Let’s Pretend

It started out pretty positive. I woke to speak to a friend about the experiences I’m in.  It was definitely a good thing, nice to imagine I can help someone else from this remnants of this crazy choice I made so long ago. It was nice to be up on a sunny breezy morning.

When I checked on mom, that wasn’t so good. She’s had some very horrible highs and lows, swings that are worse than her normal ones. She manages to go from 409 to 86 (with a shot) and then back to 414 and drops again to 119, with another small dose of Humalog insulin. (She won’t let me give her the shots, she’s perfectly able to do it herself.) This has been going on since Sunday night. This morning (Wednesday) she had gone up to 507. On Tuesday morning she got miffed at me because she felt she might need to go to the hospital, but I didn’t respond to her calling my name at 8am. She managed on her own, she said. Basically, meaning her glucose dropped from 406 to 135. It did go back up. I felt terrible about not hearing her. I had not slept much on Monday night. I’d gotten up with her at 430 in the morning and was asked to change a nasty fitting (although, most of them are pretty nasty!), gave her some meds, and I finally dropped off to sleep. I feel so irresponsible! Anyway, on Wednesday, I was not sure what to do. The nurse isn’t due out til Thursday. When I called for advice, they told me to call mum’s doctor. The doctor called me back and said we could have an appointment today (Wed) or sometime next, it wasn’t that important. (They obviously know mom and her habits, but I felt this might be not just from the carbs she’s ingesting. Mom thinks her sugars are running high cuz of pain. I’m pretty sure it isn’t just the pain.) She woke from her nap and I told her the choices to see her doctor. She finally opted to take an appointment for today. However, an hour or so later, she asked me to cancel it cuz she felt lots better.

At dinner, her glucose was high again and I reminded her there were pork loins in the fridge for a protein. She said those were too hard to eat. I then said I’d not buy them for her again til she had her new teeth in mid-April. Then, she said she didn’t need to wait that long.  She could eat whatever she wanted to. A bit later she mentioned to the dog that she didn’t get herself a squash yet. (She has not BEEN shopping, I have. Gods, I cannot do ANYTHING right.) We go back north to get the stitches removed next Thursday. Mum told the dog she is pretty sure she’ll feel a lot better once those are out and she won’t need to have any more appointments. At least she is talking to the dog. She’s living in a world of ‘let’s pretend’ and even with my imagination, it frustrates me. (she just told me after her bedtime snack of peanut butter toast with jam that she feels so much better than she has in weeks.) I am glad she is singing again and laughing at things. I sure as hell don’t feel like doing either of those! (Besides, as I’ve been told more than once by her, I am tone deaf and cannot sing at all. I am not tone deaf, I just can’t sing. I’ve probably mentioned that before in here somewhere!)

I had picked up some things in town on Tuesday. She didn’t feel like shopping on Monday after her appointment. Tuesday, I had to wake her for an appointment and then she wanted to go straight home. I absolutely needed to go in and get some script. Unfortunately, my debit card didn’t want to work. I asked The Craftsman about it and was told it was perfectly fine. I wondered if the amount was over a limit. Sometimes when you are not in the area of the card, the bank twigs things. He told me he’d check on Wednesday. I got a good night text and when I asked him about the card, he said he had forgotten. Doesn’t matter.  If the card won’t work, I’ll use a gift card my friend sent me. I was going to get something useless, but meds are more important than anything else and by tomorrow I’ll have missed two days (besides, useless is not something I do!). I’m thankful she gave it to me. (She had sent two and I found out you can’t buy a gift card with a gift card-I was going to use one of the cards to get an Amazon one. This was because Amazon won’t let you use gift cards cuz there isn’t a name on them. I wanted to get something absolutely frivolous from that site. Instead, I bought an Alaskan book for Strider at the grocery store!)

I did get out for a walk this evening. The days are so nice and long. The sun finally set around 8 pm. It was really chilly out with the breeze til I got to a spot that had been in the sun all day. I ended up taking off the scarf I was wearing, my fleece pullover, and my t-shirt! I think the people who drove past and saw me in my tank top must have thought I was crazy! It was so nice in the sunshine, although, I did dress again for my descent back into the valley with the shadows. I also finished two books. The Secret Garden and Pollyanna. I know that last one has a bad rap, but I absolutely LOVE it. I know I’ve not found many good things in the world lately, but they are there. Like the unexpected warmth I found today in the sun, the friends I texted, and the one I spoke to this morning, and Strider who called. (I guess mom being pain free is a good thing, but I’m not entirely certain how long that will last. Oddly, she didn’t use her pain pump most of today, except for what she is getting all the time. She did take some pills.)

I’ll share a photo of one of the good things in the world. A picture one of my friends took of Haystack Rock on the Oregon Coast.

Haystack Rock

6 thoughts on “Let’s Pretend

  1. Sorry to hear you are going through that. My dad is in middle stages of Alzheimer’s Disease and my mother’s day is a lot like yours… with a little more paranoia thrown in for good measure…


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