It is Wednesday and I am not blue or in a black mood. I am surrounded by puce. A nasty sounding word for a color of purple referring to fleas. Lowly biting bloodsucking creatures who exist for no other purpose than to spread disease and creep people out. Maybe you like fleas, I’ve never been fond of them. Puce is supposed to be the color of a blood filled flea or other things associated with the flea. Pennyroyal is considered to be puce, which is why there is a pennyroyal photo in this whine instead of a flea. I should be in wonderful spirits. Got back from mum’s dr appointment and she is fine. Still. As usual. All her stats are good, her tumor marker is at 170, she is doing great and needs to work on ‘performance status’. She needs to keep maintaining her weight (still 112) and keep eating (she had half of a Reuben sannich for lunch with several onion rings and a med mint shake.), and become more active.  She thinks she may be able to drive next month. (she has not driven, except for a few miles in October, since last July. )

In the states, with my family, I often feel I am a Boston Fern. I provide comfort, make things look nicer, and live on a shelf unless I get moved to a different spot for a short while. Here, I am less of a fern. I know people care about me, I understand they are more concerned with mom, I realise my role (it is similar to the one I grew up with and am familiar with. Be responsible and invisible), and I know my attitude right now is silly and probably from hormones or the change in weather. I have been getting a bit more sleep. I only got up a few times last night to check her blood. I was a bit tired this morning when I woke her to give her her insulin, but I should not have been. Mom wants to start taking care of things on her own again. (like the ballot I gave her yesterday, she put it someplace safe on the table to do later) She made an appointment to get her hair done on Friday. She is doing things to make her feel like herself again.

There is no reason for me to be puce. I am such a silly daughter! 


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