I reached under the band of my sweats, sliding my hand inside my panties. My needs (are they unimportant? At this moment, they are not.) are pushing me to touch, to feel, to play. I remember and move to the desires I feel. Your words make me angry, so I respond. When you told me you wanted to make love and I grinned at you and said I wanted sex. Your response made me sad. You said, ‘I forgot, you don’t like lovey, dovey soft.’ But, when I told you I could do lovey, dovey, soft, you petted me (is there any other word for it?) and I went to sleep. But, I don’t want to sleep now. I flick my clit, something you haven’t touched in months. I feel my nipples respond and arch my back into my palm. Nipples you finally noticed after almost a week. I was so glad when you discovered I had two. I wondered if they were repulsive. Frantically, I reached a peak you rarely take me. I didn’t go inside. The wetness wasn’t there when you thrust your way in and I still ached from that. I wish you had brought up coconut oil or that I had bought some. I had hoped it wasn’t needed, but I was wrong. I imagine hard scenes in my head. Submissive ones where I am used, because it is all I want, right? Thoughts of toys to help bring pleasure. Places where a lover invites another to play with me. Sex outside in areas where being caught could happen. You know few of my thoughts. They’d repel you as they excite me. I jump from the top of the mountain into clouds of memories where I have been taken and held and appreciated. All of me, not just the dutiful responsible ones. I close my eyes with my hand trapped by elastic, falling into a sleep. A sleep where escape has naked men, erect cocks, dripping pussies, and pitfalls around each corner. I’m lost and I don’t even know why. I suppose I should put all I’ve learned to become back where no one finds it. Hiding in plain sight again. Glad for what I know and have experienced and move on in a staid existence. You said things would change when I return. Will they?