Tulip from my Oregon garden

Today has been a gift. I’ve been reminded almost every step of this day about the reasons for caregiving. Yeah, I get tired of it. Yeah, I’m often drained to the point of nothing. Yeah, I’d give anything to escape for even a day. BUT, I won’t give anything. I know, deep down, mom is alive because I am with her. I am afraid to leave and let her fend for herself like she wants. At a Dr appt for mom, I saw an elderly lady attempt to find insurance cards she needed or even answer questions. I was so glad my mom was not that woman. I overheard a couple of ladies discuss family members who didn’t want to help with their parentals. Ones who ‘maxed out mom’s credit card’ and who can’t be trusted. I’ve met people in real time and blogging time, people who have given of their time to their parentals. Time out of their lives for an indefinite period.I get encouragement from so many sources and I am humbled.

In my mom’s day to day existence, I don’t know what to hope for. I want her to be at peace. She is a fighter. She has been fighting cancers for 30 years. The last 3, she has been just living. Day to day existing because it is what she does. She has screwed up her finances, her house (she hoards), her blood sugars, and I am slowly digging out the debris of 4, 6, and 10 years of her life. In spite of the fact she insists she doesn’t need me, she does. I’d like to go back to my Oregon life and see where that might go, but for the time being, I am here with mom. 


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