I’ve always been afraid. This isn’t a surprise to anyone who’s followed me for a while, but this morning, my fear is for mum. It is just after 5 am here in AK. I really don’t have any reason to call anyone about my fears, The Craftsman is just getting up and a call at this time of the day would discombobulate the routine (unless it was important), and really, it isn’t. It is just fearful. Or I am. So, I am going to write. (aren’t you all just lucky as leprechauns on a cereal box?)

I was allowed to change another one of mom’s fittings, she had changed one about 11 pm. I wasn’t going to ask if she needed help, but finally, I had to. There is only so long I can watch her do something before I have to ask. She asked me because she remembered the nurse last week had asked to see a photo of mum’s wound. (I must say, I prefer having pictures of sunsets or clouds or birds on my cell!)

I got mum and all the things I need for the procedure sorted and noticed something odd. I did change her fitting once recently, this time there were differences. Mum’s tummy is tighter. She said she didn’t have any wrinkles anymore and was thankful. Yet, I also noticed her tummy is hard. Now, a hard tummy is nice. (I’d love a firm stomach that spreads from one side to the other). Mum’s is disturbing. Especially because the last week or more she’s had a great deal of nausea and pain associated with the abdomen. ,

I suppose she could be gaining weight. She does eat all the time. Many things which would take me quite a while to eat (I bought her orange cinnamon bread on Tuesday. I had a couple of slices and decided it was too much like fruitcake. I saw, when I was in the kitchen, it is almost gone.). Thus, maybe she is getting fatter from eating so much. I’m not entirely convinced of this.

When I was rubbing around the stoma to remove the glue, she didn’t seem to feel it. Often, she hurts and wants to throw up. This time, she prattled on and didn’t seem to feel anything. Until I touched the side where the main tumor was. That seemed to hurt. When she was sorted, she did ask for another pain pill. She’s used her pain pump all the times she is supposed to in a day, in addition to pain and nausea pills.

I did make an appointment with her radiologist. He had asked to see her in 2-3 months. As Cee (the lovely receptionist) said, the middle of next month would be about two and if mom felt she wanted to come in earlier, they’d make it happen. Perhaps they’ll discover she is regenerating. In every X-Man movie regeneration looks entirely painful and makes me want to be ill! Then, all my fears would remain as groundless as instant coffee.


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