fun?

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I reached under the band of my sweats, sliding my hand inside my panties. My needs (are they unimportant? At this moment, they are not.) are pushing me to touch, to feel, to play. I remember and move to the desires I feel. Your words make me angry, so I respond. When you told me you wanted to make love and I grinned at you and said I wanted sex. Your response made me sad. You said, ‘I forgot, you don’t like lovey, dovey soft.’ But, when I told you I could do lovey, dovey, soft, you petted me (is there any other word for it?) and I went to sleep. But, I don’t want to sleep now. I flick my clit, something you haven’t touched in months. I feel my nipples respond and arch my back into my palm. Nipples  you finally noticed after almost a week. I was so glad when you discovered I had two. I wondered if they were repulsive. Frantically, I reached a peak you rarely take me. I didn’t go inside. The wetness wasn’t there when you thrust your way in and I still ached from that. I wish you had brought up coconut oil or that I had bought some. I had hoped it wasn’t needed, but I was wrong. I imagine hard scenes in my head. Submissive ones where I am used, because it is all I want, right? Thoughts of toys to help bring pleasure. Places where a lover invites another to play with me. Sex outside in areas where being caught could happen. You know few of my thoughts. They’d repel you as they excite me. I jump from the top of the mountain into clouds of memories where I have been taken and held and appreciated. All of me, not just the dutiful responsible ones. I close my eyes with my hand trapped by elastic, falling into a sleep. A sleep where escape has naked men, erect cocks, dripping pussies, and pitfalls around each corner. I’m lost and I don’t even know why. I suppose I should put all I’ve learned to become back where no one finds it. Hiding in plain sight again. Glad for what I know and have experienced and move on in a staid existence. You said things would change when I return. Will they?

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22 thoughts on “fun?

  1. Kris, I am so sorry this is your reality. Your dreams though light my fire…there are men that want to give you that kind of pleasure and take you this transcendent space. You expressed this deep desire of yours and so many women so perfectly…loved it!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I doubt it, if I may be frank.

    Why should he change? He’s taught you to accept this sad reality (as Michael calls it).

    Might be time to stop. I personally feel this is hopeless at this point (you’ve mentioned it before). Have you considered an affair? I honestly would be considering that, in your shoes.

    The truth? I would’ve ended this relationship long ago. Just my raw honest humble opinion, love. Hope I didn’t offend. I’ve been called Hitler for far less. 😄😉😘

    Liked by 2 people

  3. time to take the bull by the horns so to speak. if he wont satisfy you, you should tell him how you feel. how its gonna be? Why not the foreplay lovey dovey like he says, then spice it up how you like it. but ugh what do I know. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: copied: | My little simple thought

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