in Oregon, I was in a rut of existence. Here, I’m in a rut of a different kind of existence. I made the choice to come north, I need to choose what to do next. Unfortunately, the balls are scattered and I’m not sure which one to play thru.

alice

13 thoughts on “What to Do?

  1. You need to decide. Is it better to go home? At least you’ve got your man and son as support?
    Here you’ve got no one to help with your mum. Your sister is not much of a help.
    Food for thought. It might be years before you can go back home. You can’t stay in the basement forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Now that Andy (hubbie) is retiring in a couple of weeks, he wants us to move away from my mum, who is 89, next Spring. We’re going to ask her to come with us, she’s going to say no, she has already vowed to stay in her house until she goes out in her coffin. She’s very healthy, probably got at least another 10 years or more. We are going to have to move to pay off our mortgage and release funds for our retirement. Stubborn and inconsiderate mums, hey? It will be a miracle if she agrees to compromise. I am planning to give her a choice and then stand my ground. We shall see. I wish you clarity and strength in making your own decision, Kris. It’s only fair if one person is not expected to make all the sacrifices and compromises, after all. My advice is take your time, rehearse any conversation before having it, be strong and stick by your convictions. You are a wholly worthy person whose needs are no less important than anybody else’s, no matter what the circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

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