Uncertainty

IMG_5233 - Copy (2) Tides are an integral part of my life. They tell us many things and share a wisdom I desperately need. They tell me life is uncertain and it will always continue. Tides change the beaches, the bluffs on the inlet, and their power is seen in every season.

Mum keeps changing. Every hour it seems there are differences. Today, I am scared of tomorrow. Not for me, for mum. She does not want to stop living. She wants to see Trump impeached, she wants to go watch a Seattle Mariners game in Seattle, and she has a bazillion projects to complete. I have kicked about mum’s stubbornness, but I’m afraid her body is going to give out before she does.

Today, mum is not the person she was on Friday. Friday, we went out for dinner and she was cheerful and chatty. This weekend mum weighed herself and saw, by her scales, she was 102. She was 113 the Friday before, at one of her doctor’s appointments. She keeps saying something is wrong. Her skin feels yucky. I would lay odds she is dehydrated. She is drinking and drinking (water liquid). She is eating still. Not much, but she is eating. Her glucose was in the 500’s again this morning, but she had NOT eaten anything since a her bedtime snack. (it wasn’t a scary snack)

Her nurse is coming today. For the last time. They really are dropping her from their case load. The nurse is going to draw blood and we’ll see if Karen can convince mum to go to the ER. Lord knows, I can’t. Because tomorrow she sees a doctor in ANC and that 180 mile one way trip is already set in mum’s head.

I could be wrong. Mum might be ok in a week or two. I hope so. Even if I get mad at her, I do not want her to die. For true.

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8 thoughts on “Uncertainty

  1. You have said so much in so few words.
    The tides ebb and flow, as does the life and good fortune of us all.
    Joy and sorrow may merely be the two sides of the same coin, as the tides are the sides the sea shows to us twice each day.
    I watched my father’s last days. It took me a while, but now I can celebrate his life. And, now my own mortality does not scare me any more.
    Those of us who live by the sea become one with the power and majesty of the Sun, the Moon, Mother Earth, the Sea and her tides.
    You and your mother are in my prayers.


    Liked by 1 person

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