Catch Up.

Much has happened since my last post. It’s a bit overwhelming, but I’ll catch you up and then, I’ll catch up with you!

We went north on Tuesday to get mum radiated. (Mum and I went up with a good friend from mum’s church) The clinic is a really pretty building with an info screen about the physicians who worked there. I was a tad annoyed to discover there was only ONE female doctor on staff. Although, she was in the breast health category.  As I sat there gazing hither and yon, I noticed a reflection. I tried to get a photo, but it did not turn out. It was a sign in the parking lot. The reflected words were backwards and read, ‘Do Not Enter.’ I thought it was rather prophetic, but was easily distracted by a magazine next to me. THAT was highlighting the new Black Panther movie!!!! Mum left with a nurse, our friend and I went to lunch, returning to pick her up. It was rather anticlimactic. She didn’t glow and she was hungry. So, we fed her. God bless The Village Inn!!!

The next day had lots of good moments. I forgot how to make the hotel shower work and had a bit of a bath (haven’t had one of those in years!). Then, as I was basking in the warm water, I remembered and ended with a short shower rinse. I purchased some stunning healing stone earrings (learned malachite is toxic!!!). We visited some friends who had moved to the big city, mum bought some expensive cinnamon bread (it is really good), then we went to mum’s appointment and learned she is gaining some weight back! (112 again!)

The doctor came in and we learned some not so good news. Her doctor was matter of fact and as he talked, someone knocked on the door. It was another doctor mum knew really well. (She really does know everyone) They told us the PET scan didn’t show any other visible cancers growing. However, they determined mum was not a candidate for surgery as she is too frail. They wanted her to do radiation.  Palliative, not curative. They are certain more cancer cells are hiding and will show eventually. She was told she had survived longer than many and she still had a good chance to live quite a while yet. I learned a great deal, there are truly some amazing physicians in the world!

Mum was mad. She really just wants it to all go away and be completely well again. She hasn’t been well in many years, so am sort of curious as to how far back mum wants to go to be well. I know I can see changes every day. On Tuesday, I noticed her jeans were dirty. I had wanted to wash them, but couldn’t find them. She said she got them from her stack of clean clothes. Her sweater had food on it. She had not showered or washed her hair in a very long time. (Granted, the drain was messed up again, but I had washed several loads of laundry and myself on Monday with the drains only flooding after all those had been done and it was almost midnight) Mum has always been well-dressed and used to wear a different color for every day of the week when she taught. Mum often sounds good. It is the not good times which make my heart ache so much. I hate she is a walking time bomb and only He knows when the clock is going to be done ticking.

So, that is mum. As for me, I have absolutely AMAZING friends, purchased a yummy Thai dish when I got home, bought strawberries, and a new skirt. Granted, I have not worn skirts much this last year, but oh…I do love them!!!!!! Almost as much as strawberries. (Gracious, I post a lot of  me eating food photos. You would think I was on FB!!! I wasn’t going to share this one, I thought it might be too much…..what do you think?)

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3 weeks, one Monday

This has been the very longest Monday I’ve ever had. It has kept going and going. There have been good things in the last 3 weeks, today had some rather awesome things in it, but all in all, I’m so over Mondays. Seriously, the last 3 weeks have been a straight run of Monday.

Today Mum had to prep for her pet scan. The oncologist department said they didn’t think she needed to prep. I called the imaging department. Yes, she had several things she could not eat today. Alas, she had already consumed breakfast. Oatmeal, toast, and a fruit cup. I was told that was ok, but to make sure she had no more carbs sorts of foods. I left her alone for a bit (in spite of all my various errands, I had definite bright moments in between the WTF ones), hoping she behaved!!!! I did make her shrimp for dinner.  I have had better pan fried shrimp, but mine wasn’t bad at all!!!

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Alaskan girl savoring shrimp not from Alaska…..

Later, I discovered  a horrible awful thing. Like the damn drain in the laundry room flooded again. Greasy liquid. After mum flushed the toilet upstairs. I almost cried. I honestly wonder if mum’s inability to process greases is why her drains look like bad arteries in a sedentary eater of greasy spoon cafes. 254452drain

I do know, I need to ask a rather dear knight I know to stop by and pour some toxic melting stuff in the drain while we are gone. Damsels tend to bother knights a great deal. Thankfully, knights don’t seem to mind too much. I would have bothered another damsel, but it is fishing season and she’s running nets.

After I got most of the basement floor tidy, I was chatting online and had to stop. Mum’s waste bag had leaked. I had JUST changed it. However, she has had a lot of liquid today and water and all the glue on skin in the world can’t stop leaks like that. I literally had to wait til she was ’empty’ and put on a new fitting. I pray the thing holds til tomorrow afternoon!

I think I’ll go to sleep and see how much Tuesday will be like another Monday…..

The Versatile Blogger Award

This adjective means: able to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities. I laughed when I was nominated for this. Hooray! I can multitask!!!

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THE RULES

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Share 7 facts about yourself.
  3. Nominate other bloggers (there are supposed to be 10, but wowow…)
  4. Link your nominees and tell them of your nomination.

Thank you ever so much, Rebecca! She was almost my very first WP friend of books and blogs and she nominated me for this fun award. I still do Blessings, where I first met her, but this particular one is an outlet I absolutely needed. I’m glad she followed me here. I’m thankful so many others have.

Let’s see. Seven things about me. I’m going to get creative here and mention oddities most people may not know!

  1. I used to always match my socks and underwear to my clothes. Now, I do it most of the time. You know, in case I am in an accident and my clothes get cut off. I am sure the first thing any doctor would say is, ‘Wow, look, her clothes match from the inside out!’
  2. I read almost anything. One of my favorite anthologies is looking for Christmas horror submissions. I’m not sending one in, but follow the link to FB if you are interested!!! I am also a fan of Kent Wayne. His books are even on sale soon. (Funtastic sci fi stuff, check them out!). Will is trying to get one of his published, it is a powerful story of loss and love and life shared in a visual way. Almost like reading a movie.  I love reading anything he writes. OK, enough ads. Pimping for my friends is great, but I’ll stop for now.
  3. This might be known, but I drink way too much Diet Pepsi. It started when I was a college freshman and there was a machine in the basement of the girl’s dorm. I am looking at three grocery bags full of cans to recycle right now…I drink too much Diet Pepsi!
  4. Another thing from college. I was nicknamed ‘The Mad Hugger’ cuz I’d hug everyone. I still do. Now, I often accompany those hugs with a kiss on the cheek or neck. Or elsewhere if it is ok! I was also called ‘Pre-sweetened’ cuz of being a person with Diabetes. {{YOU}}
  5. I absolutely love cooking and mailing boxes of treats to people. I often think if I had been born without Diabetes in the days of yore, I could have been a Madam. I’d run a hotel/restaurant/bar (it was a given then) with a few girls to entertain on the side. Feeding the body, soul, and spirit! If I had the chance today, I’d run a boarding house. No hanky panky, but lots of comfort and food.
  6. I’m a sort of a lazy female when it comes to self. I do not wear makeup; I rarely go to a salon for a haircut; I prefer clothes I can wash, wear, and not wrinkle; and I clip my nails super short and rarely paint them. (I like seeing other women do themselves nice, but it is almost always too much work for this old gal!)
  7. I do NOT like coffee. This might alienate most of my followers, but it is true. I love the scent and kissing a coffee drinker is nice, but the taste of the stuff is well, not my cup of tea!!!! I did finally sort of learn to make it this year. It’s always nice to learn new things! (I am pretty sure I blogged that somewhere….)

Now others to nominate. I’m not sure if they’ll respond, look them over anyway!!! (note: I’m not going to add 10. Good gracious, that is a lot and ends up more like a chain, than a fun response!) Gosh, I hope they don’t get mad at me!!!! C’est le vie!!

This blogger I have also followed around the web. He is always ready to help me when I run into things that confuse me. I have always enjoyed the things he has found to share in the different blogs he’s hosted. This newest one is just as enjoyable! I give you An Awakened Gentleman.

Another blogger I admire has also changed his direction a bit. The lyrics and songs he shares are nostalgic. The phrases he writes himself are wrenching! Check out the thoughts of nkdwhtguy.

C* is one of my favorite people. She often links to another blog, but she has become a support for me in my rather tumultuous walk with mum! (There are several of these special people, C* reached out her hand and compelled me to grasp it firmly. Good sort, this gal!)

This blogger I thought I was following. I am not sure why I wasn’t, because well, she really deserves to be in your list of blogs to read and I honestly thought she was! Check out Serendipitous Web Life. You’ll not regret it one bit!

Someone I find a ton of fun is sexlinestories. I’m shaking my head trying to think of how to describe her blog, which are made up of responses from her job. Just go and look and SLS, you don’t need to do anything about this award! lol

As Rebecca said when she posted her response. There are so very many more people who deserve this recognition. My cup runneth over with wonderful bloggers and I truly appreciate each and every one of them. We are connected by the same rainbow, all of us lovers and dreamers!

Last Stage?

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Before I post the project from Rebecca, I wanted to do a quick update on mum’s appointment today. It appears the lump was cancerous. It was odd and may be a different cancer than pancreatic. It is in her abdomen (which is odd, too. Pancreatic cancers in an abdominal wall do happen) and was sent out for more information. He also told us it was unresectable. Which means, they can’t take it out. I also asked what stage mum’s cancer was. The Doctor said she was in Stage IV of pancreatic cancer. I forgot to ask him if this is the case, why is her 19-9 (tumor marker for pancreatic cancer) only in the 1,000’s. Stage IV is when the cancer is in the arteries and the lymph nodes. She does have other ‘symptoms’, though. Her back has hurt to the point she couldn’t walk well for almost 9 days( she said it was cuz she was sleeping on her side) and a lot of nausea.

Anyway, he wants to have mum get a PET scan Which means another trip to the big city. This time, I anticipate we’ll spend the night. It will be an exorbitant cost, but the reasoning is a plus. They’ll be able to tell mum and I the results the next day. Not in two weeks, when they are in the area again.

She’s pretty angry about the whole thing. She wants it gone, she says it should be gone, and she’s a fighter. She’s also beat the odds more times than anyone I’ve ever known, so it is still a waiting game.

Do you know?

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If you need to jump your car, you do NOT hook up the leads backwards. If you have batteries in your camera or flash, they don’t work if they are not positioned correctly. There is a definite difference between positive and negative. Yet, I was talking to a receptionist today and we stumbled into a phrasing swamp. I mentioned to her that I had heard mum’s biopsy report was positive, which is a  negative thing. Yet, if it had been negative, that would have been a positive. So, it was bad that it was good???  How on EARTH did language jump from positive and negative being well, good or bad to mixing them up?????

This tune from ‘My Fair Lady’, doesn’t really have much to do with the oddity of positive and negative, but it is great fun!

Veils

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Mum’s primary physician just called. She wanted to talk to mum, but mum is sleeping. She’s been asleep a lot today. Which is logical. Yesterday mum was awake and busy most of the day. The dr person has the report of the biopsy. She didn’t tell me much, but gave me veiled comments about what options mum has next and that there may not be any. I’m scared. I know I’ve bitched about how I want something to happen, but this is scary!

I was looking for a photo of a falls in Oregon and found this link. The words with the photo almost made me cry. Sheesh, almost everything is making me cry today. I wish I could find the photographer and tell him thank you.

Useless

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Mum’s freezer last August or so. It is empty now. It was a lot of work! 

Useless. Frozen and full of crap. This is how I felt this morning when I woke up at 4 am to take care of mum. I had stayed awake til 1 and finally dropped off to sleep. My alarm was set for 4, the monitor was on, and I slept. When I got up to check mum, she said she had already been up and changed her fittings cuz I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there. She gets mad when I am around and then figures she needs me. I cannot believe I didn’t wake up. So stupid. But, I changed it before lunch as it was leaking. It took a while, the glue used is always messy. I only hope this one works. The fitting didn’t ‘look’ right, but it was in the package and the damn things are so expensive!!! I just added more glue to the odd looking side and sealed it down. Gods, I hate being useless!

Boundaries

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Boundaries of fence and flower barrel. 

Buttons, zippers, snaps, doors, gates, buckets, containers, and fasteners of all kinds are used to control things. Many can be opened, but more often than not, we cinch things tight.  We prune, snip, or shape. It is the way of humanity. If something isn’t held fast, it might escape. A loose hold is not often seen as a choice for growth, it is tentative and wimpy. Lazy.

I’ve been in a world of boxes and contained ideas for most of my life. Only in the past few years have I allowed myself to escape until the boundaries blur. It is astounding how much a person can grow when they are not squished. I’m reminded of when potatoes go to seed. They sit in the dark and roots start to seek soil and space, but they can’t get anywhere. Even a store potato needs a chance to grow (and contrary to the rules, they can!).

I know there are some things I will not do, so as blurred as my boundaries are, they do exist in spots. The fencing seems to change now and again, like when life happens. Which makes sense. Moving water makes new shorelines and can change the course of rivers. I’m not afraid for myself of those new or unseen perimeters. I tend to worry about others who may blunder into them. I don’t mind myself getting into foul spots, no one else needs to. And that isn’t life. Unless you are a hermit, others will always be affected by the rules you choose to live by. Choices are not always yours to make, you just need to use caution in how you let yourself free to grow and bloom.

Happy blossoming!

When I was a younger girl….

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Kris about age 17.

Trip has posted many a post on skinny dipping and it reminded me of a time in my life when bathing outside was the norm. Often we’d wear swimsuits, other times we’d be bare. In the early 80’s on the Kenai, the YCC (Youth Conservation Corps) was not the program it is today. As a YiCC, we spent the summer in absolute fun and hard work. Our fun was coed and not what would be proper in this generation! Many times after a long day of carrying canoes and making trails, we’d gather in the girl’s tent (the flap would be open) and massages on bare skin would commence. Other times males and females would steam separately in a sauna we had made and jump into the nearby river or lake (generally, we’d have on swimsuits for the water part). Twice, however, I remember experiences which were a bit more. Or less……

The first was so funny. There were 3 girls on the YCC team and one female adult leader. We had gone to a lake to bathe. We were all bare. The boys decided to play a joke on us and take our clothing. They were so sure no one was going to notice them. Well, we did and as one, three of us dropped to our shoulders in the water, screeching! Our leader did not. She stood up as tall as she could and ordered them to drop those clothes right now or else. The three of us watched the boys, I don’t recall how many there were, drop both jaws and clothing before they ran back into the woods. I don’t recall what happened after that, but the three of us were pretty sure our leader was the most amazing woman in the world!

The second experience I remember was also funny. We were at a favorite lake making trails and we were filthy. Not only did we make trails, we picked up trash. Gods, people are slobs when they are out in nature! My intense dislike for litter stems from the summer I worked as a YiCC. Anyway, the guys had hiked off to swim and a couple of us girls were going to follow them. We were often allowed to wander off with buddies and one of my friends and I were sure we knew where the boys were. We got to the rocks and climbed up to discover naked boys jumping into the glacier fed lake! Suddenly, they noticed we were there and freaked out. One of them asked if we had ‘seen’ anything and the two of us denied noticing any slender teen boy bodies with pubic hair and interesting bits. Thankfully, we were believed and after turning our heads while the boys ‘dressed’, we all splashed ourselves clean.

Memories like this are what make a summer job well, memorable!  It was truly a summer I’ll never forget. The fake ‘black bear’, fishing with a 2×4 and a nail, my first Christmas in July party, and so much more.

Age and Pizza

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I’ve been thinking a great deal about age and how odd it is. Some of the wisest bloggers I follow are close to my eldest son’s age. One of the sexiest men I know is mum’s age. Age doesn’t matter. Oh, it does when you are in high school and your date is 18, but that is a different kettle of fish. Maturity doesn’t come with a number. (49, the recent US president falls into that category!) Experience, education, a willingness to learn are all parts which contribute to maturity. Yet, the most important is often forgotten. Kindness. In ‘Harvey’, Elwood P. Dowd quotes his mom and reminds us how necessary kindness is. To put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to empathize, and love unconditionally is something most people ignore. Or take part in sporadically.

I’m often caught by thoughts from young people. My son said something yesterday which floored me. I wondered where he learned such wisdom. Strider told me about a relationship he was working through and uttered this gem, “If you want freedom, you give up security.” He was a CavScout with the army for a while, he knows freedom and security in love and in life. He was divorced before he was 24 and I often wish I could introduce him to some of the girls I’ve meet online. (But, if he read any of my thoughts in here, he’d have a kitten. Because, parents cannot be real people. He was completely poleaxed when I told him I had a tattoo and had gotten it a few years ago. If he knew how close to home his comment was, he’d be more than shocked.) His little brother, at 23, doesn’t have the experiences Strider has had, but he’s remarkably mature. I do wish he was more open minded, but he’s a product of the area we live in and he’s a great deal like his dad. Yet, I look at where I was at 23 (graduating from college) and 28 (creating an unplanned second child), and realise these boys are very useful citizens in the world. I’m rather proud of them.

Which brings me back to others I have met. I’m entirely thankful for the wise, thoughtful, and thoroughly fun persons I follow. For people who are kind, caring, and give of themselves to total strangers. The blogging venue erases ages, gender, and everything else as it builds relationships with words. I know there are vicious bloggers out there, ones who cut and dissect ideas and people, disfiguring humanity horribly. I prefer to keep those from my personal space. Life is too short to muck it up with people who profane the world with self-righteous pontifications.

No, age does not matter. You do.

Now, I’m off to get pizza for dinner. Something else which seems to erase lines between people. Maybe our world needs more pizza and less self. I’ll box and deliver it!