Last Thursday I noticed mum’s meds were low. The Oxycontin. She had two of the 10 and a few of the .5 left. I knew we were heading to her doctor on Monday and I knew she had the pain pump and I knew they’d fix the pump to cover more of the pain. I know the doctor we got the original script from is not available on Friday. So, I opted to wait. Now? She’s got one of each left. I had no idea she was that close to out. I think she’s been using more than she has previously.
I have no idea what to do. It is almost Sunday. I’ll call her health care team when it is daylight and I can google it tonight. What do you use to replace a narcotic? Sheesh. I also was privileged to change her fitting again. I’m glad she let me, but it appears she’s gotten into something greasy. Probably the whipped topping on her sugar free chocolate pudding.
I hate this. She said earlier tonight that she didn’t feel good. Her glucose levels have been normal for her, in the 3-400 range and she’s not having nausea. Her pain is in both the pump area of the surgical site and some in the tumor area. She said she felt things were moving faster. I’m assuming she means the carcinomas. She said she needs a miracle. She forgets she IS a miracle. I do not know many people who have battled cancer for over 30 years and lived through 4 or 5 different kinds. I don’t know many people with a pancreatic carcinoma who are still alive after 7 years. I’ve lost so many friends to cancers mom has survived. She thinks she still should be able to brush it off and go on.
It is so hard to be strong all alone. I know I’m not the only one, but right now, in my basement in Alaska, it is pretty scary. My heart goes out to my Garfield friend and Michelle and Rhapsody and Monster (who has a completely different sort of game to play). I’m so thankful I’ve met you! And the support in here. I have tears dripping down my cheek as my gratefulness overflows.
I wish one of you could hold me as I cried, though.