Taking Care

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Coming up to my Alaskan home to care for my mum has been an education. I have so many people tell me how lucky I am that my spouse lets me do this. If he said I couldn’t, I’d have been VERY upset. I do try to do some of the things he likes, staying away from home wouldn’t have been acceptable.  We moved from the Or coast to take care of his family, it is only right I can take care of mine. Granted, I didn’t expect it to last for months (one of my friends thought it might….).

I’ve learned so much. Lots of nursing sorts of things, of course, but also patience. From my rants on here, that might seem ludicrous, but it is true. I thought my youngest taught me patience, mum has taught me more (On second thought, my son taught me not to be surprised at anything. ‘Mom, the blow dart broke a window on the little house door, bounced off, and stuck in the hose….’). I honestly think my marriage gave me skills I have needed while here, too.

I have needed to stop depending on someone else all the time (helping mom is something my boys have always done!) and at the same time, I’ve learned to ask for help on big things. I have learned how to do math…somewhat,  I have always been good at being invisible while in plain sight, and I am better at keeping my mouth closed (except on WP!).

I often thought I was alone before. These last months, in the wheel of mum, I am truly alone. Most of my existence surrounds her. I get away some, but by and large, mum is what my whole life has lessoned me for. Few face time friends seek me out. If I want someone, I need to go to them.  I am learning to adapt to this. I only hope as I get back to a real life, I don’t decide to be a recluse. It is an easy pattern to stay in.

I have always careful with finances, now I am super very careful. If I had not learned that previously, it might be harder to do. I can manage mum’s appointments, her bills, her medicines, her choices (she says she wants to do something, I attempt to make it happen), I took her way delayed taxes in, and have put things back on track. A year ago, when I was here, I wasn’t a POA and things were a MESS!!!!! I drove her car for more than a month last summer without insurance because it had lapsed. She often tells me she wants to be back in charge of her life and I inwardly shudder.

The life motto I’ve adopted ‘Que sera, sera’ has been so important. To know things will happen as they will no matter what. Good advice, Doris! I am glad I am home, but this is something I never imagined.

And I have a pretty good imagination!

10 thoughts on “Taking Care

  1. I went through something similar… it didnt go well.
    My spouse didn’t want me back after I buried my father.
    I am bitter, sad, lost, cold and apathetic…. but realize he didn’t value me and it was an excuse to discard me, act single and punish me for going to care for my dad the last year of his life.
    You are very fortunate to have a husband that understands….

    Liked by 2 people

  2. ‘Apathetic’ is not an adjective I’d associate with you, Kris! You are kind, compassionate, loving, funny and caring but not apathetic! And you can change people’s lives for the better with just a few sentences; this I’ve experienced for myself. When I first was diagnosed with late onset Type 2 diabetes I was devastated and really was thinking of just giving up. I wrote to you regarding what had just transpired and asked for some feedback. The note you returned was funny, full of understanding and compassion. I read it on a day I was really low and immediately afterward my spirit soared and I knew I was gonna learn to managed the disease. I still re-read that note when I’m feeling down and it continues to provide me with peace, energy and a sense of balance. Now is that a precious gift or what..?!?!

    Liked by 1 person

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