let it go

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This is a frost covered spotting scope on the bluff of the Kenai. It reminds me of something that happened today. I need to leave mom (who is fighting cancer, maybe) and go back to Oregon. I am frozen in time and useless for the task at hand. I sit and wait and wait and do not let her do for herself. I need to let go and thaw out! She is, I am told, going to get well. I’ve been here for months and I want to see spring in Oregon. l love being in Alaska, but I really need to go south for a little while. So, I am going to do it. I want to get mom out to her house and then I will make my ticket south.

I had an anniversary this last weekend.  My husband asked if it counted since we hadn’t been around each other for almost a year. I need to go back and see if those months that didn’t count exist elsewhere. I let people walk on me as I am stuck in one position. Mom, my spouse, people around me. I need to make a choice and let go of those things not letting myself be me. 

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