And now I’m sad again.
I had thought I might be able to see if mum could live alone next week and then I could return to Oregon at the start of December. I had a plan that I’d leave her car in the drive so she could have access to it, I’d hike or something into town, hang out for a day or two around the area, and then come back and see how she did. I do realise it is a tad chilly to be a homeless vagrant over many miles, but it would be an interesting experience. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. Not really. The next two weeks are free from any sorts of appointments, but the week of Thanksgiving they start up again with a vengeance. From that week til Dec 8, she has things all around her that will need done. She could probably do most of them on her own, if she could drive. Except for the 8th, when she has the oral surgery. I’m not looking forward to that. She thinks it will be a piece of cake, she did ‘ok’ with the last one, so this is going to be similar. I am thinking the cake is going to be too rich for her system and it isn’t going to be pretty. But, I’m just a nervous Nellie and not really that important!
I’m sad cuz I looked at photos on fb of places where I normally live and the kids have all grown so tall and some of the ladies look more fragile. I’m sad cuz I’m out of touch with one of my best friends and one of my better friends has become closer to one who is truly a best friend and my spouse doesn’t see anything beyond me being at the house ‘where I belong’. I am feeling incredibly superfluous. (I’d say I was chopped liver, but even the cat has lifted her nose at me!) I am so very thankful I have people around my Korner who read and help me. If it wasn’t for you friends, I’d be a total watering pot! (I am anyway! I’ve ended up in tears several times today.)
I shouldn’t be sad. Life is made up of shadows and lights. Just cuz there were shadows today, doesn’t mean there weren’t lights. I was leaving a store and a random person smiled at me. It truly brightened up my day. I’m sure he didn’t’ know how much he gave to me in that short grin, but it was such a blessing to get. It is those little things I need to grasp when I don’t think there is much else out there. And then, I need to pop in to WP and see the cheer from any number of good souls.
Just as I posted this, there was a horrendous crash from upstairs. Mum managed to fall amidst a ton of plants and lighthouse ornaments. If I had not been here……..If there wasn’t so much CLUTTER!