Walk Away

I’m angry.

Mum’s dr office called today to tell me mum doesn’t appear to have a UTI. She said to keep taking the meds and asked if mum was still confused. I said yes and gave her some instances. Then, I told her I was letting mum manage her own meals except dinner and letting her take her own meds. I’d put them out and it was up to her to take them, to help her gain independence. Then, I was in the bathroom and our home health nurse called. It appears mum had to have a wellness check because she might not be doing well because I’m not taking care of her properly. Damn it all people. She wants me to let her be and she won’t learn to do things on her own if she doesn’t do it. Then, her regular doctor called back, the nurse did. They want to see mom on Th, without me. Of course. Gods, she’ll tell them whatever she pleases and I’ll be the bad guy. I’m always the bad guy.

The last 24 hours she has been on her own for much of the time. She does things anyway and I can’t stop her. She walked partway down the hill to the lake to look at a ‘bucket full of weeds you must have forgotten to take care of, Kris.’ She stayed up til well, past the time I went to bed. She was reading. She watched tv (some stupid buying houses thing) and would not let it go. She turned it on and then off and then back on. Of course I will tell them she is confused, she is not acting normal. But, now, I can’t tell them things I notice. It isn’t important. Mum got pissed to learn she was ‘losing it’.

She just came in from planting plants in the greenhouse, after taking a pain pill. She’s pushing herself to do more, it is what she is. She doesn’t want my help, she has told me she wants to do things on her own. So, I’ve been in the basement most of the last hours. I did make tuna salad for lunch, she ate some of it. I will make dinner. I do make sure she has her meds, it is up to her to take them. She doesn’t want to take the mirlax anymore. She doesn’t like the protein drinks. The dr wanted her to have ensure, and since she sees the dr this week, I’ll have to buy that instead. Unless she buys it herself. She wants to go shopping. She said she needs more fruit. She’ll buy a cart full and I’ll throw most of it away in a week. I didn’t put her to bed last night. I didn’t wake her this morning. I’d leave her totally alone, but she’s back to her ‘I might need the car‘ attitude.

Walking away and letting her do what she wants and only what she wants. I’ll manage from behind the scenes and let her take the stage. I’m best in the back and she’s made for the front. She’ll grow stronger in the way she does best, on her own.

Signed, the uncaring daughter who appears to not know what she is doing anymore.