Apathic or Rash


I’m entirely apathetic today. In one week I’m supposed to leave mum and return to Oregon for a short time. Or not. My dear friend, SSC, reminded me to not do anything rash. Can one be rash and apathetic at the same time? It is raining and my soul is in tears. (so are my eyes! Lol)

I finally was able to make mum an appointment with the radiation oncologist and then her primary called me back. This morning I was told so many things, I texted mum’s nurse M (I was an idiot with texting and need to remember to text complete sentences and not just thoughts), and this appears to be an entirely bleak January.

Mum’s primary care professional told me she’s going to talk to mum and tell her she cannot drive. She has told mum she can’t live alone (not sure how to resolve this with me gone). She was looking at the report from mum’s retiring oncologist and wants more information. From the report, it appears there is nothing left to do except wait. Ms. N wants to see if radiation might be still be an option and to discuss this with mum. I also misunderstood the radiologist and thought mum was going to be scheduled for a pet scan in the spring. It appears the scan may be in Feb (NOT spring!).


Today mum made dinner. She cooked a roast (she did it because I don’t do it right. Mine are too dry. She also cut it in half to cook one pound of meat and not two, she didn’t want to ruin it. It was good, I could have eaten more). She had the rest of her teeth out less than a month ago and is now gumming roast. Incredible! She gets mad when I remind her she’s made of iron (she hasn’t a clue what adamantine is beyond unbreakable or I’d add that!). Yesterday, she had her hair done and went shopping. (she got more croissants and I got Kit Kats) She’s also done a great deal of sleeping. I had to wake her twice last night for dinner. Her abdomen hurts (it is funny, she’ll hold her tummy and say her missing teeth hurt. I need to look up that old wives tale about teeth in the stomach…..) and she takes quite a few pain pills and then none at all. One night she’ll take an ibuprofen with them and the next none, she’ll take half of a sleeping aid pill and the next night nothing, she’s inconsistent and that messes up meds just as much as taking too many.

I asked her some questions tonight. They were from an obituary form (told mum what it was, but that they were good things us kids needed to know). Mum’s got a community history as long as the Mississippi. No wonder I can’t go anywhere without meeting someone who knows her! After we talked, she also said she is looking forward to driving in a while and is certain sure she’s doing well enough to completely recover with a bit more time, from this last run around.

I am not going to change my ticket (the rash thing), I did cancel a lunch date (it was during mum’s Monday appointment), and I bothered someone for help and they might be able to on Friday afternoon. (I was too rash on that one, I should have just done it myself and not said anything.) I was invited to a ‘sip and paint’ on Saturday, but will decline. I need to get things more sorted. Besides, at the moment, I feel insubstantial. Sipping anything when insubstantial may be messy! (Oddly, the rain seems to land on me. Hmmmmmm)

One of the oddest things I have read today was in the paperwork from the memorial chapel. ‘CREAMATION IS IRREVERSIBLE AND FINAL. PLEASE READ THIS DOCUMENT CAREFULLY BEFORE SIGNING.’ It seems sad and ironic this clause needs written in caps at the top of a legal form. Sort of reminds me of the final scene from the original ‘Oceans 11’. (Maybe this is why!!)

15 thoughts on “Apathic or Rash

    • Oceans 11. I’m convinced this is the reason for that comment.
      Sip and paint is a ‘new’ thing. You get a bunch of folks together to all paint the same sort of picture and you drink wine while doing it.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’ve participated in these, and they’re fun! : ). Hugs for you, my lovely. Life will not always be as it is now. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

  1. My mother declined me going with her to her doctors appointment this morning. I think she doesn’t want me to ask the doctor what’s really wrong with her. Lol so at least your mum let’s you go.
    I’m glad she felt up to cooking. You need to take her car keys with you to keep her from driving when you leave.
    I agree with no rash decisions and that you need to step away for your health. Go have fun at the sip and paint!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your mom worries me, and I’m not even there. it’s about time you had a break though. if the doctor thinks she shouldn’t live alone… or drive… sounds like the doc may have to end up putting her in an assisted living place. which may be where she ends up whether you stay, or go.

    Liked by 1 person

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