Belle made the choice to live with the Beast and the consequences from this. I too, have made a choice. Granted, I don’t have talking candlesticks or flying dusters, but it is my new world.
One of my favorite persons reminded me this is my choice. To be here in AK and take care of mom. I honestly don’t know how long she will live. Until this January, I was sure mortality was on her radar. Today? I have no idea. I know I’ve been keeping her alive, I don’t know how long she’d live on her own. She does not want to ‘go’ anywhere else. She has told me she’d die faster at my sister’s (valid thought, as they don’t really like each other much) or in a care facility. So, I am here with her and it is my own free will which has made this decision.
I often whine about my circumstances. A very silly thing to do! The consequences of my actions put me where I am. Being the oldest responsible one, carved me to fit this job. My reflections on how I am tired or alone or whatever are from what I have decided to do. I usually forget to remember this. I was not given this task, it is a responsibility I took up all on my own. For the most part! My sister didn’t want it, nor did anyone else. People have said they would like to care for mom, but not to the medical parts.
Perhaps I will be able to get this house sold and mom moved to somewhere. She doesn’t want to spend all her money on care, she has been wanting to travel when she is well. I’m not betting on her being well enough to go anywhere by herself, even if she would do it! At her death, well, I certainly don’t want any of her cash to clutter up my simple life! (OK, if I was given any, I’d go to the dentist.) I’d much rather she use it now. It is all about choices. For her and for me.
When I write about the trials I am encountering, they are just words. Words I am choosing to describe the path I am consciously walking on. Sometimes the path is harder than I’d want, sometimes I do think I’d like to run away to a different path, and sometimes the path is kind. I dearly appreciate the people I’ve met who encourage, uplift, remind, and bless me on my walk.