Buckle up, the ride’s not over…

I managed to get the seatbelt on mum’s car fixed after years of wanting to. It took a bit, though. I could NOT snap the darn bits together on my own, it didn’t work with the tool the kid got for me (I mentioned after my first summer north, how handy it would being having a multi tool sort of knife. So, Little Bear got me one. Have I mentioned how much I love my kids????), but it was suggested I use larger pliers and those worked! I have been entirely proud of myself every single time I buckle myself in. (Which is kind of frequent!)

Mum’s doctor is retiring. (And there was great cheering from the daughter and friends!) She’s been seeing him once a month for almost two years, maybe more. He is always cheerful and tells her she’s doing great and he intimidates me and makes me mad. This visit, mum wasn’t going to mention her abdomen hurts again and there may be a new spot. I did. He looked her over, touched her tummy in the painful area and mum responded, ‘Ouch!’ (Mum NEVER responds like that. She always says something like, ‘oh, that hurts’ or ‘right there is sore’. Ouch is a big deal.) There was another lump. Her tumor marker is rising again, from 507 the last days of November to 917 at the end of Dec. She got back in her chair and discussed seeing a new oncologist in the clinic in 2 months, beginning of March. If she got to feeling bad, she should call. He didn’t think another cat scan now would be necessary since she’s supposed to have a pet scan in April or thereabouts.


Mum waiting for the doctor in the room

I am still annoyed, (even tonight as I type!) and after the visit talked to the radiologist nurses and they will talk to the radiologist oncologist when he gets back from his vacation the first Tuesday in January. They, too, thought it was odd she is exhibiting new symptoms and to put off any treatment. Granted, the doctor also told mum what he has often said. He added a third, though. He said she would never have chemo again (the lungs will never recuperate fully from that crap), he was pretty sure the oncologist surgeon would not do surgery on her again, and he didn’t know how much more radiation mum could tolerate.

I know mum’s body is dying. I know she doesn’t believe this (shoot, I made her mad because I told her she was always tired from having stage 4 pancreatic cancer {since Feb 2012}. She said it was cuz she was 75.). I know there may not be anything we can do, but I would prefer to be told outright. And I have a plane ticket purchased to go back to Oregon. After that appointment on Wed, mum went shopping. She purchased half a regular punkin pie, a bag of chips, a large container of mini croissants, shrimp, pasta crab salad, watermelon (which always makes her fittings go wonky), milk for sugar free pudding (I had to open it for her. She mentioned to her dog, she wasn’t sure what would happen when I was gone. I told her I’d have people lined up to visit her every day. She was very annoyed and said she was perfectly fine all by herself.), and assorted other things. She asked me to get whipped topping while out this Friday, hers was gone. (The croissants are also gone, as is 95% of the pie and a good portion of the chips. She dropped one of the croissants and the dog got it, I had 3)

One of her friends said maybe mum realizes what is happening and is eating things she shouldn’t because she feels mortality. It is a nice idea, but she has been eating ‘not food’ since before she had diabetes, years before she had her pancreas cut into. She hurts often in both her tummy and her face (those missing teeth pain her.), she has been taking nausea pills more often, and she has let me change her fittings the last three. Two today. AND she’s getting a sore again near the stoma. I dripped some new skin goo on it, but I’m not sure this one is going to hold either.

I finally got to elf. The SSC was even home for a while. He helped me by sending off a fax to yet another company who won’t talk to me cuz I’m not mom and gave me a small glass of white wine before he left for a date. (I’m positive all house elves need this sort of gift instead of hats. Much nicer in the long run!) I appreciate this person very much for so many different reasons. I’ll add a photo to show you how adorable he is. It doesn’t really show how smart he is, you’ll just have to believe me!


I went out to watch the sunset the other night. I thought the batteries had died cuz it was so cold (10F). It was also cuz I took over 40 photos!!! (I also fell on the beach, slipping on icy rock. I hurt my wrist a bit.) I took a motrin before I went to sleep. BAD idea. I was truly out of it. Finally got up and had a horrible mom type blood sugar. (I’ve been keeping those down by testing and taking Humalog at 4 am. I think it is the type of insulin I’m on. I’ll get that addressed when I get back to Oregon) I tried something different tonight. My glucose was perfect, 112, so I had a glucerna and a spot of Humalog. Maybe THAT will help keep it down!

I should have asked for a larger glass of wine! Or maybe the bottle..



14 thoughts on “Buckle up, the ride’s not over…

  1. I pictured your mom as a young woman in the prime of her life, confident, happy, optimistic, not worried about aging because the young don’t think that way. Then I pictured her holding you as a newborn, a smile from ear to ear and that glow of motherhood that shows only on mothers. I don’t think caregivers have a glow like that, although the aura of a saint might be nice once in a while.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your insulin is not doing the job. Either that or your diet.
    Over here they give short insulin before meals. Some of our patients need the long acting ones twice a day.
    Get it check out. You don’t want to muck around with diabetes as if it’s not control you end up blind/ amputation of limbs. Neither is what you want.


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